Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

I'm enjoying your story. Keeps consistent and flow is great. I particularly enjoy the dialogue when there are only two people because it's easier to follow (if there is no indication by you as to who is speaking). You bring in some normal life habits which keep the story grounded, i.e., "I ignored her and finished my omelet." "I had some coffee." Good job. Marilyn

 Comment Written 20-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2015

Marilyn
You've said a lot of nice things about this chapter. Thank you.
Bringing in normal life habits helps with the pacing. Glad you think that's working.
Thanks for reviewing and thanks for the stars.
Marv

reply by BeasPeas on 20-Dec-2015

Merry Christmas, Bill.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Marvin, if I didn't know you so well, I wouldn't be reviewing this since it isn't properly spaced. I made that a requirement for a newbie on FS. I'd give them a four and have them let me know when they spaced it correctly, then, if it is five-worthy, I'd up grade it.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I am curious why you didn't double space for paragraphs. I'm sure it cuts your readership.

The dialogue was up to your usual standards. Perky, smart, minimalist. In that regard, I still wish you'd consider more narrative to give the reader a sense of place.

Still, it's worthy of a five.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2015

Jay
Here's the apology I would have written and sent to you on Thursday had my wife not been waiting for me to hang balls on the tree and that's where mine should be after what I did to you and other readers.

Here's what I did sent you on Thursday:
(Jay, I had a senior moment and forgot to send this chapter in the recommended format. Sorry. When I realized my error I immediately reformatted it. Thank you very much for your tolerance. More tomorrow.)

I appreciate your reading this chapter despite the flawed format. Thanks for the review. Thanks for the kind words and the many stars.

I'm wondering why FS accepted it. I would think they would reject it and tell me to correct it before they can accept it.

Thanks for the compliments of my dialogue.

I made a note to myself to add more narrative. Once again, you've proven to be this writer's friend and teacher.

Marv

reply by Jay Squires on 18-Dec-2015

Thank you, Marv, for the high compliments. I don't think FS cares about correct formatting. Rather, they probably don't have the way of rejecting it. I point it out because the writer is the one who stands to lose readership.

Comment from PoemsOfDD

Excellent

Marvin C, this is an interesting read. It held my attention from start to finish. I found it descriptive and the dialogue between Doloores and guy very entertaining. Dolores is a sarcastic chick that I can relate to. Well done on this enjoyable read.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015

PoemsOfDD
I'm glad this chapter can do okay on its own. I really appreciate your kind words about it. Thanks for the rating and the stars that go with it.
Marv

Comment from Stephanie Kastner

Excellent

I thought their conversation flowed well, but it would be easier to follow the dialogue for the reader if you skip a line between the changes. Other than that, I thought it was good.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015

I had a senior moment and forgot to send this chapter in the recommended format. Sorry.
Thanks for the review. Thanks for the kind words and the many stars.
Marv

Comment from Christof McTarnahan

Excellent

Good stuff.Realistic dialogue and colorful character as well. It flowed nice, and really pulled me in.No concerns, very well done.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015

Thanks for reviewing this chapter. [28] Your words were music to my ears.
That's a lot of stars. Thanks.
P. S. I had a senior moment and forgot to send this chapter in the recommended format. Sorry.