Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Bird's Food"All chapters
4 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
It sounds as if Doll is very tolerant of Russ and Liz is anticipating all that Russ is thinking/planning before he does it. Could these "dolls" have him all figured out? They seem to know him better than he knows himself. Always interesting to find out what he will do next. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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It sounds as if Doll is very tolerant of Russ and Liz is anticipating all that Russ is thinking/planning before he does it. Could these "dolls" have him all figured out? They seem to know him better than he knows himself. Always interesting to find out what he will do next. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Marilyn
As usual, I appreciate your review. You mean a lot to me. I hope to always be able to write what you'll find interesting.
Thanks for the rating.
Marv
Comment from F. Wehr3
This is an interesting story. This is the first post I've read by you. I am not sure what precisely is going on, but I enjoyed it.
Please consider the following:
'We shot the sheep for a while before I got to the point.' I have never heard of the phrase 'shot the sheep'.
If I'm going to use his idea for a plot I might need more details. Conditional clause, use comma after plot.
Overall, very good.
All the best,
Russell
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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This is an interesting story. This is the first post I've read by you. I am not sure what precisely is going on, but I enjoyed it.
Please consider the following:
'We shot the sheep for a while before I got to the point.' I have never heard of the phrase 'shot the sheep'.
If I'm going to use his idea for a plot I might need more details. Conditional clause, use comma after plot.
Overall, very good.
All the best,
Russell
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Russell
I'm Glad you read this chapter and found it interesting. What a coincidence that your name is Russell. (I used only one 'l,' in my novel)
Here's the gist: Screenwriter, Russ, came up with the title, 'Loophole.' When he mentions it to potential producers, it triggers in their mind what they think the script is about, without Russ having to say another word.
So far, this has happened with two producers and Russ is looking for a third.
I believe 'Shoot the sheep' is my own creation, meaning, 'shoot the breeze,' 'shoot the bull,' etc.
Thanks for the comma tip.
I'd be happy if you cared to catch up a little. The chapters are short.
Thanks for reviewing and thanks for the rating.
Marv
Comment from Jay Squires
Okay, what I know about setting is it is more than likely in doors, since Doll went to use the ladies room. The rest of it might as well be floating though the clouds or fog. I must say, I didn't have any trouble identifying the speakers this time. That was a problem in the past. But I don't think I'm any different from any other reader in wanting to get a feeling for location when I read. If they are in a restaurant, I want to smell the hash cooking. If they are at the library, probably the scraping of chairs on the floor and an occasional shushing for their chatter. I get no feeling of any of that here.
Sorry, Marv. You are such a good writer with your dialogue. Have you considered a play? You'd still have to show setting at the beginning and any major transition.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Okay, what I know about setting is it is more than likely in doors, since Doll went to use the ladies room. The rest of it might as well be floating though the clouds or fog. I must say, I didn't have any trouble identifying the speakers this time. That was a problem in the past. But I don't think I'm any different from any other reader in wanting to get a feeling for location when I read. If they are in a restaurant, I want to smell the hash cooking. If they are at the library, probably the scraping of chairs on the floor and an occasional shushing for their chatter. I get no feeling of any of that here.
Sorry, Marv. You are such a good writer with your dialogue. Have you considered a play? You'd still have to show setting at the beginning and any major transition.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Jay
Thanks for taking the time to review chapter 29.
Your comments about setting could apply to all my locations with the possible exception of the waiting room in chapter 8. I must address this deficiency eventually.
Introduced in the last lines of Chapter 25, the eatery is called Maisie's Muffins. Today's Special: The Maisie Mousse.
More description is in chapter 26., where I mention a 'Coffee Only' line and little else.
Your remarks about my dialogue are gratifying. I've written a One Act comedy, which received some positive feedback. The third scene needs to be revised.
Good luck with all your projects.
Marv
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I'm not sure I know what this story is all about. There must be some previous chapters that I have missed. It is a very nice job of writing. The dialogue is handled very well. Good work.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Excellent. I'm not sure I know what this story is all about. There must be some previous chapters that I have missed. It is a very nice job of writing. The dialogue is handled very well. Good work.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hey, Pretty!
Thanks for reviewing chapter 29 of my novel, The Magic Title. I appreciate the many stars. Thanks for the dialogue and writing compliments.
I think the previous chapters are available, if you like.
Marv
