Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

You have a terrific story of heartbreak. I enjoyed your inner rhymes for each line.

A few lines feel a bit forced. I'm no expert, but here are a few suggestions:

- "please don't tear our love apart" - I beg don't tear our love apart - this keeps the iambic meter going for the whole line.

- "because with me you do belong" - our lovely home's where you belong - this would be a more natural way to say it, and again keeps the iambic meter going.

- "please don't break my heart in two" - so please don't break my heart in two - just add so to give the iambic meter a boost

- "when out you go and me deceive" - I'm not a fool that you deceive

- "have caused me pain now with your lies" - have caused me pain, I know your lies

- "to make it right stop this facade" - to lower your deceitful guard - guard rhymes better with hard than facade.

These are just suggestions. You are the poet and make the final decisions on how you want your poem to look. Forgive me if I have overstepped my bounds.

Sincerely,

Joy

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

Hi Joy, I do so appreciate you review and suggestions and I will work on these as soon as I can. Sometimes a fresh eye can pick up errors and I am always grateful for help. I am certainly no expert either so always feel free to leave me a comment. Many Thanks and Cheers Christine😃

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

Hi Joy, I do so appreciate you review and suggestions and I will work on these as soon as I can. Sometimes a fresh eye can pick up errors and I am always grateful for help. I am certainly no expert either so always feel free to leave me a comment. Many Thanks and Cheers Christine😃

Comment from lindafisher

Excellent

What a heartrending poem you have written. You portray the agony of the wronged wife well. The verse is good and the rhythm steady. It is a really fine read. Regards Linda.

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2016

Hi Linda, Thank you for stopping by to have a read and review my poem, I thought I would look at Valentine from a sifferent angle I am glad you liked this Cheers Christine😃

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

Hi Chrissy,

There are a few lines that are a bit lengthy and inhibit the smooth flow, but for the most part, the internal rhyme in each line makes for a good read :)

I was happy for your author's notes, congrats on a long and happy marriage, with red roses, too! :)

Kim

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2016

Hi kim I thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. Something a bit different, but not biographical and yes the Rose were lovely to receive. Cheers Christine 😃

Comment from danpald

Excellent

hope your husband liked the poem
Reading it with truth well known
The feeling of love that moves inside
Even when knowing there are so many lies

How to live with the pain
What to do when this life does claim
Well to hold the love so strong
Even when heart is torn apart

Thankful for your insight
To those no with your life
The blessing of 41 yrs
That is a Valentine true my dear

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2016

Hi danpald, thanks for your lovely response fpr my Valentine Blue poem for all those out there who can relate to this view. yes we have had 41 years of happiness and I even reveived roses this year Cheers Christine😃

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

This is the first "Blue" valentine that I have reviewed. Nice poetic construction and no use of rhyme make the poem flow much better.

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi DonandVicki, Thanks for reading and reviewing my Valentine Poem. thought I would look at this event from a different angle. I hope you had a much happier Valentine's day Cheers Christine😃

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

I was so in live with the writer and so angry at the target. Then I read it was fiction and I felt cheated.
Really the rhyme and rhythm was so good and the words flowed smoothly throughout. A very good Valentine's day poem

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi Bob, many thanks for reading my work and I am sorry you felt cheated and yes it is fiction I had a lovely Valentine day
, but I thought many would not so This poem was for them I am glad you thought it was smooth. Hope you day was a good one too Cheers Christine😃

Comment from Kaydoe

Excellent

The title well suits this poem, "Blue Heart". I think many people are in this type of relationship and they just can't let go. My parents were in a similar situation, but now long passed away. It's hard on the children!

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi Kaydoe, Thank you for your review and thoughts on this subject and I am sure there are many out there This was for them. How sad for your you and your parents, I hope you have found happiness. Cheers Christine😃

Comment from brenda bickers

Excellent

Hi Chrissy,
I am sorry but I do not have any sixes left because this poem definitely deserves that.
I love poetry that rhymes and flows like this one. To me that is true poetry.
A very sad subject that I suspect touches raw nerves for a lot of people.
Great.
Brenda

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi Brenda, What a lovely review and I am so pleased you like my style. I really like good rhyme and try hard to make my poetry meaningful as well. So pleased you thought so highly of it and appreciate you letting me know Cheers Christine😃

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

oh man, I'm glad you're not writing from experience!! That's a bad place to be, I could not stand it. You're right, not all Valentine's Days are sweet, some are blue indeed, or worse - black, lol.
Nice, inventive internal rhymes here, and many statements that make me cringe for anyone going through this. I'd pray they had the strength to let the other person go - or MAKE them go. Just go!!! There :)
Carol

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi Carol, No definetly not biographical. I thought though I would write something different and came up with this angle. I hope it worked and I am sure it would be awful to feel like this. I think I would walk. Many Cheers for you ongoing support Christine 😃

Comment from Liberty Justice

Excellent

FIVE STSRS 5. Chrissy710 LOVELY. Where have you been. This poem tells the story of my past love life and heartbreaks of thousands of other women. I feel your pain dear poet, your desperation and your raw
determination to keep what is yours. Good luck
and may you find true joy. KEEP THE FAITH.

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016

Hi Liberty Justice, Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my poem, but this is not a biographical piece I have been married for 41 years and still happy even got roses today. I just thought about all those out there who aren't so lucky and so this was written for them . I appreciate your concern and message. Many Cheers for reading my work Christine😃

reply by Liberty Justice on 14-Feb-2016

You're so sweet and sympa-
thetic. Thank you for my
blue Valentine. I guess a
blue Valentine is better
than no valentine at all.
"It's better to have loved
and lost then never to
have loved at all.

reply by Liberty Justice on 14-Feb-2016

See my poetry book for
sale on front of any of
my poems you click on.
Some poems in my book
are not on fan story.

reply by Liberty Justice on 14-Feb-2016

Thank you so much for
my blue valentine. It's
the only valentine I
received. As I sit here all
alone in my dark lonely
home I guess "it is better
to have loved and lost than
never to have loved at all."
I've found peace and calm.