Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 66 "Recharging My Inner Batteries"My book of poems and stories
10 total reviews
Comment from Kareau
I can relate to the peacefulness of your piece. In the summer I have risen early to get in a run before the heat of the day kicks in, returning to the house with the smell of coffee brewing. Now if I could keep the dogs quiet I would get up early and get in twenty minutes of yoga but since I'm the first to rise I have to take care of them.
I think your piece sets the scene for a good visual especially with all the details of the night before and the lights of the Aurora Borealis. The one word I thought might be wrong is cup full, I wonder if it should be cupful? I researched that on-line a bit, I found this example "He dips into the smoking pot of stew and raises a cupful, dripping and delicious" but I'm still learning this craft so I could be wrong.
Again, nice story, you wrote with all the five senses in mind. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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I can relate to the peacefulness of your piece. In the summer I have risen early to get in a run before the heat of the day kicks in, returning to the house with the smell of coffee brewing. Now if I could keep the dogs quiet I would get up early and get in twenty minutes of yoga but since I'm the first to rise I have to take care of them.
I think your piece sets the scene for a good visual especially with all the details of the night before and the lights of the Aurora Borealis. The one word I thought might be wrong is cup full, I wonder if it should be cupful? I researched that on-line a bit, I found this example "He dips into the smoking pot of stew and raises a cupful, dripping and delicious" but I'm still learning this craft so I could be wrong.
Again, nice story, you wrote with all the five senses in mind. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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I actually looked it up on Google and found that a cupful is the measure amount a cup will hold so a cup full of coffee seems proper as it is not an amount of measure like in a recipe. About as close as I can come to explaining my choice. Thanks for picking up on that. Most have not. I appreciate your review and I always have reviewed my prior shift to see if I could improve any at all. Sometimes it helped to.
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Now that you explain it that way it does makes sense, thanks for letting me know. You explained it better than the websites I went to maybe you should look into being a technical writer too!
Comment from Veronicai
I know how hectic it is to have a nurse shift and even more when a person is also a mom. My daughter was student of nursing double majoring in business almost finishing nursing when she decided to finish a business degree first to master in health administration. Her experience in the hospital as a college student wasn't fun at all. It was a lot of work, stress and sorrow. I remembered her coming from her clinical in the hospital so happy with a beautiful smile in her face because she loved nursing and she loved to be there for the patients. The patients loved her. I hope one day she could finish her last 3 materials that she needs to became a registered nurse not because I like her to be working so hard as a nurse, but because I know that in her inner heart that's what she really wants to be. I know she could master in health administration and help the patients from a top position but there is nothing higher than to be close to those in need and to give them the love and the care they desire. To my lovely daughter who gave love and care to those individuals that was needing it.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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I know how hectic it is to have a nurse shift and even more when a person is also a mom. My daughter was student of nursing double majoring in business almost finishing nursing when she decided to finish a business degree first to master in health administration. Her experience in the hospital as a college student wasn't fun at all. It was a lot of work, stress and sorrow. I remembered her coming from her clinical in the hospital so happy with a beautiful smile in her face because she loved nursing and she loved to be there for the patients. The patients loved her. I hope one day she could finish her last 3 materials that she needs to became a registered nurse not because I like her to be working so hard as a nurse, but because I know that in her inner heart that's what she really wants to be. I know she could master in health administration and help the patients from a top position but there is nothing higher than to be close to those in need and to give them the love and the care they desire. To my lovely daughter who gave love and care to those individuals that was needing it.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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My mornings still start my day. Thanks for your review. I did both management and hands on nursing and much preferred the hands on.
Comment from LIJ Red
A year in Alaska, living in a Navy barracks, didn't teach a lot about the place. I agree that the early, rested, part of the day is best. You state your case well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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A year in Alaska, living in a Navy barracks, didn't teach a lot about the place. I agree that the early, rested, part of the day is best. You state your case well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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Thanks for your review and kind words. I spent 13 years in Alaska. If the cost of living wasn't so high I would go back as I loved it there. Oh well.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
First I would to commend you and thank you for choosing this profession. I have a huge respect for nurses that must contend with array of ill or injured people. In my last 7 years, I have been very close to dying. It was the nurses that circled the wagons to help pull me through.
What a truly wonderful way each day to let go of yesterday and recharge those inner batteries. What a great contest entry this is and I wish you great luck.
Bless you for the woman, mother and a caring nurse that you are,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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First I would to commend you and thank you for choosing this profession. I have a huge respect for nurses that must contend with array of ill or injured people. In my last 7 years, I have been very close to dying. It was the nurses that circled the wagons to help pull me through.
What a truly wonderful way each day to let go of yesterday and recharge those inner batteries. What a great contest entry this is and I wish you great luck.
Bless you for the woman, mother and a caring nurse that you are,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you for reviewing and yes I used my wonderful mornings to get ready for the day for many years. I still get up at the same time and go out to look at the stars and get charged but now it is to write. My nursing years were the best years of my life.
