Miscellaneous Poems Vol 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Wind"More poems
18 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Hey, Craig,
I read through this potluck challenge, my brain isn't firing on all cylinders as yet, but I enjoyed reading through this.
propelled by forces unseen.
(A nice way to set the tone of a primitive people, as in the acts of survival, and in context of life and death being controlled by that which cannot be seen)
life(-)giving (not sure, but is this a compound adjective?)
sun(-)baked (I think this too would be a compound adjective)
It is the gods, the unseen movers-- (the movers unseen--?)
(only cause it gives the flavor of ancient backwards speak, not even a suggestion, moreso a thought I had in passing that I opted to share with you)
their gift unto the sons of men.
(Nice job with this, I think this poem works well with this challenge. Captures the tone of a tribe of people, and moreso, the passage of information between the elders to the young to explain that which they don't quite understand, also grants a mystical, magical essence around an aspect of different pockets of air pressure in an atmosphere... doesn't sound as cool as the gods whispering)
Little known fact-- I used to talk to the wind and pretend it talked back to me. But I used to talk to my aunt's toilet, too, and pretend it talked back to me. (only my aunt's) That toilet would talk back... I swear, it would wait for me to finish talking before going into a grwoosh, woosh, grrrwoosh response.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Hey, Craig,
I read through this potluck challenge, my brain isn't firing on all cylinders as yet, but I enjoyed reading through this.
propelled by forces unseen.
(A nice way to set the tone of a primitive people, as in the acts of survival, and in context of life and death being controlled by that which cannot be seen)
life(-)giving (not sure, but is this a compound adjective?)
sun(-)baked (I think this too would be a compound adjective)
It is the gods, the unseen movers-- (the movers unseen--?)
(only cause it gives the flavor of ancient backwards speak, not even a suggestion, moreso a thought I had in passing that I opted to share with you)
their gift unto the sons of men.
(Nice job with this, I think this poem works well with this challenge. Captures the tone of a tribe of people, and moreso, the passage of information between the elders to the young to explain that which they don't quite understand, also grants a mystical, magical essence around an aspect of different pockets of air pressure in an atmosphere... doesn't sound as cool as the gods whispering)
Little known fact-- I used to talk to the wind and pretend it talked back to me. But I used to talk to my aunt's toilet, too, and pretend it talked back to me. (only my aunt's) That toilet would talk back... I swear, it would wait for me to finish talking before going into a grwoosh, woosh, grrrwoosh response.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Hi Turtle - Thanks for the great suggestions. I'm not sure what you mean about the compound adjectives. My understanding is that they should be hyphenated - do you think they shouldn't?
haha @ talking to the toilet - is that what they mean by "potty mouth"?
Many thanks,
Craig
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oh sheesh, never mind the compound adjectives... you already had them as such, I had a bunch of tabs open and was looking at the earlier version of this poem, which didn't.
I'm just going to blame the cold meds.
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Phew - that's a relief. I thought "oh no, I just put them in because someone pointed out they needed to be there, now I have to take them out?" That does happen, by the way lol
Hope those meds clear up the cold quick smart.
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Yesterday, I couldn't even move... today I'm able to read even if I'm still foggy on the thinking... so tomorrow, it will be back to work.
