Epiphany
Dedicated to my ex- husband, jcsavell21 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
So very much in my heart;
pent up emotions, trying
to extricate the hurt;
or is it hate?
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay...........Wonderfully expressed emotion here, dear Jimi. It's oft been quoted that there is a very fine line between love, and hate. I believe we've all walked along that perilous tightrope at least once in our lives, if not more. Yet, when we harbor hatred for someone who we feel has wronged us in some way, in the end the only one we wind up hurting is ourselves for not being able to forgive.
But no one said we ever have to forget...
I truly wish I had a six remaining, as this melancholy, emotive piece is truly deserving. But, alas, I am all out of my meager allotment, I'm afraid.
Wonderfully done, Jimi.
Beautifully breathtaking...
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016
  |
So very much in my heart;
pent up emotions, trying
to extricate the hurt;
or is it hate?
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay...........Wonderfully expressed emotion here, dear Jimi. It's oft been quoted that there is a very fine line between love, and hate. I believe we've all walked along that perilous tightrope at least once in our lives, if not more. Yet, when we harbor hatred for someone who we feel has wronged us in some way, in the end the only one we wind up hurting is ourselves for not being able to forgive.
But no one said we ever have to forget...
I truly wish I had a six remaining, as this melancholy, emotive piece is truly deserving. But, alas, I am all out of my meager allotment, I'm afraid.
Wonderfully done, Jimi.
Beautifully breathtaking...
Comment Written 25-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016
-
Dean, I apologize for just responding to this review. thank you so very much for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate you.. jimi
Comment from I am Cat
I wish I had a six for these words alone:
I practice harmony
in the silence of my thoughts
and have come to understand
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
is no less important than mine
I rise from my morning ritual of coffee,
sunshine, and warmth-
take a deep breath, sigh...
There is no wrestling with brokenness
but celebrating wholeness
This is my epiphany.
beautifully said, Jimi... with 'grace and poise'
well done,
Cat
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
I wish I had a six for these words alone:
I practice harmony
in the silence of my thoughts
and have come to understand
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
is no less important than mine
I rise from my morning ritual of coffee,
sunshine, and warmth-
take a deep breath, sigh...
There is no wrestling with brokenness
but celebrating wholeness
This is my epiphany.
beautifully said, Jimi... with 'grace and poise'
well done,
Cat
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Cat, whacha doing over here girl?
You are very kind to review a work which doesn't pay.
You take care dear friend.. and thank you!
Jimi
Comment from w.j.debi
You have some great imagery in this poetic journey of epiphany. It pulls at so many emotions, yet the ending is so satisfying and uplifting.
I love the imagery in this:
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I had to pause and read this twice before proceeding. It is just beautiful
Tranquility has a way
of allowing thoughts
to think themselves down so deep,
one begins to appreciate
who they are
Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
|
You have some great imagery in this poetic journey of epiphany. It pulls at so many emotions, yet the ending is so satisfying and uplifting.
I love the imagery in this:
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I had to pause and read this twice before proceeding. It is just beautiful
Tranquility has a way
of allowing thoughts
to think themselves down so deep,
one begins to appreciate
who they are
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
-
W.j debi,what a pleasant surprise. Thank you ever so much. Jimi
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. I love this. A lot this resonates with me currently and I recall a lot of this in the past. It's a whirlwind to read and place it all in my life. That I'm able to do that tells me you are doing an amazing job of imparting these feelings so clearly to the reader. I love free verse when it flows and it's poetic AND it's intelligent. So, you're all that in my book. I'm going to read this over and over. When I'm feeling more peaceful in my solitude I'll take this along. At the moment It'll probably make me cry. HAHAHA! Not too manly, but if I don't make too many faces, some chicks find it cool!!!! LOL Yes, post more stuff by all means. mikey
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2016
|
Wow. I love this. A lot this resonates with me currently and I recall a lot of this in the past. It's a whirlwind to read and place it all in my life. That I'm able to do that tells me you are doing an amazing job of imparting these feelings so clearly to the reader. I love free verse when it flows and it's poetic AND it's intelligent. So, you're all that in my book. I'm going to read this over and over. When I'm feeling more peaceful in my solitude I'll take this along. At the moment It'll probably make me cry. HAHAHA! Not too manly, but if I don't make too many faces, some chicks find it cool!!!! LOL Yes, post more stuff by all means. mikey
Comment Written 17-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2016
-
Well Mr. Cahill, what an honor and a surprise.
