Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

You did a good job with this writing challenge. I didn't know why you had those colors in bold until I read your notes. Great rhythm and well chosen rhymes. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016

The contest will put the rules below the entry for ease in reviewing as there are so many contests and the review is to make sure the entry follows them all. I think it is a great idea and sure helps me both in reviewing and entering contests as I am so uneducated in all of the different forms of poetry. Thanks for your review and have a good weekend.

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

This makes me think of the country singer and his friend that went off into the storm joking about it and were never seen again alive. Then you have those who work on the sea and have no choice about being out there. Wonderful job with this

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016

Is that true about a country singer doing that? Amazing as I have never heard that one before. Who was it do you remember? Anyway thanks for you review and have a good day.

reply by ExperiencingLiphe on 17-Jan-2016

Craig Strickland and his friend went into a storm. Their boat capsized. They say Craig Strickland died of hypothermia they say. Before they went in they tweeted: "In case we don't come back, @BackroadCraig and I are going right through Winter Storm Goliath to kill ducks in Oklahoma,...They laughed the storm off even though they knew about it and paid the price

Comment from tbacha58

Exceptional

The storms claim bounty so you see
The mates on deck were lost at sea

This story is a master piece, i followed your words with my imagination so that i could feel the sadness in the story. Following also your rhyming, gave me the opportunity to feel while reading as if its a song, so it removed a little the sad message. The picture is amazing. Very well done. Hope u win. Terry xo

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016

I thank you for the vote of confidence and the stars. I am always so happy when someone can feel what I have written for that is what it is all about. I do so appreciate your review.

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Great colorful story of the sailers on the sea. I like the gray and blackened sky with the white foam. The contrasts are stark. The red buoys tossed. No anchor to stop the boat or save the people. You add in rhymes with green, deep and sleep. Well written scene of the storm. Have a blessed New Year! flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016

Thank you so much for your review and comments. I am always pleased when someone enjoys what I have written.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

This is exemplary use of colour for this prompt, IMO - I might suggest only one tiny edit - "wave(')s" - needs the apostrophe for possession. The language is rich with imagery, and this should do well in this contest! Best of luck.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

Thanks for the 'catch' on waves. I missed that one. I appreciate the time you have taken to review my work.

reply by Dawn Munro on 15-Jan-2016

My pleasure. :)

Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

Nicely written in rhyme with good flow, I like the presentation of words and artwork. The imagery presented by your wording is wonderful. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

I thank you for your review and encouragement.

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

I can see and feel the waves..as they swell and move beneath the ship...Somehow..I am choosing the five star poems to review by title, only. A very good poem that does the job of incorporating color.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

Thank you for reviewing my poetry. It is encouraging that you are able to feel what I have written. That is the point of it all.

Comment from Jeffers63

Excellent

thanks I love this piece it speaks of colours dark but vivid and lets the reader go on the journey with the harsh storm filled sea. Well written.

Best Regards
Jeffers63

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

Thank you for reviewing my poetry. It is encouraging that you are able to feel what I have written. That is the point of it all.

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

I love ship stories and so terribly awful when they end in disaster at sea. There is no escape from that.

Mostly written in excellent meter, your rhymes and slant rhymes work well.

One nit:

With each waves cold and torid (torrid) swell

Best wishes to you in the contest.

Gloria

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

Thanks so much for your review and encouragement. I corrected the misspell. Somehow the spell check let that one slip by. I appreciate your good eye.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed your poem. It tells a good, but tragic, story. Your color choices are perfect. The artwork is awesome.

Suggestions: or [file 13=trash]
Beyond the gray and blackened sky
White foamy swirls on waves crest high
You hear the tolling of the bell
With each waves cold and torid swell [wave's] [torrid]

Red buoy tossed with anchor gone
Diverts the ships, teases them on

A ship is tossed all hands on deck [tossed-to close to 1st use]
To fight the waves and whirlpools yet
Churned surface green darkens to deep
Where fishes and the mermaids sleep

The storms claim bounty so you see
The mates on deck were lost at sea

Good job on 8 syls. per line [except teases not sure].

Good job and best wishes in the contest.


*** a ship is lost [with] all hands on deck

teases--does the [es] make a syllable tea/eses

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

Thanks for the good suggestion and I have fixed the misspell and the double word already. I have gone over the teases line and do come up with 8 syllables so I think I am safe there. I do not understand your line... Suggestions: or [file 13=trash]. It probably has a simple answer but I don't understand it. I do appreciate your review and the time you took to point out corrections. That is why we review for others.

reply by Jannypan (Jan) on 15-Jan-2016

file 13 means to throw away--for you to throw away MY suggestions

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2016

I always take into consideration suggestions, and yours were great.Thank you.