The Gobbledegooks
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Cake of the Year"Children's Fantasy Poems
62 total reviews
Comment from Susanjohn
What an unbelievably yummy story poem this is!!! Love the outstanding imagery! Great flow...oh and the words!!! I have no words to describe how truly enjoyable this poem is!!! WOW...
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
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What an unbelievably yummy story poem this is!!! Love the outstanding imagery! Great flow...oh and the words!!! I have no words to describe how truly enjoyable this poem is!!! WOW...
Comment Written 17-May-2016
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
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Thanks, Susan.
This is actually the fifth Gobbledegooks poem, and your review reminded me that I had forgotten to add this to the 'book' with the others. They are all equally gorgeous, and mostly feature the cute little thing between Rupert and Hilda. I'm thinking it must be time for another in the series - I'm considering sending Rupert off to fight a dragon...
If you want to check out the others - just for fun - don't feel the need to review - go to my portfolio and click on the search icon. Books are listed at the top and 'The Gobbledegooks' is the second one on the list.
Steve
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Fight that dragon!!! For sure I will check out your other poems.
Comment from writeapoem
This is such a tremendous write. No wonder you won. I thoroughly enjoyed the flow of the rhyme. Remarkable wit how came up with all the various names. All the best and God Bless.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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This is such a tremendous write. No wonder you won. I thoroughly enjoyed the flow of the rhyme. Remarkable wit how came up with all the various names. All the best and God Bless.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Thank you.
I have had a lot of fun with my Gobbledegooks - this is the fifth one and I need to keep going until I get Hilda and Rupert married off!
Steve
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Welcome
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Welcome
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
CONGRATULATIONS on your win. I enjoyed reading your story in a poem. Your lines flow smoothly with great rhyme. The whimsical characters added to the enjoyment of the read. It is obvious that you worked hard with this poem. Your artwork is awesome, too. Thanks for sharing and giving the readers a good laugh that we all need everyday!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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CONGRATULATIONS on your win. I enjoyed reading your story in a poem. Your lines flow smoothly with great rhyme. The whimsical characters added to the enjoyment of the read. It is obvious that you worked hard with this poem. Your artwork is awesome, too. Thanks for sharing and giving the readers a good laugh that we all need everyday!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Yay! I've got to the last review at the bottom of the pile - sorry this is so late!
Thanks for the great review, the congratulations and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 25-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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Thanks!
Steve
Comment from mfowler
It's like a poetic Matt Preston has taken Masterchef to The Kingdom of Gobbledegooks. The action is frantic as the characters fight it our for cake of the year. You set up the unexpected scullery maid up against the more seasoned chefs. The tie at the end is celebrated with a kiss between the prince and the Cinderella-like equal winner of the prize. A great kid's tale her with all the elements of fantasy and human interaction baked together with some cracking lines of smooth flowing poetic magic. Isn't it marvellous to let yourself go and use rhymes that allow you to be funny and not have to stretch your vocab too far? I reckon of been to this land before. Best of luck in the comp with this funny, fast flowing and perfect child's verse.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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It's like a poetic Matt Preston has taken Masterchef to The Kingdom of Gobbledegooks. The action is frantic as the characters fight it our for cake of the year. You set up the unexpected scullery maid up against the more seasoned chefs. The tie at the end is celebrated with a kiss between the prince and the Cinderella-like equal winner of the prize. A great kid's tale her with all the elements of fantasy and human interaction baked together with some cracking lines of smooth flowing poetic magic. Isn't it marvellous to let yourself go and use rhymes that allow you to be funny and not have to stretch your vocab too far? I reckon of been to this land before. Best of luck in the comp with this funny, fast flowing and perfect child's verse.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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We love Australian MasterChef. We have our own version as well, but for once I concede the Aussies do it better. Watch out in the cricket though.
Yes, it seems a little of the MasterChef love and kindness may have oozed its way into this one.
This is the fifth chapter in the Gobbledegooks saga - reckon I'll need to keep it going until I get Hilda and Rupert married off. Just need to find a fandangulous illustrator and a Gobbledegooky publisher now!