I am sorry. I would never wish one to experience the intense oain of broken relationships and shattered hearts. This was more about my life now than my ex of 33 years ago, but it was a de je vu.
You know you hear the opposite of love is hate. I have a very good friend who is a psychologist. He say the opposite of love is disinterest. And when live goes awry , the intensity of which you loved is the intensity of which you hate. The man Inwas involved with hates me with such vehemency he threatened and probably did destroy all my personal belongings. Very personal. Pictures and jewelry and so much more, my heart. He us happy fir it and happier with the otger woman he had waiting in the wings. Sob story. I know, but truth is real. Thank you so much.
Jls
Comment from Sis Cat
"There is no wrestling with brokenness."
This is a powerful poem about the aftermath of a relationship. You open with questions about epiphanies as you dissect what went wrong in your relationship. You are right. It is in solitude that we find the answers.
Your free verse poem has a meditation d quality about it as you dig in deep. Your words flow beautifully because your thoughts flow beautifully and honestly. Yes epiphanies strike us at the oddest moments. . .after the dust has settled. Thank you for sharing. Your poem improves on the second and third reading.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
 |
"There is no wrestling with brokenness."
This is a powerful poem about the aftermath of a relationship. You open with questions about epiphanies as you dissect what went wrong in your relationship. You are right. It is in solitude that we find the answers.
Your free verse poem has a meditation d quality about it as you dig in deep. Your words flow beautifully because your thoughts flow beautifully and honestly. Yes epiphanies strike us at the oddest moments. . .after the dust has settled. Thank you for sharing. Your poem improves on the second and third reading.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
-
Sis Cat, thank you very much for stopping by to read and review my work once again. I am honored, Jimi
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! This is a great poem, Jimi. I have to grant you six stars for bearing your soul with your fellow Fanstorians, for showing us how you have won the battle, become the victor, and made peace with your ex-husband. You're a hero, without coming right out and saying it. I think true epiphanies glow with humility.
You have some awesome lines in this poem. Here are my favorite instances of imagery,
"For me, it is now the solitude
of singleness;
being the only person on the porch
where the sun shines
bright and clear" ...love the alliteration there, "solitude of singleness". I can see you basking in the sun on your front porch.
and,
"I rise from my morning ritual of coffee,
sunshine, and warmth-
take a deep breath, sigh..."
Gordon Lightfoot has written many beautiful songs, and still scratches them down in his old age, guitar in hand. I'd like to share this one with you, called "Harmony". He wrote it in 2004, and I've sung it many times. We all want to have harmony in our lives. Your poem caused me to remember it.
https://youtu.be/ztZvWWc4itE
I hope I can season your poem a bit, if you'll allow me.
"Are epiphanies a welcome mat
of acceptance and understanding?" ...(I like the metaphor here, but "mat" should agree with "epiphanies". I suggest,
Are epiphanies welcome mats
of acceptance and understanding?)
and, continuing in the same regard,
"A spark which culminates in
"Wow, I could have had a V-8?" " ...("spark" should agree with the same notion, "epiphanies". So I suggest,
Sparks which culminate in
Now as much as I liked your first metaphor, I didn't understand the exclamation of slurping down a V-8. A culmination of sparks, however, could mingle with a multitude of stars on a dingy night.)
I do like the way you open with questions the reader must ask himself/herself.
"I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces" ...(You are bearing yourself to us, Jimi. Therefore, you need to keep this poem on a personal level. I suggest,
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips my dreams
and my soul into
irretrievable pieces"
"There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay" ...(I think I see where you're going here; you're drowning, so why not say it? Also, "time" signals "when", not "where". So I suggest,
There was a time
when thoughts almost drowned me
in murky waters of confusion
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay)
"the sound of pounding fist" ...(pounding fists)
"Focus is on gratitude and grace
The birds begin to produce
a symphony of peace,
of well being" ...(to parallel "being", I suggest
Focusing on gratitude and grace
while background birds
symphonize peace and
well being)
"that shattered their heart" ...(I think you should keep "negative chatter" in the present. You may have more tranquil moments now, and you may be able to handle your depression better, but Satan is a needler...The Needler is a Covenant projectile weapon that fires long, sharp crystalline shards that are guided until they impale a target...he will never cease trying to bring you down. So I suggest,
and quieten the negative chatter
that shatters hearts)
"his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
is no less important than mine" ...(once again, parallels.
I suggest,
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horrors
are no less important than mine)
"There is no wrestling with brokenness
but celebrating wholeness" ...(keep it personal. I suggest,
I won't wrestle with brokenness
but celebrate wholeness)
Congratulations on another "Poem of the Month", Jimi. It should be there.
