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Viewing comments for Chapter 130 "Frustrations"Personal poems
14 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
Frustrations - An apt title for the content of this poetic that compares our inner thoughts that want to BURST out of their shell, our inner workings and skeleton cage into the world at freedom of the skies of the raptor.
The sporadic placing of the phrases makes the reader slow down and with their birder's glasses - find where the eagle has landed with each flight of words.
Good conclusion (explosion) at the end. Yes - sometimes that is exactly what we wish would happen.
Nice pairing of raptor and recapture.
Rose.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016
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Frustrations - An apt title for the content of this poetic that compares our inner thoughts that want to BURST out of their shell, our inner workings and skeleton cage into the world at freedom of the skies of the raptor.
The sporadic placing of the phrases makes the reader slow down and with their birder's glasses - find where the eagle has landed with each flight of words.
Good conclusion (explosion) at the end. Yes - sometimes that is exactly what we wish would happen.
Nice pairing of raptor and recapture.
Rose.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016
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Thank you Rose. Yes, I like how you described the hunt for words that are skattered about. Pantygynt actually suggested the dramatization of that last word. I originally only had it bolded.
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It was a great suggestion. It worked for me. Rose.
Comment from I am Cat
Tom,
This is VERY powerful and is exactly what I feel is inside you at MOST times. ;)
Of course, you know that already. I think this is a VERY good poem that gets at some of that. And though I know your work isn't 'about that'... there isn't any reason not to 'go there' occasionally. I, personally, think you're REALLY good at this sort of thing. (perhaps because you're like a pressure cooker after all these years? or maybe just because you've become so good at keeping it in... occasionally it feels good to let it out? I don't know, but the times I've seen you let loose, it's been just beautiful. I, for one, love it.) I know I"m only ONE person. But that's my opinion, for what it's worth LOL
So... I give this a six, because, even though I do suggest a few minor things, they aren't reliant on the poem's worth. It's great without these changes, these are just some thoughts and are completely up to you as to whether or not you agree.
;) i"m merely here to review.
Well done, Tom.. I REALLY enjoyed this.
Happy Valentine's Day to you and Karen,
Cat
My thoughts:
Do not my frustrations
fly?
They take me
places
dark and brooding.
And though
I diligently try
to
keep them
pent and penned,
in the end
my resolutions bend
to release
feeling
what [I] was foreboding. (suggest leaving the pronoun out?)
(this is a powerful opening which had me hooked immediately! Opening with the question draws the reader in... and gets them thinking.... should I? Would I?)
Then(,)
helter-skelter
[my] thoughts roam, (suggest leaving 'my' out... more powerful without)
until [I] finally(, I) bring them home. (also suggest switching the pronoun behind the adverb)
Like raptors on the loose,
I'll recapture them,
until,
once again,
like caged or shackled creatures,
in prisoned pain, (respectfully suggest: 'imprisoned in pain')
(Love this reference to helter-skelter (which i've seen a few times in the last week... and it always has me thinking, Charles Manson.. CRAZY! LOL... but the imagery here of the caged and shackled creatures is a powerful one)
their
fitted fetters
B - U - R - S - T.
(love the way you've ended it... perfect!)
WEll done!
cat
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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Tom,
This is VERY powerful and is exactly what I feel is inside you at MOST times. ;)
Of course, you know that already. I think this is a VERY good poem that gets at some of that. And though I know your work isn't 'about that'... there isn't any reason not to 'go there' occasionally. I, personally, think you're REALLY good at this sort of thing. (perhaps because you're like a pressure cooker after all these years? or maybe just because you've become so good at keeping it in... occasionally it feels good to let it out? I don't know, but the times I've seen you let loose, it's been just beautiful. I, for one, love it.) I know I"m only ONE person. But that's my opinion, for what it's worth LOL
So... I give this a six, because, even though I do suggest a few minor things, they aren't reliant on the poem's worth. It's great without these changes, these are just some thoughts and are completely up to you as to whether or not you agree.
;) i"m merely here to review.
Well done, Tom.. I REALLY enjoyed this.
Happy Valentine's Day to you and Karen,
Cat
My thoughts:
Do not my frustrations
fly?
They take me
places
dark and brooding.
And though
I diligently try
to
keep them
pent and penned,
in the end
my resolutions bend
to release
feeling
what [I] was foreboding. (suggest leaving the pronoun out?)
(this is a powerful opening which had me hooked immediately! Opening with the question draws the reader in... and gets them thinking.... should I? Would I?)
Then(,)
helter-skelter
[my] thoughts roam, (suggest leaving 'my' out... more powerful without)
until [I] finally(, I) bring them home. (also suggest switching the pronoun behind the adverb)
Like raptors on the loose,
I'll recapture them,
until,
once again,
like caged or shackled creatures,
in prisoned pain, (respectfully suggest: 'imprisoned in pain')
(Love this reference to helter-skelter (which i've seen a few times in the last week... and it always has me thinking, Charles Manson.. CRAZY! LOL... but the imagery here of the caged and shackled creatures is a powerful one)
their
fitted fetters
B - U - R - S - T.