Comment from jlsavell
CdRichards, one of the best I have read. Filled with great imageryvand you followed the rules exactly. I am afraid I cannot say this about my offering. This was a difficult challenge. Well done. I tryly enjoyed your work. Jlsavell
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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CdRichards, one of the best I have read. Filled with great imageryvand you followed the rules exactly. I am afraid I cannot say this about my offering. This was a difficult challenge. Well done. I tryly enjoyed your work. Jlsavell
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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It was a difficult challenge, Jlsavell. Phyllis likes to frighten us, I think. I'm usually a lot more comfortable having the security blanket of rhyme and meter to work with, so I find free verse especially challenging. But it is fun to extend ourselves. Thank you for the kind comments, they're much appreciated :) Craig
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You have created a lovely mythical story here, which is what Phyllis asked for. And it works very well with the wind. It is not until we really stop and think about it, that the wind comes into it's own, we need the wind, it does so much good. (I know it can be destructive when angered!!) Lovely free verse poem, and a challenge well done. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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You have created a lovely mythical story here, which is what Phyllis asked for. And it works very well with the wind. It is not until we really stop and think about it, that the wind comes into it's own, we need the wind, it does so much good. (I know it can be destructive when angered!!) Lovely free verse poem, and a challenge well done. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the lovely review, Sandra. I wonder what Phyllis will throw at us next time? We'll find out in a few days, I guess!. Much appreciated - Craig
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She will think up something hard, I'm sure! LOL. xx
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Craig
Well done. You've certainly captured the very essence of Myth in the Wind. Beautifully descriptive and mystical in your delivery. I've enjoyed your presentation and can identify with that image. I often write of the wind and dust of our dry and barren heritage, or the spiritual nuances of the Aboriginal people ... this time turned me to the northern part of our world for some reason, only known to my muse. :))
I presume you made up the names of the Gods ... very creative and purposeful. I've enjoyed your use of poetic technique with the most effective alliteration, assonance and consonance giving a clear cadence to your poem, just adding to the mystical and the mythical. You describe and set your scenes, bring the reader in close to really feel the elements of nature and it's effect on the land and the destiny of the people who inhabit this fierce world. I like how you've gone from the fierceness of the elements to the the wind in its more generous opportunities bringing coolness and relief. I've read some fabulous poems that have really stretched to the topic, not such an easy one when we weren't permitted to use any of the known ancient tribes. Well done. I've really enjoyed this one. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Hi Craig
Well done. You've certainly captured the very essence of Myth in the Wind. Beautifully descriptive and mystical in your delivery. I've enjoyed your presentation and can identify with that image. I often write of the wind and dust of our dry and barren heritage, or the spiritual nuances of the Aboriginal people ... this time turned me to the northern part of our world for some reason, only known to my muse. :))
I presume you made up the names of the Gods ... very creative and purposeful. I've enjoyed your use of poetic technique with the most effective alliteration, assonance and consonance giving a clear cadence to your poem, just adding to the mystical and the mythical. You describe and set your scenes, bring the reader in close to really feel the elements of nature and it's effect on the land and the destiny of the people who inhabit this fierce world. I like how you've gone from the fierceness of the elements to the the wind in its more generous opportunities bringing coolness and relief. I've read some fabulous poems that have really stretched to the topic, not such an easy one when we weren't permitted to use any of the known ancient tribes. Well done. I've really enjoyed this one. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Lovi, for the lovely and detailed review :)
Yes, I made up the names. I didn't think to check if they were close to any real ones - well, not real, but you know what I mean.... I hope not anyway!
I'm finding these challenges a great learning experience - challenging me to do stuff I otherwise probably wouldn't - like free verse! lol I have to admit I was a bit "what the?" when I saw the topic, as I think a couple of others were - but we got there in the end.
Looking forward to seeing you in the next one - thanks again :)
Craig
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My pleasure Craig ... thank you for yours. I hope I do have the stamina to continue. For me the excitement was the free verse as it is my oft used form plus the Japanese poetry and the odd story.
I'll be the one saying, "What the ..." if Phyllis tosses in a rhyme and metered form ... YIKES! The topic did have its challenges as well. You really did so well for one not that au fait with the free verse form. Looking forward to seeing you in the next one also. btw - what happened to autumn? It's hot and humid here on the coast... I was enjoying the early morning and late night chill. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
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We have been having beautiful weather, as far as temperature wise goes, although we got NONE of that rain Sydney got on the weekend - 70 mm overnight, or something ridiculous? Instead of grass we have dirt, so it's costing me a fortune to keep our very hungry animals alive. Oh well, that's how it goes most years. We actually had a longer spring than normal and the heat arrived late, which meant we had grass for a bit longer. Making up for it now though!
The thing is we desperately need rain, but now I don't want it, at least for the next few weeks - we're getting major house renovations done, and I don't want delays - never satisfied lol
xoxox
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If it's not floods it's bushfires or dust. I wish nature would just balance itself out. I know all the weather variations, my mother is from Nyngan in NSW ... pretty dry sheep territory. I had a small farm down south at Kangaroo Valley. We were just over the escarpment, so may have been resplendent green in the valley proper and dry as a bone on our one hundred or so acres. I do remember the times without rain and leaving work every Friday to feed the cattle we ran, with our part-time farmhand doing it mid-week. At least we had two good dams which never let us down, so no cow went thirsty... or the ducks and emu ... a clear spring nearby for our fresh water. I loved those days of peace and quiet ... just not the bushfires or the cattle thieves.