Hugs,
your fan,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
|
Wow! This is a great poem, Jimi. I have to grant you six stars for bearing your soul with your fellow Fanstorians, for showing us how you have won the battle, become the victor, and made peace with your ex-husband. You're a hero, without coming right out and saying it. I think true epiphanies glow with humility.
You have some awesome lines in this poem. Here are my favorite instances of imagery,
"For me, it is now the solitude
of singleness;
being the only person on the porch
where the sun shines
bright and clear" ...love the alliteration there, "solitude of singleness". I can see you basking in the sun on your front porch.
and,
"I rise from my morning ritual of coffee,
sunshine, and warmth-
take a deep breath, sigh..."
Gordon Lightfoot has written many beautiful songs, and still scratches them down in his old age, guitar in hand. I'd like to share this one with you, called "Harmony". He wrote it in 2004, and I've sung it many times. We all want to have harmony in our lives. Your poem caused me to remember it.
https://youtu.be/ztZvWWc4itE
I hope I can season your poem a bit, if you'll allow me.
"Are epiphanies a welcome mat
of acceptance and understanding?" ...(I like the metaphor here, but "mat" should agree with "epiphanies". I suggest,
Are epiphanies welcome mats
of acceptance and understanding?)
and, continuing in the same regard,
"A spark which culminates in
"Wow, I could have had a V-8?" " ...("spark" should agree with the same notion, "epiphanies". So I suggest,
Sparks which culminate in
Now as much as I liked your first metaphor, I didn't understand the exclamation of slurping down a V-8. A culmination of sparks, however, could mingle with a multitude of stars on a dingy night.)
I do like the way you open with questions the reader must ask himself/herself.
"I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces" ...(You are bearing yourself to us, Jimi. Therefore, you need to keep this poem on a personal level. I suggest,
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips my dreams
and my soul into
irretrievable pieces"
"There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay" ...(I think I see where you're going here; you're drowning, so why not say it? Also, "time" signals "when", not "where". So I suggest,
There was a time
when thoughts almost drowned me
in murky waters of confusion
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay)
"the sound of pounding fist" ...(pounding fists)
"Focus is on gratitude and grace
The birds begin to produce
a symphony of peace,
of well being" ...(to parallel "being", I suggest
Focusing on gratitude and grace
while background birds
symphonize peace and
well being)
"that shattered their heart" ...(I think you should keep "negative chatter" in the present. You may have more tranquil moments now, and you may be able to handle your depression better, but Satan is a needler...The Needler is a Covenant projectile weapon that fires long, sharp crystalline shards that are guided until they impale a target...he will never cease trying to bring you down. So I suggest,
and quieten the negative chatter
that shatters hearts)
"his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
is no less important than mine" ...(once again, parallels.
I suggest,
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horrors
are no less important than mine)
"There is no wrestling with brokenness
but celebrating wholeness" ...(keep it personal. I suggest,
I won't wrestle with brokenness
but celebrate wholeness)
Congratulations on another "Poem of the Month", Jimi. It should be there.
Hugs,
your fan,
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
-
Kimbob, I love you and hope you are doing well. I will definitely change. I loved the suggestions. your ardent fan.. jimi
Comment from dmt1967
It is sad when the one person in the world we loved and trusted is gone. It is harder, I think when that person left of his own free will and distroyed us in the process. Great poem and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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It is sad when the one person in the world we loved and trusted is gone. It is harder, I think when that person left of his own free will and distroyed us in the process. Great poem and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
-
Dmt1967, how true is your statement. In my case I never left on my own free will but it was decided for me. Life has a way of teaching you valuable lessons. But one should never stop trusting because of one person. Thank you for readingcand reviewing. Jlsavell
Comment from country ranch writer
sometimes in life things don't turn out like we wish they had it takes two but then you already know that. what once was will never be again for once the love and trust is gone there is no getting it back again all you can do is move forward and don't look back
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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sometimes in life things don't turn out like we wish they had it takes two but then you already know that. what once was will never be again for once the love and trust is gone there is no getting it back again all you can do is move forward and don't look back
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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country ranch writer, no truer words said. There are times when moving on and never looking back is not only necessary for your sanity but for your life and whole emotional well being. That being said, it is often easier said than done when you feel so connected. But at the end of the day, it isn't about the flutters or the dreams wanting to be realized, it is about how does that one person make you feel about yourself and the world. If the answer is not good, move on absolutely and undeniably. Most often change is scarey, but when that change becomes less scarier than the world or circle of influence you live in, only then can one move on. That being said, this poem is more about experience and self awareness than it is about my ex. He never has a hateful bone in his body, he just had issues from ptsd Viet Nam. Trust, you are right, is imperative.Thank you for reading and for the stars!! I am honored,, jlsavell
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our guys and the war are are biggest problems when they come home they have gone through so much the relive it just about every day and nights I think the nights are worse. It was for my uncle
Comment from Gloria ....