Steve
Comment from Ric Myworld
Covered in icing, looks like I've been slathered, but tastes so good that it hardly matters. If I can't eat it I'll wear it, and drink some beer with the batter. Fun, silly, and magnificently entertaining, too. Best of Luck to YOU. :-)
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Covered in icing, looks like I've been slathered, but tastes so good that it hardly matters. If I can't eat it I'll wear it, and drink some beer with the batter. Fun, silly, and magnificently entertaining, too. Best of Luck to YOU. :-)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Ric, thanks for the great review - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
You, sir, are on one heck of a roll right now. That would be a chocolate Swiss roll in this case. LOL! Brilliant, Steve. The names of these characters alone deserve a bloody award! And I love The Cafe High Tease.
Excellent - a real pleasure to read that had me smiling the whole way through. Very creative and very clever.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Av
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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You, sir, are on one heck of a roll right now. That would be a chocolate Swiss roll in this case. LOL! Brilliant, Steve. The names of these characters alone deserve a bloody award! And I love The Cafe High Tease.
Excellent - a real pleasure to read that had me smiling the whole way through. Very creative and very clever.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Av
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Av, thanks for the smile and the enthusiastic review (plus the six stars)
You may be the only reviewer to mention High Tease - it tickled my fancy!
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Marvelous! Bound to win or place in the contest, I imagine. It's such charming storytelling, with a lovely underlying theme of cooperation instead of competition.
Great phonetics and fantastic rhyming. Great flow with mixed meter. A few spots could be tweaked, but overall, it's fluid and groovy, musically.
Specific notes:
I always enjoy your stories in a poem and also your
'silly nonsense style rhymes' with whimsical wit. Especially liked the name Kar-boo!
And also the word 'patrician' rhymed with magician--and Whisket and biscuit and Shenanigan and Marzipanigam (an Irish Italian Mouse!) Gateua and snow--whaddya know!
Delightful to read aloud, especially with all the clever 'alliterative appellations'!!!
This is so much fun to read aloud, I'm showing it to my mom, who would be the best person to perform it (did you hear her performance of my story poem? She's an Ex-Broadway star, still shining at 81~!
Love the opening stanz'as alliteration of F, B and S:
The Kingdom of Gobbledegooks is a-flutter
With the flurry of flour, and the beating of butter;
With sugar and egg-yolks, with batter and icing,
With sifting and sprinkling and stirring and spicing.
And the medley of CH and C sounds here:
They come bearing chocolate and cheeses and chilli,
Ingredients simple and special and silly.
In the great castle kitchen erupts a loud cheer -
They've announced the contestants for Cake of the Year.
Very cute and clever:
Sits Crackpepper Crispin, the pastry patrician,
The sultan of shortcakes, the muffin magician.
Love this:
She's fetched and she's carried, she's scampered and scurried,
She's simmered and seasoned and kibbled and curried.
Clever feminine end-rhyme here:
She's learned the cook's secrets, the cute and the clever ones,
The 'Never-Tell-Anyone-Now-And-Forever' ones.
and here:
How can she compete with the best in the Kingdom,
The champion chefs of most everything-dom? (CLEEEEEEVER!)
*
The judges grow serious, now they look frazzled;
It's clear they're delighted, delirious, dazzled.
Suggest:
The judges grow serious; now they look frazzled.
It's clear they're delighted, delirious, dazzled.
*
Now Crackpepper smiles as he crosses the floor,
It's fine as is but might flow better with this slight change:
Crackpepper now smiles as he crosses the floor,
*
Then(,) next on this day of stupendous surprises:
*
See Hilda's sweet blushing, her legs growing weak,(no comma)
As the dashing Prince plants a big kiss on her cheek.
*
Now(,) Magog the Magician cries out with a grin,
Almost a six for both inventiveness and craftsmanship in a good storytelling style to suit the genre.