Oh GOSH, well I hope you're spared the rain for your building, and then plenty to green it up. I was broken-hearted when I watched the truck convoy heading to QLD, all that feed and too many hungry stock. Yes, I know, I've been bitching about the heat and ready for the cool. I'll soon be complaining it's too cold. :)) lol L xoxo
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is very well done, my friend. You seem to be very good at writing free verse. I enjoyed your challenge poem very much, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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This is very well done, my friend. You seem to be very good at writing free verse. I enjoyed your challenge poem very much, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Debbie, for the lovely vote of confidence. I wouldn't have said that myself, I feel like a fish out of water trying to write free verse. But I was surprised to get something down on both occasions within time :) Thanks again, and see you next round, I hope! Craig
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi CD,
The image that first enters my head is a group of semi gods leaning over a coldren of mystical water and deciding the fate of those who's reflections can be seen. The wind being the chosen element to unleash upon their victims
Probably way off the mark but it was fun to read.
Great poem.
Brenda
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi CD,
The image that first enters my head is a group of semi gods leaning over a coldren of mystical water and deciding the fate of those who's reflections can be seen. The wind being the chosen element to unleash upon their victims
Probably way off the mark but it was fun to read.
Great poem.
Brenda
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Brenda,
I can see how that image would pop into your head, it makes sense.
The image I had in my mind were these god beings actually walk... or move, at least, through the world, although invisible to people. The wind is them communicating with each other - we feel, but can't hear it. Either way, it works :)
Many thanks for the lovely comments,
Craig
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Love the descriptions of the Gods breath - the zephyr you feel -
I wrote of the area I know the tropical rain forests and you wrote of the red dirt blowing, the area you know. I loved that.
The breeze that brings relief
nicely done Craig. Good answer to this challenge.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Love the descriptions of the Gods breath - the zephyr you feel -
I wrote of the area I know the tropical rain forests and you wrote of the red dirt blowing, the area you know. I loved that.
The breeze that brings relief
nicely done Craig. Good answer to this challenge.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Pearl. There's plenty of dirt here at the moment, and no grass unfortunately. Your kind comments are much appreciated - Craig.
Comment from LIJ Red
Your poem adheres to the prompt, and sounds very native. I have the devil of a time following prompts, myself. An excellent potlatch entry!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Your poem adheres to the prompt, and sounds very native. I have the devil of a time following prompts, myself. An excellent potlatch entry!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Haha - I'm the opposite, I think. Give me instructions, I can usually follow them. Ask me to make something up out of thin air, and I flounder. Thanks for the lovely comment :) Craig
Comment from michaelcahill
Quite a few excellent pieces, but I must say, no one has answered the challenge better than this. This is totally on the money. It matches everything Phyllis asked for and it's smooth and believable. It's really a helluva job. Amazing you were able to knock this off so fast. Wow. Impressive. AND it's a piece you never would've written, yes?
Awesome job, mikey
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Quite a few excellent pieces, but I must say, no one has answered the challenge better than this. This is totally on the money. It matches everything Phyllis asked for and it's smooth and believable. It's really a helluva job. Amazing you were able to knock this off so fast. Wow. Impressive. AND it's a piece you never would've written, yes?
Awesome job, mikey
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Absolutely it's something I would never have written, Mikey. My thoughts just generally don't run it that direction. Maybe with a few more challenges like this one, they'll broaden a bit :)
Thanks so much for the great comments.
Craig
Comment from AnnaLinda
Craig,
Wow! You surely stood up the challenge and went full force
with a powerful free verse poem that was an absolute pleasure
to read and makes me so happy to be your fan.
"for their breath is the zephyr you feel
cooling your skin
as they speak the threads
of each new day."
Those above lines are beautifully written! You have
great imagery and your poem flows smoothly down
the page. You've created a master piece inn one hour...
congratulations!
Linda
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Craig,
Wow! You surely stood up the challenge and went full force
with a powerful free verse poem that was an absolute pleasure
to read and makes me so happy to be your fan.
"for their breath is the zephyr you feel
cooling your skin
as they speak the threads
of each new day."
Those above lines are beautifully written! You have
great imagery and your poem flows smoothly down
the page. You've created a master piece inn one hour...
congratulations!
Linda
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Linda. What a lovely review, you certainly live up to the name :)
Free verse isn't really my genre (if I have one), so I was glad just to get something down lol
Much appreciated!
Craig
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My pleasure!