The Olive Branch
Boy learns a new word: hearse.51 total reviews
Comment from Treischel
An awesome story that shows how shooting and death are just a part of life in areas where gangs are the rule. David was curious about death, and you explained beautifully. I struck me how desensitized he was even at that young age. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2015
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An awesome story that shows how shooting and death are just a part of life in areas where gangs are the rule. David was curious about death, and you explained beautifully. I struck me how desensitized he was even at that young age. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2015
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Yes, Treischel, I reread my diaries from the time twenty-three years ago when I wrote this story. I am even more shocked now at the gang violence that existed then and still exists in many parts of the world today. Thank you for your thoughtful review.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Sis Cat,
Thought provoking nice piece of Non-Fiction depicting its theme in an interesting way!
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth flow almost throughout the story conveying good moral lessons towards its end.
A writing must be entertaining as well as educative. Only then it becomes alive and worth enjoying.
Laudable Attempt!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Hello Sis Cat,
Thought provoking nice piece of Non-Fiction depicting its theme in an interesting way!
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth flow almost throughout the story conveying good moral lessons towards its end.
A writing must be entertaining as well as educative. Only then it becomes alive and worth enjoying.
Laudable Attempt!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Thank you, RPSaxena, for your generous, six star review. I impressed myself with this story written twenty-three years ago. It marked a departure from non-fiction stories based upon diary entries to creative non-fiction stories based directly upon the life and death I witnessed around me. Your praise encourages me to keep writing. Thank you.
Comment from Lovinia
Hello Andre
Your opening paragraph felt like bang in the face of that pop-gun. What a reaction to death, yet as I read on and realise the young age of Dave, I can imagine, coming from the environment he has to live in, this event would be exciting to him, something that would be in the news and noticed by those around him. I guess he felt like a celebrity by association. So sad ... only eight, and to experience such a tragedy. I'm sorry you also lived in this environment, I can't imagine what it must be to live in such fear. We see on the news, the drive-by shootings and gang related killings ...it is not in my personal reality. Of course it was something that happened in other countries, in huge cities, in suburbs I know nothing about growing up in, perhaps in our red-light district which was pretty small time compared to some of the huge cities in the US. Now we have it here in Australia ... in my own suburb, though not that I live in fear of drive-by shootings, though it does happen in other neighbourhoods.
Your story covers well the emotions, well non-emotions of this little boy. His family probably wrapped up in the death of Blaze and no one to talk or explain to the lad. Maybe what you did, made a difference ... perhaps he remembered the dead flowers and the olive tree, or the young man who took the time to take an interest. I would like to think he made something of himself and has a happier life in a safer suburb. That may not be the case ... I guess all we can really do is try to make a difference in our small part of the world and hope it pays forward. Your writing is crisp and alive. I've enjoyed your story despite the poignant nature, it is also a story of hope. After all, you made it out. Well done, told with compassion and great empathy. You also create awareness and educate those of us not familiar with this kind of violence in our lives. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Hello Andre
Your opening paragraph felt like bang in the face of that pop-gun. What a reaction to death, yet as I read on and realise the young age of Dave, I can imagine, coming from the environment he has to live in, this event would be exciting to him, something that would be in the news and noticed by those around him. I guess he felt like a celebrity by association. So sad ... only eight, and to experience such a tragedy. I'm sorry you also lived in this environment, I can't imagine what it must be to live in such fear. We see on the news, the drive-by shootings and gang related killings ...it is not in my personal reality. Of course it was something that happened in other countries, in huge cities, in suburbs I know nothing about growing up in, perhaps in our red-light district which was pretty small time compared to some of the huge cities in the US. Now we have it here in Australia ... in my own suburb, though not that I live in fear of drive-by shootings, though it does happen in other neighbourhoods.