Bravo and good luck! (mine doesn't stand a change with the judges next to this...and I'd be glad if you win, as this is delightfully entertaining and sweet).
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Marvelous! Bound to win or place in the contest, I imagine. It's such charming storytelling, with a lovely underlying theme of cooperation instead of competition.
Great phonetics and fantastic rhyming. Great flow with mixed meter. A few spots could be tweaked, but overall, it's fluid and groovy, musically.
Specific notes:
I always enjoy your stories in a poem and also your
'silly nonsense style rhymes' with whimsical wit. Especially liked the name Kar-boo!
And also the word 'patrician' rhymed with magician--and Whisket and biscuit and Shenanigan and Marzipanigam (an Irish Italian Mouse!) Gateua and snow--whaddya know!
Delightful to read aloud, especially with all the clever 'alliterative appellations'!!!
This is so much fun to read aloud, I'm showing it to my mom, who would be the best person to perform it (did you hear her performance of my story poem? She's an Ex-Broadway star, still shining at 81~!
Love the opening stanz'as alliteration of F, B and S:
The Kingdom of Gobbledegooks is a-flutter
With the flurry of flour, and the beating of butter;
With sugar and egg-yolks, with batter and icing,
With sifting and sprinkling and stirring and spicing.
And the medley of CH and C sounds here:
They come bearing chocolate and cheeses and chilli,
Ingredients simple and special and silly.
In the great castle kitchen erupts a loud cheer -
They've announced the contestants for Cake of the Year.
Very cute and clever:
Sits Crackpepper Crispin, the pastry patrician,
The sultan of shortcakes, the muffin magician.
Love this:
She's fetched and she's carried, she's scampered and scurried,
She's simmered and seasoned and kibbled and curried.
Clever feminine end-rhyme here:
She's learned the cook's secrets, the cute and the clever ones,
The 'Never-Tell-Anyone-Now-And-Forever' ones.
and here:
How can she compete with the best in the Kingdom,
The champion chefs of most everything-dom? (CLEEEEEEVER!)
*
The judges grow serious, now they look frazzled;
It's clear they're delighted, delirious, dazzled.
Suggest:
The judges grow serious; now they look frazzled.
It's clear they're delighted, delirious, dazzled.
*
Now Crackpepper smiles as he crosses the floor,
It's fine as is but might flow better with this slight change:
Crackpepper now smiles as he crosses the floor,
*
Then(,) next on this day of stupendous surprises:
*
See Hilda's sweet blushing, her legs growing weak,(no comma)
As the dashing Prince plants a big kiss on her cheek.
*
Now(,) Magog the Magician cries out with a grin,
Almost a six for both inventiveness and craftsmanship in a good storytelling style to suit the genre.
Bravo and good luck! (mine doesn't stand a change with the judges next to this...and I'd be glad if you win, as this is delightfully entertaining and sweet).
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Rama, for the wonderful review as always. I'm never short of anything to go back and double-check after one of your analyses!
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
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Yay! :-)))
Comment from JanPerry
Extremely inventive and fun. I really like the story about the gobbledegooks.
It shows a wild imagination, it shows tenacity beyond human endurance on making it rhyme AABB type. You have so many paragraphs, it seems the book is finished
on one poem.
There is so much work put into this story it deserves a 6 - but I am mean as hell!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Extremely inventive and fun. I really like the story about the gobbledegooks.
It shows a wild imagination, it shows tenacity beyond human endurance on making it rhyme AABB type. You have so many paragraphs, it seems the book is finished
on one poem.
There is so much work put into this story it deserves a 6 - but I am mean as hell!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Jan, thanks for the kind words.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
Comment from TPAC
Definately someone who felt the feastive season, love this work structuring with delighting word selection in its given line conveyance. I find its thought entertaining and pleasing to mind.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Definately someone who felt the feastive season, love this work structuring with delighting word selection in its given line conveyance. I find its thought entertaining and pleasing to mind.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
This is the fifth of my Gobbledegook poems - I'm not going to give up until I've got Hilda and Rupert walking down the aisle!
Steve
