Comment from Lisa Heath

Excellent

The reviewer of this article likes your story. She has also found out that some court cases are now appearing on tv and have been for several years. Big political
cases like the Bill Clinton case and others with men discriminating against poor or not rich women and mothers. It's awful, don't you agree? Good work! Lisa Heath, author and mother

 Comment Written 16-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018

Thanks for reading, Lias, but I try to say away from anything I don't understand. Sorry.

Phillip

Comment from Tpa

Excellent

I like your story. I thought it could use some editing. For example, you have mother never forgets, can't you just start with that second sentence. Then, he was sentenced to sixty-five years still I thought you did a good job.

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018

Thanks for reading, Tpa. I'm sure the story needs more work than you think, but I appreciate your expert's opinion .

Phillip

Comment from WryWriter

Excellent

This story has a great moral thrown in. You get to deal with what you raise. You did a good job giving the reader a mind picture of the court proceedings. I've given some suggestions below for you to consider:

She can tell Walker the very day (something occurred) and what went with those quirky feeling she has about some people.

(Maybe more clarity? I didn't get this sentence) When Walker sees her scanning Jeff, Walker pressing to leave her presence never letting him return.

Yeah. I hope the judge burn(s) the son of a bitch."

I enjoyed reading this very much!

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018

Thanks for the correction and suggestion, Wry. I'll see what I can do.

Phillip

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This story really grips at me. I can see all kinds of real feelings bouncing around here. I think this draft needs a revision, to tighten up the tense shift. Whether this story leans into a vernacular, or not, makes a difference in how your narrative will be received.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

I agree with you, Bill. I tried to do too much. My writing skill has not reached the level to make a story clear and simple to the reader. Thanks for reading though.

Phillip

Comment from LynSys

Good

I'm guessing Walker thinks he's responsible for Jeff as the 10 year old boy, and now carries that guilt forward as an adult when he asks himself "Where did I go wrong?"
Good story.
Lynda

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

Walker thought he and his situation could make the difference to Jeff's life after seeing him in court. It showed it a negative reaction instead of positive or positive one. It up to the reader to decide. Thanks for reading, LynSys.

Phillip

Comment from Wabigoon

Excellent

PBmor--

I do not know what to make of this. Mostly I find it not very comprehensible -- I wish I did. Here are some things I noted on the way through a court room scene I don't understand.

if the conditions for good representation (is) favorable. If the conditions are favorable...

Walker watches Jeff() brows meet, Jeff's

After the judge() sentencing is over,

looks can kill, this fierce-looking fellow() expressions can. fellow's

She raises you safe from harm. This just sounded not right for a court room scene.

I have no idea how to grade this. Part of me feels it is your response to the judicial system but the story is not what you need to make that response?

Best
Wabigoon/Jeff

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

I am thrilled to have your valuable review. I have much to learn and you supported me on my journey. Thanks for corrections also. It means a lot.

Phillip

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

A wonderful contrast between two kinds of mothers and parenting. Walker's allegiance to the boy who defended him in school is admirable. A tough lesson for him to learn: the environment is stronger than friendship when it comes to shaping a person. A good write, Phillip.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

You are absolutely correct when it comes to friends influence, Shari. Whether they or young or old, there are causes and effects in relationships. We l try to hold on or give back if we can. Thanks for reading, Shari.

Phillip

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

There was a place it read Walker mother where Mother Walker or Walker's mother was expected, and the taking of the old man's honor is a bit archaic and unclear.
Did he make the oldster holler "calf-rope" or make him squeal like a pig...I try to say more than just fivers, gimme the member money...take my notions with a grain of salt...

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

Hahahaha! I think I'll leave that one to your imagination. I'm sure it will "Deliverance". Thanks for reading, LIJ Red.

Phillip

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

Yeah, Jeff's bad news apparently. I like the manner in which your story is told that presents a loving mother (although her mannerisms annoy her son - lol!) and stable mom/son relationship contrasted against the errant behavior that results from a relationship where the child was given no restraints .... it is a statement for the parents of today to read and heed. :) thanx for sharing! :) :)

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

I agree. There is a lot of poor parenting going on. Thanks for reading, Y. M. Roger.


Phillip

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Phillip. This is a brilliant piece of writing, my friend. Great images throughout.

Your opening "hook" is killer. "Walker's friend Jeffery has a habit of stomping him and the passing of time did not change that."
Your narrative in building the tory is super, my friend. I think yo had a good starting point to tell it from.



Suggestions: "Walker mother never forgets" (Walker's mother never forgets"

Also: "long with those quirky feeling she has about some people."
(with those quirky feelings she has...")

Bless you and Happy Holidays to you and yours, Phil. Your friend, Bob

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018

---

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2018

Bob, I am really honored you took time out to show me my errors. You touched my heart.

Phillip