Pendulum
A little madness12 total reviews
Comment from LiveLoveDie
Well, this kid sure is crazy. Wish I could have more backstory, but I know this was a contest and you only had a limited number of words. Good job with it and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Well, this kid sure is crazy. Wish I could have more backstory, but I know this was a contest and you only had a limited number of words. Good job with it and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you LiveLoveDie for another awesome review.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Bill Schott
This is an interesting approach to the story. All of the requirements are there, including the crude language we often associate with the mentally ill. Nice job.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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This is an interesting approach to the story. All of the requirements are there, including the crude language we often associate with the mentally ill. Nice job.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you for the awesome Review Bill! Happy New Year my friend!
Comment from wordspinner314
Sooooooo GOOD!!! What you created in just 100 words makes me want to shout, "Yes!" This is the kind of substantive writing that gets my blood pumping. You shoot out of the gate at full speed and don't slow down for even a second. The dialogue is sharp and packs a punch, matching the storyline perfectly. Even in so few words, you captured the struggle, angst, and battle of your character. Exceptional job, worthy of 6 stars! Best of luck in the contest--you have my vote!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Sooooooo GOOD!!! What you created in just 100 words makes me want to shout, "Yes!" This is the kind of substantive writing that gets my blood pumping. You shoot out of the gate at full speed and don't slow down for even a second. The dialogue is sharp and packs a punch, matching the storyline perfectly. Even in so few words, you captured the struggle, angst, and battle of your character. Exceptional job, worthy of 6 stars! Best of luck in the contest--you have my vote!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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I love this exceptional review wordspinner! Thank you for taking the time to read and review this chaotic short piece. I had so much fun with this one. I might be a little twisted lol! The six stars is such a wonderful sight as this piece has had a couple of not so happy reviews lol! Not for everybody I suppose. But then what it? May this be the best New Years for you and yours.
God bless!
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I understand; when I write
pieces like this, I get mixed
reviews, as well. The fact is,
however, that reality is both
pretty AND ugly, and both
sides need to be told. There
is beauty in ugliness, too.
It was well written and
deserved to be noticed as
such. Happy New Year to
you, as well!
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I agree, there is ugliness in beauty.
Comment from kathleenspalding
I hovered between four and five stars for this. Went with five as it is well written and well paced. But it kind of lacks a story curve and resolution (150 words is tough!). So it's more like part of a story.
Picky bits:
Should probably delete the comma after mother's.
...the voice commands (instead of commanding)...
That's it. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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I hovered between four and five stars for this. Went with five as it is well written and well paced. But it kind of lacks a story curve and resolution (150 words is tough!). So it's more like part of a story.
Picky bits:
Should probably delete the comma after mother's.
...the voice commands (instead of commanding)...
That's it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you for the awesome Review Kathleen, I agree with the change, it's awesome! Happy New Year my friend!
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You're welcome. Happy New Year!
Comment from F. Wehr3
I really enjoyed your story. Nice job! Please consider the following.
'The voice commanding an answer.' I would switch this to The voice says, commanding... or The voice commands an answer.
Best of luck.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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I really enjoyed your story. Nice job! Please consider the following.
'The voice commanding an answer.' I would switch this to The voice says, commanding... or The voice commands an answer.
Best of luck.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you for the awesome Review FW, change has been made! Happy New Year my friend!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of reading your fun and entertaining story. These prompts requiring the use of certain words can be difficult to get any flow going. But you did a GREAT job, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Yes, a couple of weird birds we are . . . . LOL. And I can assure you that's a huge compliment coming from me.
Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thanks for the pleasure of reading your fun and entertaining story. These prompts requiring the use of certain words can be difficult to get any flow going. But you did a GREAT job, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Yes, a couple of weird birds we are . . . . LOL. And I can assure you that's a huge compliment coming from me.
Happy New Year!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Compliment taken with gratitude Ric! I think I freak out the people at work lol! When I am in thought I sometimes catch them looking at me with concern.
God bless my friend.
Comment from justafan
WOW...I really like this!!!
I was a silent observer of this insanity...:) Just Brilliant! And to think I almost missed it!
Missy
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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WOW...I really like this!!!
I was a silent observer of this insanity...:) Just Brilliant! And to think I almost missed it!
Missy
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you Missy for this exceptional, inspirational review my friend. I am always honored by your presence.
God bless and the Happiest of New Year's to you young lady!
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Thank you...I just had my 63rd Birthday...so not all that young anymore...But, hey, I'll take it!! <3
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Well considering eternity, I would imagine you are still quite the youngster my friend. I am 51 on the outside and 18 on the inside lol!
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:)
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Well considering eternity, I would imagine you are still quite the youngster my friend. I am 51 on the outside and 18 on the inside lol!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Steve. This is a hoot! LOL Are we losing our minds? I had to laugh when I saw the Felix. In one of my favorite author's books he has a Felix in his office that he remarks on all the time...Robert Crais is his name.
Suggestion: ." The voice comanding an answer. (commanding)
Happy New Year! Bob
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Hi, Steve. This is a hoot! LOL Are we losing our minds? I had to laugh when I saw the Felix. In one of my favorite author's books he has a Felix in his office that he remarks on all the time...Robert Crais is his name.
Suggestion: ." The voice comanding an answer. (commanding)
Happy New Year! Bob
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you Bob for this most excellent review my friend and catching the missing M! I had fun with this one!
God bless!
Comment from chcbeck
A really funny short story, extremely imaginative to include the words which you did in a completely unexpected way. Loved it and good luck.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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A really funny short story, extremely imaginative to include the words which you did in a completely unexpected way. Loved it and good luck.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you chcbeck for the awesome review and luck my friend!
God bless!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"Says" should be "says".
"Felix the cat" should be "Felix the Cat".
Obvious falling into insanity comes clearly through is this story.
Seems to be a lot of profanity used throughout for such a short piece.
May wish to reconsider these edits, especially since this is a contest entry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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"Says" should be "says".
"Felix the cat" should be "Felix the Cat".
Obvious falling into insanity comes clearly through is this story.
Seems to be a lot of profanity used throughout for such a short piece.
May wish to reconsider these edits, especially since this is a contest entry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Good Morning Brett, thank you for the awesome and helpful review my friend. I edited the issues at hand except "Says" If you don't mind me asking purely for the purpose of learning, why do I need to lower the "s" and not all the other beginning words following the quotations.
God bless my friend and I appreciate any help you can give.