A Wilted Flower
Free Verse45 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Excellent poem, BG. I found it all so true-to-life based on my father's last years in a nursing home. This especially resonated with me:
'Feeling less like someone
and more like some thing,
waiting to be tossed away.'
Great entry for the contest. I wish you luck!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
  |
Excellent poem, BG. I found it all so true-to-life based on my father's last years in a nursing home. This especially resonated with me:
'Feeling less like someone
and more like some thing,
waiting to be tossed away.'
Great entry for the contest. I wish you luck!
:) Bev
Comment Written 28-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
-
Thanks, Bev.It is hard to watch our loved one's health decline in their later years.
Hugs,
Karen
-
Yes, it sure is, Karen. You're very welcome. :)
Comment from melyuki
Hi boxergirl, thank you for sharing this most beautiful poem that has so much meaning. Your words mould a very real picture in today's world of some of our elderly folk and your comparison to the sad wilted flower is perfect. Many of these people have still so much to offer if only given a little time of day. I hope you did well in the contest and thank you again for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed your writing. cheers mel
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
 |
Hi boxergirl, thank you for sharing this most beautiful poem that has so much meaning. Your words mould a very real picture in today's world of some of our elderly folk and your comparison to the sad wilted flower is perfect. Many of these people have still so much to offer if only given a little time of day. I hope you did well in the contest and thank you again for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed your writing. cheers mel
Comment Written 27-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
-
Hi Mel,
Thanks so much for your high review and insightful comments!
Blessings,
Karen :-)
Comment from Beara Bella
Don't get me wrong, this is great. I think the ending should of been worded different than tossed away since that was already used. Clichés are a tad used like tick tock and day in--day out. I would of like something different just for more creativity. But the clock lines made me laugh so I can't criticize the tick tock too much. Like I said great poem. You really can see she's alone and near the end of her life. Definitely keep writing you have a talent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
 |
Don't get me wrong, this is great. I think the ending should of been worded different than tossed away since that was already used. Clichés are a tad used like tick tock and day in--day out. I would of like something different just for more creativity. But the clock lines made me laugh so I can't criticize the tick tock too much. Like I said great poem. You really can see she's alone and near the end of her life. Definitely keep writing you have a talent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
-
Hi BB,
Thanks for stopping by and reviewing. I did mention tossed away twice as an emphasis and connection between the flower and the person. :-)
-
That makes sense. Seriously, keep up the writing. You definitely have a talent for it.
Comment from mermaids
I am a nurse in a nursing home, I work on an Alzheimer's unit. Many of my residents have visitors every day, it seems like times have changed and more people care. Your lady in the poem is real, many do not have visitors, they out live their families or the families do not visit.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
|
I am a nurse in a nursing home, I work on an Alzheimer's unit. Many of my residents have visitors every day, it seems like times have changed and more people care. Your lady in the poem is real, many do not have visitors, they out live their families or the families do not visit.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
-
Thanks for your review and comments. And yes, I agree we are making progress in senior care...a lot because more laws and scrunity which is a good thing. It is sad when they dont have family or friends that visit. Care workers, often overloaded, can only do so much. :-)
Comment from Judvan2
Right on. Good write that explains the feelings of the old, stuck in their bodies that no longer work. I take care of a 92 year old woman who told me she's not long for this world, and its fine with her because her body can no longer do what her mind wants to. Thanks for writing.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
|
Right on. Good write that explains the feelings of the old, stuck in their bodies that no longer work. I take care of a 92 year old woman who told me she's not long for this world, and its fine with her because her body can no longer do what her mind wants to. Thanks for writing.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
-
Thank you for your review and comments. And yes, longevity of life often creates a problem physically or mentally...your 92 year old lady is lucky to have you to help her with her physical needs.
God bless! :-)
Comment from lightink
You capture the painful monotony and hopelessness so well in this caring poem!
The body language, the useless waiting...
Heartbreaking!
I particularly liked this very effective metaphor:
"trapped in the maze
of her life's last stage'
And this very well penned distinction:
"Feeling less like someone
and more like some thing,"
Thank you for this important message!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
|
You capture the painful monotony and hopelessness so well in this caring poem!
The body language, the useless waiting...
Heartbreaking!
I particularly liked this very effective metaphor:
"trapped in the maze
of her life's last stage'
And this very well penned distinction:
"Feeling less like someone
and more like some thing,"
Thank you for this important message!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
-
Thank you for your review and kind comments. It is a hard topic.
Karen :-)
Comment from frogbook
This was very poignant and sad. All too true. It was really well written and a great read, Please reread as you have some extra A's in there that come from going back and forth from advanced editing, that u need to remove.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
|
This was very poignant and sad. All too true. It was really well written and a great read, Please reread as you have some extra A's in there that come from going back and forth from advanced editing, that u need to remove.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
-
Thanks so much for your review and catching the A's. Tried editong from my phone. :-)
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Karen. before I forget, congratulations on the release of your poetry collection. As for this poem. It is so full of loneliness and emotions. I hat seeing a dead flower in the first place. And, I can just picture this person sitting there all alone. Terrible existence:
"Confusion is her companion.
Fear resides with her too.
But like a long lost friend,
a mem'ry drops in,
giving brief reliefĂ? from misery.:
Great writing, Karen. Bob
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
|
Hi, Karen. before I forget, congratulations on the release of your poetry collection. As for this poem. It is so full of loneliness and emotions. I hat seeing a dead flower in the first place. And, I can just picture this person sitting there all alone. Terrible existence:
"Confusion is her companion.
Fear resides with her too.
But like a long lost friend,
a mem'ry drops in,
giving brief reliefĂ? from misery.:
Great writing, Karen. Bob
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
-
Thanks, Bob. It is a hard topic but I felt compelled to write about it.
I did the self publish route with my poetry book. Jax showed me how. I was pleased with how it turned out. :-)
Comment from c_lucas
The history you read about in Text book was live through by the elderly. It is a good thing to visit with the elderly. The only problem I have with my own advice is that as the days past, I realize I am on of the elderly.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
|
The history you read about in Text book was live through by the elderly. It is a good thing to visit with the elderly. The only problem I have with my own advice is that as the days past, I realize I am on of the elderly.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
-
Thanks, Charlie. I know what you mean about being on the elderly team...time marches on.
Some people still remain independent into their senior years. I want to be one of them. But if I cant I hope Iwill still be treated with dignity and respect. :-)
-
So far, approaching 73, I have been one. BG. Charlie
Comment from happykat4
I enjoyed your poem. However, I have seen the same thing and sometimes I wonder why. I know things happen in God's time but I always ask why. I am so glad you visited and let them share their stories. The poem is a sad commentary on how we (this country) treat and feel about the aged. Thank you for the poem but also you wonderful humanity. Bless you. Kat
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
|
I enjoyed your poem. However, I have seen the same thing and sometimes I wonder why. I know things happen in God's time but I always ask why. I am so glad you visited and let them share their stories. The poem is a sad commentary on how we (this country) treat and feel about the aged. Thank you for the poem but also you wonderful humanity. Bless you. Kat
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
-
Thanks so much, Kat for yor review and comments. We as a country do need to step it up in regards to those who are suffering in this situation. Treat them with the respect they deserve. Blessings! :-)