Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Interesting little story. People change. Maybe the dark side of Jeff wasn't evident in childhood, but it sure is in adulthood. Friends like that, Walker doesn't need. Nice touch with Jeff blaming his mom for not raising him right. LOL

 Comment Written 15-May-2017

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reply by the author on 15-May-2017

Thanks, Phyllis. And yet, it's not a popular read.

Comment from Cmelton

Excellent

You have a great story here. I absolutely love the ending as well. Very well written and you have a great talent. It was a pleasure to read your writing. Job very well done.

 Comment Written 15-May-2017

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reply by the author on 15-May-2017

Thanks, Cmelton

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

Living with one's mother as an adult will always be difficult. I liked how you showed their emotions toward each other as they went about their mundane morning duties. Looks like Jeffery never outgrew is bad habits, once a bully always a bully... and as sure as night will turn to day, a bad-ass will normally cross the line sooner or later and commit brutal crimes for which they will pay. I didn't see any nits, all looked good. Nice!

 Comment Written 15-May-2017

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reply by the author on 15-May-2017

Thanks, Hitcher.

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

Very interesting writing and your writing made me feel as if I were part of the story. Very convincing and a very powerful plot. I enjoy writing and reading short stories.

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Thanks.

Comment from Annie_ Stone

Excellent

That was quite the tail. I enjoyed this story and I'm sure I'll look for more. So Jeff bit his mom's nose, that was an interesting twist, but seeing as how she kept the stuff, and her not be punished, I guess he the punishing lol.
Thank you Annie

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

I write. You draw your own ideas. I just hope my stories are enjoyed like the ones that affected my interest to write. Thanks for the rating.

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

This is a very good story. For the other side of the coin read Tier V King's excellent story about her son 'Jaime'. At twelve-years-old, he is President of the National Honor Society. A very uplifting story.

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Thanks, Thomas. I will read Jaime's story. Thanks for the rating, also.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi there, an interesting story indeed. His mother sure sounds a bit patronising. And his friend doesn't sound like a nice sort of person.
A few things I picked up on.
she always opens the door to his bedroom to hear him getting ready from the kitchen. Remove 'from the kitchen' and the sentence reads okay.
what boy? I never bring friends. . here? Do you mean to write: I never bring friends ... here? I think it should be: I never bring friends here. The italics are fine as he's thinking it.
While gasping toothbrush = while he grasped the toothbrush
You know that boy, as she reaches = you know that boy, she said as she reaches
Well, this is some of it. The story is a good one, but it needs some work. I'm sorry about the four star, but let me know when you've corrected and I will restore a star. All the best. Ulla:))

That reads so much better now. Well done. Here's the star and well deserved. :))

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Ok, Ulla. You have to know that I am writing present tense. I can't say, said. I will be changing tense. Also, while he grasped is not right either. Maybe I need to change something or think of something else. I would appreciate the other star. Can you do that? I think I'll work on those changes now and check with you afterward. I can never forget you.

reply by Ulla on 14-May-2017

You're right, it has to be 'she says'as you write in present tense. Sorry about that. I will check up with you a little later. Of course I will.

reply by the author on 14-May-2017

I am done, Ulla. Check it out.

reply by Ulla on 14-May-2017

Which I have, and very well done. Your star is restored. :))

reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Thanks, Ulla.

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Your writing continues to grow stronger. You still struggle with possessive language and turns of phrases. I made some notes:

'...gaining experience as an accounting (accountant) in New Jersey...'

'Walker is expecting a check in today.' (Walker is expecting a check today. OR Walker is expecting a check to come in today.)

This story continues to move along,
~patty~

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Thanks, Patty. I think I got hypnotized during the proofreading. I read it and it doesn't make sense. Then I read again, it makes sense. I really thought I was clean. Thanks for the corrections. I value your friendship, Patty. You helped me with your honesty.

reply by Mustang Patty on 14-May-2017

You are more than welcome - I will try to do more editing on your next few pieces - I'm a bit behind as I just got back from vacation. ~p~

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Interesting storyline with enough ongoing action to keep the tale engaging.

Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.

 Comment Written 14-May-2017

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reply by the author on 14-May-2017

Thanks, Brett. To keep the story short, I cut hugely.

Comment from Nikki-Nicole

Excellent

You've written a good story.
The format looks good.
Nicely polished.
The dialogue is great.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-

 Comment Written 13-May-2017

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reply by the author on 13-May-2017

Thanks for reading, Nicole.