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. I think the morning when it is quiet and still is many people's favorite time. It is really nice when it is the calm following a hectic storm of a day.
notes:
Suggest adding spaces between your paragraphs. In a contest entry every little thing helps.
I am a Registered Nurse and work [the] day shift in the Emergency Room at the...
- Perhaps a missing word here of: the
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Very nice. I think the morning when it is quiet and still is many people's favorite time. It is really nice when it is the calm following a hectic storm of a day.
notes:
Suggest adding spaces between your paragraphs. In a contest entry every little thing helps.
I am a Registered Nurse and work [the] day shift in the Emergency Room at the...
- Perhaps a missing word here of: the
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you for the tips and I did make the changes. Nurse talk leaves out the simple words but that shouldn't be included in a story. A phrase like that would have been ok between two nurses. Thanks for a complete review. I appreciate your input.
Comment from JTStone
I love the early morning too. Best time of the day to write or read. Like you, I am up always before the alarm, and like you always have it as a back up.
One thing about writing is you have to do your research, It has to be believable. Your state of emergency that drives the early segments is a plane crash. Lear Jets are small entry level jets and only hold a max of 8 passengers...even if the plane was full you had enough beds...
To get that many passengers on a plane you would have needed to go to a higher end maker. Or an airliner, that would be more splashy and explain the high number of casualties.
An airliner crash would have also been a traumatic and newsworthy event that would have made you stay awake all night.
JT
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I love the early morning too. Best time of the day to write or read. Like you, I am up always before the alarm, and like you always have it as a back up.
One thing about writing is you have to do your research, It has to be believable. Your state of emergency that drives the early segments is a plane crash. Lear Jets are small entry level jets and only hold a max of 8 passengers...even if the plane was full you had enough beds...
To get that many passengers on a plane you would have needed to go to a higher end maker. Or an airliner, that would be more splashy and explain the high number of casualties.
An airliner crash would have also been a traumatic and newsworthy event that would have made you stay awake all night.
JT
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you for the review. The memory lacks the absolute details until prompted like you have done. The event is a real event but happened about 30 years ago. I have no one to ask about what happened at that time but do now remember more about the number of pasengers. It definitly was a Lear jet that crashed. Thank you for your input. The ER was small and it was before we moved into the new hospital. Lots of stories during that era that I hope you will be able to review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
After years of working and have to wake up a certain time to go to work. I am still in the habit getting up early, instead of rushing to work, now that I am a pensioner I can enjoy the early hours of the morning
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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After years of working and have to wake up a certain time to go to work. I am still in the habit getting up early, instead of rushing to work, now that I am a pensioner I can enjoy the early hours of the morning
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thanks for your review. Isn't it wonderful to be refreshed in the early morning hours before facing the day. That is now my time to write.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"I am a Registered Nurse and work day shift in the emergency room" should be "I am a Registered Nurse, and work day shift in the Emergency Room,".
"yesterdays" should be "yesterday's". Not talking about multiple yesterdays here, but that the action belonged to yesterday.
"xrays" should be "x-rays".
"full bodied" should be "full-bodied".
Being a nurse is a time honored profession indeed.
Seems you have found your favorite time of day.
However, especially since this is a contest entry, you may choose to revisit these suggested edits in order to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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"I am a Registered Nurse and work day shift in the emergency room" should be "I am a Registered Nurse, and work day shift in the Emergency Room,".
"yesterdays" should be "yesterday's". Not talking about multiple yesterdays here, but that the action belonged to yesterday.
"xrays" should be "x-rays".
"full bodied" should be "full-bodied".
Being a nurse is a time honored profession indeed.
Seems you have found your favorite time of day.
However, especially since this is a contest entry, you may choose to revisit these suggested edits in order to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you so very much for your comments and I will definately make the changes you have suggested. I wondered also if thoughts should be in quotes but decided not to do that. It has been a long time since I have delt with punctuation.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You might want to consider incorporating some line breaks into the piece to ease the read. Many reviewers are put off by large blocks of unbroken text.
This was generally a good piece and well written.
yesterdays shift - yesterday's.
It was a below zero winter and cold - I think the 'cold' is superfluous here given the description beforehand.
Good luck for the competition.
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Hi there,
You might want to consider incorporating some line breaks into the piece to ease the read. Many reviewers are put off by large blocks of unbroken text.
This was generally a good piece and well written.
yesterdays shift - yesterday's.
It was a below zero winter and cold - I think the 'cold' is superfluous here given the description beforehand.
Good luck for the competition.
GMG
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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I thank you so very much for your review and I will definitely make the suggested changes, I appreciate your kind corrections and comments. Thank you again.
Comment from William Ross
Very good and very well written A good story, mornings is my favorite time of the day also. Good luck in the contest with this wonderful story.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Very good and very well written A good story, mornings is my favorite time of the day also. Good luck in the contest with this wonderful story.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016
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Thank you for your review. I am always uneasy with stories as I haven't been as free with submitting them as I have with poems. It is wonderful to finally let loose.