Jimi, I actually really enjoy the opening stanza. I get a kick out of the bonk on the head from a V-8. Man alive if vegetables were only that easy to consume.
Sometimes it is so hard to know exactly what it is one is feeling hurt, hate, pain and then you realize it's all of them and then what a tangle it is.
What a wonderfully poetic way to state that sense of confusion.
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay
The change up fast ball, wow, doesn't that ever say it all.
The entire stanza of four walls skewing shadows and wounds caused that will never disappear is amazing.
Solitude is so much simpler, for when the sun shines it is clear.
And I gotta say that morning coffee ritual is second to none and neither is celebrating wholeness.
Exceptional epiphany and exceptional poem that can be relished many times again.
Wonderful Jimi as per your always. You write amazing free verse and I love every curve along the way.
Gloria
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
|
Jimi, I actually really enjoy the opening stanza. I get a kick out of the bonk on the head from a V-8. Man alive if vegetables were only that easy to consume.
Sometimes it is so hard to know exactly what it is one is feeling hurt, hate, pain and then you realize it's all of them and then what a tangle it is.
What a wonderfully poetic way to state that sense of confusion.
There was a time
where thoughts stayed suspended
in a murky fluid of suffocation
I couldn't leave,
nor could I stay
The change up fast ball, wow, doesn't that ever say it all.
The entire stanza of four walls skewing shadows and wounds caused that will never disappear is amazing.
Solitude is so much simpler, for when the sun shines it is clear.
And I gotta say that morning coffee ritual is second to none and neither is celebrating wholeness.
Exceptional epiphany and exceptional poem that can be relished many times again.
Wonderful Jimi as per your always. You write amazing free verse and I love every curve along the way.
Gloria
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
-
you beautiful woman are such an encourager. I have never once considered myself a writer much less accomplished at free verse. Wish I had curves.. lol.. thank you so very much.. jimi
Comment from Wabigoon
Jimi--
I think this poem answers some long held questions for me maybe. But I want to begin by saying you do your usual thing, describing the emotion in great detail and at considerable length. This is something you just do.
But, you could, for instance cut, without damaging the poem an iota, these two stanzas.
Are epiphanies a welcome mat
of acceptance and understanding?
A spark which culminates in
"Wow, I could have had a V-8?"
Do they release burdens
from the human condition
of how and why?
So very much in my heart;
pent up emotions, trying
to extricate the hurt;
or is it hate?
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces
and not hurt the meaning of the poem. Both of the first two stanzas are introductory. That's how you work, and that's okay but sometimes its prosy? A bit unnecessary.
And then this:
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
(is) no less important than mine -- would be "are" would it not?
Without the first two stanzas that last "epiphany" takes on much greater importance.
But, I enjoyed this. Sounds like you're doing well on your own.
Best
Jeff
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
|
Jimi--
I think this poem answers some long held questions for me maybe. But I want to begin by saying you do your usual thing, describing the emotion in great detail and at considerable length. This is something you just do.
But, you could, for instance cut, without damaging the poem an iota, these two stanzas.
Are epiphanies a welcome mat
of acceptance and understanding?
A spark which culminates in
"Wow, I could have had a V-8?"
Do they release burdens
from the human condition
of how and why?
So very much in my heart;
pent up emotions, trying
to extricate the hurt;
or is it hate?
I don't want to hate,
nor do I want to feel the pain
which rips your dreams
and your soul in
irretrievable pieces
and not hurt the meaning of the poem. Both of the first two stanzas are introductory. That's how you work, and that's okay but sometimes its prosy? A bit unnecessary.
And then this:
his trials, his fears, his pain, his horror
(is) no less important than mine -- would be "are" would it not?
Without the first two stanzas that last "epiphany" takes on much greater importance.
But, I enjoyed this. Sounds like you're doing well on your own.
Best
Jeff
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
-
Jeff, once again a big thank you. I am honored.. most definitely.. JIMI
Sending you an email through a new email address. Much respect.. Jimi
