Comment from SSSoto

Excellent

What a sweet fairy tale, simple and very suitable for children! I could easily imagine the fantastical fairy world, and the happy ending brought a smile to my face (:

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016

Thanks so much for your review. I am happy you enjoyed the story. I would like to revise at a later date, and make it into a children's story.

Comment from MaBaker

Excellent

Well that was short and sweet. I was just getting interested and then wham! It finished. Was there a word count? Something must have made you stop. Please tell me why. No typos that I could see. Regards Mabaker

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016

Thanks so much for your review. I am happy you enjoyed the story. I would like to revise at a later date, and make it into a children's story. The contest called for a short story, and longer ones are rejected, so I was unsure just how short a short story should be. I think the twins would be able to have some simple adventures working with their wands. After all they were just begot, right?

Comment from Bill O'Bier

Excellent

A very nice piece- to read on a cold snowy day in Virginia. Your words are well chosen. The artwork compliments the theme of the poem. Thanks for sharing--
Bill

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

I can remember snowy days in Virginia when I was a child, but you have a blizzard. Thank you for reviewing and here is hoping that the storm is short lived.

Comment from happykat4

Excellent

Cute little fairy story. One question if she was supposed to be a twin, what happened that she ended up in the lettuce, while her twin was born in the cabbage? I am glad that she get back with her twin fairy and live happily ever after. All the synonyms used to describe Serendipity work very well in the story. Good luck in the contest. Kat

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

Thanks so much for your review. I am happy you enjoyed the story. I would like to revise at a later date, and make it into a children's story.

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-I really like the artwork for your story.
-You followed the directions very well.
-Organization is good and synonyms chosen are good.
-You introduce the reader to Serendipity and tell of her birth under a lettuce leaf.
-Then, she has no wand and was going to risk finding her twin.
-It was nice that Serendipity's song reached her twin first, and they lived the life they were meant to.
-Since you are in a contest, there are a couple of things to consider:
* "inder" (under)
* a couple of commas needed:
"sing and as her lilting song floated on the wind toward the village it was"
(sing , village , )

"her magic wand, and with her twin lived" (twin , lived)

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

I am so appreciative of your review, and the corrections needed. I have gone back and made the corrections, but this is the second time I have done this when they were pointed out to me. If I may ask a favor. Please read again, and if you do not see the corrections contact me again. Most reviews do not point out anything. I did save, and in reading, the corrections were there. Don't know if it is my PC or the site, but I need to let them know if the spellcheck or save is not working for me. Thank you so very much.

reply by Pam (respa) on 23-Jan-2016

I re-read your story and the only thing missing is the comma separating twin from lived in the last paragraph. Everything else is fine. You are welcome for the review, and I am glad you appreciated it. I enjoy helping people. If you agree with the comma and let me know, I will edit your review. It's a small thing, but in a contest, everything counts in my opinion.

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

Thank you for going over it again. That last comma was my mistake. All seems to be working ok now. I am grateful for your time.

reply by Pam (respa) on 23-Jan-2016

You are very welcome. I was going to edit the review, but I guess because it is a contest, I can't do it until after it is over. Good luck!

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

Serendipity is a wonderful word choice
for the contest theme
And you have written a fine little story
using the synonyms very well
Perhaps it was serendipity that guided your pen
If so, you did the theme very well
Great picture to match your story
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

Thanks so much for your review. I am happy you enjoyed the story. I would like to revise at a later date, and make it into a children's story.

Comment from trumby

Excellent

I like stories that have a "searching" theme running through them.
There's a desired outcome; a strong goal; and a necessary result.
Well done. Good adherence to the theme.
A pleasure to read.
Thanks for sharng

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

There would have to be some revision to make it readable for children, but that is my goal. Thank you for reviewing and your comments. I hope you are not in the path of the bad weather.

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

Lovely synonyms abound. A very good start to a fairy tale that could easily become a book. You may have to start with synonyms that small children can relate to. Nice work.

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2016

Yes there would have to be some revision to make it readable for children. Thank you for reviewing and your comments. I hope you are not in the path of the bad weather.

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

This was imaginative and inventive and pleasant to read. It seems like it would form a strong basis for a childrens story. Fairies are such mystical wonderful creatures.

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

Thanks for such a nice review. This is one I want to expand on later for a children's book.

reply by Douglas Paul on 22-Jan-2016

I think you should.

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

I love the picture, I love the writing, I enjoyed it very much. It is outstanding. I wish I had six stars. This is just magical as is the read. Loooooooovvvvvvve it.. Keep it up, seriously.

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 22-Jan-2016

Thanks for such a nice review. This is one I want to expand on later for a children's book.