2nd Time Around
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Part I, Chapter 11"A fight for life and truth.
7 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
T,
Very interesting additions to the story. It's hard to believe that you have to FIGHT to get these kinds of helpful things in place. Wow. AND for a woman who isn't even able to see or move freely. Just goes to show the measures the prison system must take to ensure the safety of everyone included in the process.
This is well-written and well-reasearched. It's quite clear that you are either a lawyer yourself or you have spent a great deal of time working through all these necessary details to make this story come to life. Kudos! REALLY well done.
Here's my disclaimer again - I have not corrected the punctuation in your dialogue.
Other notes:
1.) Make sure that all appropriate sentences start with a capital letter. Whether they are in dialogue or not.
2.) next Tuesday, January 30th, at 9:00 a.m.," Judge Peters said.
--> curious what the date of the order was - today's date - the court proceeding date
3.) The room was a conference room with a long table occupying most of the space.
--> 'room' x2
4.) Several high-backed (s)wivel chairs surrounded this table,
5.) Andrew considered pointing out the poor job he was doing (s)o far but held his tongue.
6.) they purposely aimed too high with (s)ome of their demands in order to make what they really wanted
Thanks so much!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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T,
Very interesting additions to the story. It's hard to believe that you have to FIGHT to get these kinds of helpful things in place. Wow. AND for a woman who isn't even able to see or move freely. Just goes to show the measures the prison system must take to ensure the safety of everyone included in the process.
This is well-written and well-reasearched. It's quite clear that you are either a lawyer yourself or you have spent a great deal of time working through all these necessary details to make this story come to life. Kudos! REALLY well done.
Here's my disclaimer again - I have not corrected the punctuation in your dialogue.
Other notes:
1.) Make sure that all appropriate sentences start with a capital letter. Whether they are in dialogue or not.
2.) next Tuesday, January 30th, at 9:00 a.m.," Judge Peters said.
--> curious what the date of the order was - today's date - the court proceeding date
3.) The room was a conference room with a long table occupying most of the space.
--> 'room' x2
4.) Several high-backed (s)wivel chairs surrounded this table,
5.) Andrew considered pointing out the poor job he was doing (s)o far but held his tongue.
6.) they purposely aimed too high with (s)ome of their demands in order to make what they really wanted
Thanks so much!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your continuing support.
Comment from roof35
This is so sad and brutal I had trouble reading it all the way through. However, it is well written without errors and gives the reader some insight into the prison system.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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This is so sad and brutal I had trouble reading it all the way through. However, it is well written without errors and gives the reader some insight into the prison system.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you for reading.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Little by little Sara is getting her dignity back, hopefully this good team of lawyers and activists will get her out of the Death Raw. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Little by little Sara is getting her dignity back, hopefully this good team of lawyers and activists will get her out of the Death Raw. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Fingers crossed. Thanks for reading.
Comment from royowen
I found this both fascinating and absorbing., I don't think. Or at least didn't think I would be interested in this, not because it isn't good, I have trouble focusing on anything to do with this sort of genre. It is well constructed, the characters and plot is very interesting. And you must some sort of experience in law to write it in the first place. It must be all about finding anomalous loopholes. Anyway, brilliantly written, well thought out and scribed, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2016
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I found this both fascinating and absorbing., I don't think. Or at least didn't think I would be interested in this, not because it isn't good, I have trouble focusing on anything to do with this sort of genre. It is well constructed, the characters and plot is very interesting. And you must some sort of experience in law to write it in the first place. It must be all about finding anomalous loopholes. Anyway, brilliantly written, well thought out and scribed, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 08-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2016
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Thank you, especially for going out of your relm to check this out.
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Most welcome
Comment from damommy
I'm loving this book. I had to go back to catch up. I'm sorry I'm not reviewing each chapter, but I'd just be repeating myself. I did see one think I wondered about. Did you mean to say it "hinged" on her good behavior? On to the next chapter. (I need to get some work done instead of reading.) 8-)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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I'm loving this book. I had to go back to catch up. I'm sorry I'm not reviewing each chapter, but I'd just be repeating myself. I did see one think I wondered about. Did you mean to say it "hinged" on her good behavior? On to the next chapter. (I need to get some work done instead of reading.) 8-)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Yes, I did. Thank you for catching that.
Comment from Joyce Long
I like how you plan to balance each side equally in your book. Even so, I feel Sarah has undergone enough that she shouldn't be put to death now. Your story develops well and I like how you use the date to inform your readers when something is happening.
Very well done. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Joyce 01-02-16
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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I like how you plan to balance each side equally in your book. Even so, I feel Sarah has undergone enough that she shouldn't be put to death now. Your story develops well and I like how you use the date to inform your readers when something is happening.
Very well done. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Joyce 01-02-16
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Thank you.
Comment from LiveLoveDie
Well, I haven't read the other chapters (this one just kind of fell in my lap), but I will say to start that I felt like everything flowed. I thought the dialog was nice and not overwhelming or hard to keep track of. I can assume it must be hard for a character to be in prison while paralyzed and blind, but luckily she has friends who take care of her :)!
I will go back and read the previous chapters to catch up to the story and look forward to reading more from you. Take care.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Well, I haven't read the other chapters (this one just kind of fell in my lap), but I will say to start that I felt like everything flowed. I thought the dialog was nice and not overwhelming or hard to keep track of. I can assume it must be hard for a character to be in prison while paralyzed and blind, but luckily she has friends who take care of her :)!
I will go back and read the previous chapters to catch up to the story and look forward to reading more from you. Take care.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thanks. I suppose I'm glad this fell into your lap. Hope you enjoy the rest.
