haiku (furled lily)
short 3/4/477 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
I doubt many here on Fan story would notice the photo was not Lillies. Looks more like wheat stalks or grain of another source. Anyway, I see nothing wrong to your salute to Poem month.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
I doubt many here on Fan story would notice the photo was not Lillies. Looks more like wheat stalks or grain of another source. Anyway, I see nothing wrong to your salute to Poem month.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much for taking time to read and review, Ben.
:) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh Bev, what a clever and very beautiful little poem - the kigo is implied of course, and the satori is wonderful, but there's a problem with the satori - "resurrection" is spelled with one "c".
There is also a perfect pivot line, or kire, but what is lacking is that second 'concrete' image. (*I do hope I'm not wrong! LOL*) "Lily" is perfect, but there are supposed to be two concrete images, grammatically connected in haiku... "Resurrection" is a concept.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
Oh Bev, what a clever and very beautiful little poem - the kigo is implied of course, and the satori is wonderful, but there's a problem with the satori - "resurrection" is spelled with one "c".
There is also a perfect pivot line, or kire, but what is lacking is that second 'concrete' image. (*I do hope I'm not wrong! LOL*) "Lily" is perfect, but there are supposed to be two concrete images, grammatically connected in haiku... "Resurrection" is a concept.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Dawn, thanks for your informative review. I appreciate the 'lesson.' When I look back on the classes I took, I do not recall the requirement of a second concrete image. I do know the poem should flow from line to line, which I believe this one does. Hmm... I'll have to research what you're referring to.
I appreciate it!
:) Bev
Comment from robina1978
Excellent artwork that complements your tiny poem extremely well. I noticed that there were no lilies in the artwork, but it is a lovely painting. You have all the ingredients of a Haiku.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
Excellent artwork that complements your tiny poem extremely well. I noticed that there were no lilies in the artwork, but it is a lovely painting. You have all the ingredients of a Haiku.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks for taking time to read and review, Ine. I appreciate it.
:) Bev
Comment from LIJ Red
Spell check on resurrection. Now that is short and to the point. I am a rank amateur on the wonders of Haiku, but this seems fine to me. Excellent.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
Spell check on resurrection. Now that is short and to the point. I am a rank amateur on the wonders of Haiku, but this seems fine to me. Excellent.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the spelling correction. L. I appreciate your review.
:) Bev
Comment from misscookie
I love the artwork you choose to go with your poem even if they are not lilies the artwork is still lovely.
I love the flow of your poem
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
I love the artwork you choose to go with your poem even if they are not lilies the artwork is still lovely.
I love the flow of your poem
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Cookie. I appreciate you taking time to read and review. :)
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Your very welcome, have a nice week end.
Cookie
Comment from NJK62
I liked this short haiku as it had a resonance. The words 'furled', 'poised' and 'promised' create a sense of anticipation which is satisfied in the word resurrection (you might want to correct the spelling?). Some good writing here. Nigel.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
I liked this short haiku as it had a resonance. The words 'furled', 'poised' and 'promised' create a sense of anticipation which is satisfied in the word resurrection (you might want to correct the spelling?). Some good writing here. Nigel.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi, Nigel
Thanks for your very kind review. I've changed that spelling error - how embarrassing for such a short post! That always happens when I make editing changes after the original post.
Anyway, I appreciate it.
Bev
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Happens to us all! Nigel.
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Thanks, Nigel. :)
Comment from IndianaIrish
It's so enjoyable to be reading a haiku from you, Bev. Your picture may not show lilies, but I love the little fairies peaking around the flowers. I think you need to fix a typo in resurrection as there is an extra "c".
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
It's so enjoyable to be reading a haiku from you, Bev. Your picture may not show lilies, but I love the little fairies peaking around the flowers. I think you need to fix a typo in resurrection as there is an extra "c".
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Karyn. I love the fairies too. I've changed the typo - wish I'd seen it sooner because I will now have a dozen people telling me the same thing (hehehe). Embarrassing in such a short format, but always happens when I change a post from the original. In this case, it was suggested my font wasn't appropriate. Sigh...
Hope all is well with you. Great to hear from you.
:) Bev
Comment from Writeling
Hi, An accomplished poem in the haiku format, with an image which fits the text perfectly. I shall look for more of your work. With best wishes, Writeling
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
Hi, An accomplished poem in the haiku format, with an image which fits the text perfectly. I shall look for more of your work. With best wishes, Writeling
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi Writeling. Thank you very much for taking time to read and review my poem so generously.
:) Bev
Comment from tfawcus
Good imagery in this. The lilies, before they are open fully, do look some what like a furled flag. I imagine that you have in mind that kind of lily that is called the Resurrection Lily - so aptly named as it is often the first to emerge from the ashes after a wildfire.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
Good imagery in this. The lilies, before they are open fully, do look some what like a furled flag. I imagine that you have in mind that kind of lily that is called the Resurrection Lily - so aptly named as it is often the first to emerge from the ashes after a wildfire.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, T. I was contemplating an Easter lily at my time in chapel recently. So, you are right on target about the type referred to here.
I really appreciate your kind review.
:) Bev
Comment from Dean Kuch
While they may not be lilies, Bev, they look close enough. Looks like forest sprites hiding behind cattails to me, LOL.
Great "L" sounds in your first line.
Same for line two with "P"...
"resurrection" kind of sums it all up nicely. Living things die in winter, hibernate, or lie dormant, and are resurrected in the Spring. It's an endless cycle (or we'd better hope so!).
Nice...
~Dean
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
While they may not be lilies, Bev, they look close enough. Looks like forest sprites hiding behind cattails to me, LOL.
Great "L" sounds in your first line.
Same for line two with "P"...
"resurrection" kind of sums it all up nicely. Living things die in winter, hibernate, or lie dormant, and are resurrected in the Spring. It's an endless cycle (or we'd better hope so!).
Nice...
~Dean
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi, Dean
Thanks for the gracious review. I often 'work' with nature spirits, in that I invite and encourage them to help out with my gardens. So, the picture was perfect to me as they certainly do support all of creation.
Appreciate it, buddy!
:) Bev