(love the way you've ended it... perfect!)
WEll done!
cat
Comment Written 14-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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Thank you Cat. Hah, your the second person who wanted me to say "imprisoned", but like I told them, that's a different thought. I meant for it to be an adjective. I appreciate the thoughts though, they mean a lot to me,and love I the six.
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you don't think that 'imprisoned in pain' and
'in prisoned pain' are basically the same?
interesting. ;)
either way, ultimately, it's your choice. Like I said, it's an awesome poem.
Well done
Cat
Comment from TAB_that's me
Great photo you took. A dark poem but frustration and helter-skelter thoughts will do that to a person. I like the free verse.
teresa
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Great photo you took. A dark poem but frustration and helter-skelter thoughts will do that to a person. I like the free verse.
teresa
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Teresa. I was glad to catch that moment, as it shows off a red tail hawk's red tail.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening, Poet,
I enjoyed your poem and admire the metaphors used in the poem. The opening line is both creative and eye-catching. Your free verse poem with some end-rhyme does a good job expressing one's frustration with 'frustration.'
The presentation of the poem is unique and interesting. I must admit, I did have some problem following the verse, but this is more my being older than dirt and having only one good eye.
A good read this evening.
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Good Evening, Poet,
I enjoyed your poem and admire the metaphors used in the poem. The opening line is both creative and eye-catching. Your free verse poem with some end-rhyme does a good job expressing one's frustration with 'frustration.'
The presentation of the poem is unique and interesting. I must admit, I did have some problem following the verse, but this is more my being older than dirt and having only one good eye.
A good read this evening.
Ray
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Ray. Sorry about the jumping around,. That's what frustration does fir you.
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Yes indeed! Well done.
R
Comment from ciliverde
It was a good exercise for my brain to read this - the text jumping around kind of got to me, but it's GOOD for me to view things in a different way - and you are thus sharing your frustrations with me! :-)
I have to resist the urge to copy and paste, and look at your poem in standard format - lol. But I have to say, your words about raptors on the loose, as opposed to those shackled or chained...may burst their "fitted fetters" in pain.
How did you get that photo? You work with raptors?
Carol
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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It was a good exercise for my brain to read this - the text jumping around kind of got to me, but it's GOOD for me to view things in a different way - and you are thus sharing your frustrations with me! :-)
I have to resist the urge to copy and paste, and look at your poem in standard format - lol. But I have to say, your words about raptors on the loose, as opposed to those shackled or chained...may burst their "fitted fetters" in pain.
How did you get that photo? You work with raptors?
Carol
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Carol. I took the picture at a raptor center outing.
Comment from Joan E.
See--I told you that you bested Evil Eddie when it comes to spacing! I admired your comparison to "raptors on the loose" and "shackled creatures". Your treatment of the final word and your falcon photo are very effective as well. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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See--I told you that you bested Evil Eddie when it comes to spacing! I admired your comparison to "raptors on the loose" and "shackled creatures". Your treatment of the final word and your falcon photo are very effective as well. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Joan, yup, but he's a real pain.
Comment from royowen
I'm liking the fitted fetters burst, metaphor, I guess that's when frustrations keep surfacing and returning, reviving one to those hated emotions and notions, usually self destructive, that's the trouble with anger, unforgiveness, they sap the humanity out of one, they eat the person who experience them, not to whom or what they're focussed.
Brilliantly expressed, the metaphoric analogies are very well projected, giving violent I,pets to the language, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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I'm liking the fitted fetters burst, metaphor, I guess that's when frustrations keep surfacing and returning, reviving one to those hated emotions and notions, usually self destructive, that's the trouble with anger, unforgiveness, they sap the humanity out of one, they eat the person who experience them, not to whom or what they're focussed.
Brilliantly expressed, the metaphoric analogies are very well projected, giving violent I,pets to the language, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Roy.
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Most welcome
Comment from Linda England Bonam
Very clever the way you designed this piece. I really like it. Yes, we try like crazy to keep our frustrations under wraps, but there's always that one thing that pushes us over the edge! Snap!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Very clever the way you designed this piece. I really like it. Yes, we try like crazy to keep our frustrations under wraps, but there's always that one thing that pushes us over the edge! Snap!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Linda. So true.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Sometimes we get frustrated because things don't go as we want it to go. We have to let it out somehow, the sooner the better before it explodes.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Sometimes we get frustrated because things don't go as we want it to go. We have to let it out somehow, the sooner the better before it explodes.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Good advice.
Comment from lindafisher
A great description of deep, disturbing feelings.Helter skelter my thoughts roam. I recognize this feeling. Interestingly set out. Well written. Regards Linda
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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A great description of deep, disturbing feelings.Helter skelter my thoughts roam. I recognize this feeling. Interestingly set out. Well written. Regards Linda
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2016
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Thank you Linda.