Your story covers well the emotions, well non-emotions of this little boy. His family probably wrapped up in the death of Blaze and no one to talk or explain to the lad. Maybe what you did, made a difference ... perhaps he remembered the dead flowers and the olive tree, or the young man who took the time to take an interest. I would like to think he made something of himself and has a happier life in a safer suburb. That may not be the case ... I guess all we can really do is try to make a difference in our small part of the world and hope it pays forward. Your writing is crisp and alive. I've enjoyed your story despite the poignant nature, it is also a story of hope. After all, you made it out. Well done, told with compassion and great empathy. You also create awareness and educate those of us not familiar with this kind of violence in our lives. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Lovinia, for your generous, thoughtful review. Yes, Dave's reaction to the shooting felt like a bang in my face. I reminded him how weeks earlier he had shot me in the face with a cap gun when I opened the door. I am stunned that a boy can be that young and yet have such a cavalier attitude about life and death. I did what I can to educate him. My diary recounts that when I read "The Olive Branch" to him and I reached the part when I warned him against joining gangs, Dave made a goofy face and said "I will." If he is alive, he would be thirty-one today. Thank you for your compassionate review.
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Hi Andre
I guess some kids are more gung-ho than others and more up-front with violence. Living with the dominance of gangs, it's almost like these kids have no choice but to join. Especially in sole parent homes or where both mother and father work long hours ... so scary to use a cap gun like that especially where you were living. I had my Annie Oakley cap pistol (heehee), back in the day ... it was drilled into us NEVER to point it at anyone directly, especially the face. So nice of you to try and help him .. . you were young and vulnerable yourself in that area. Your writing always shows how deeply you care ... plus so many images as I read. Love your work. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
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Thank you, Lovinia, I deeply appreciate your insight and encouragement.
Comment from abbasjoy
This was a great chapter, very naturally told and addressing a rather difficult topic.
Dave sounded like he understood the severity of the gang situation in relation to his uncle's death, and also that retaliation for his death was inevitable. So senseless and if one side didn't stop these boy's lives would be snuffed out before they even reached their teenage years.
You very wisely advised Dave, not to join gangs, and I hope he listened.
Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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This was a great chapter, very naturally told and addressing a rather difficult topic.
Dave sounded like he understood the severity of the gang situation in relation to his uncle's death, and also that retaliation for his death was inevitable. So senseless and if one side didn't stop these boy's lives would be snuffed out before they even reached their teenage years.
You very wisely advised Dave, not to join gangs, and I hope he listened.
Well done.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Yes, abbasjoy, this was a difficult topic I addressed David. I had to say and do something and not remain silent about the violence whirling around us. I had to try.
I discovered today my September 23, 1992 journal entry in which I read David my story "The Olive Branch." The entry recounts, "When I read the part where I told him never to join gangs, he nodded goofily that he will." His uncle's killer was shot in the heart in a retaliatory shooting and an older friend of Dave's was wounded in another retaliatory shooting. It pains me to think that despite my effort, Dave may be dead now if he joined the gang. If he is alive, he would be thirty-one today.
Thank you for your generous, six star review.
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I truly hope Dave heard the cry of your heart, to not get involved with gangs. It would have been very difficult for him, seeing that is all he was surrounded by.
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Yes, my diary recounts that most of the men in his family were gang members. This was the only world he knew: shootings and reprisals. Perhaps if my story is published, someone can find out what happened to him, but I fear he is dead. Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from Word Doctor Carson Volk
"...Once you pick a flower, it starts to die, no matter how much water you pour on it."--This is an amazing example of symbolism. As is the use of the olive branch-as symbol of peace. I am also impressed with the way you dealt with the delicate situation. I also have experience first hand experiences of gang violence, though a much different kind of gang...I just realized how ignorant that actually sounds. Gang violence is gang violence. Violence is violence, no matter the context. Thank you for sharing this very thoughtful piece of prose, it got me thinking, which I believe is one of the major goals in writing. Good luck with the publishing of it, it doubtlessly deserves to be printed.
Have a wonderful day!
With gratitude and respect,
Your friend and colleague,
Word Doctor Carson Volk.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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"...Once you pick a flower, it starts to die, no matter how much water you pour on it."--This is an amazing example of symbolism. As is the use of the olive branch-as symbol of peace. I am also impressed with the way you dealt with the delicate situation. I also have experience first hand experiences of gang violence, though a much different kind of gang...I just realized how ignorant that actually sounds. Gang violence is gang violence. Violence is violence, no matter the context. Thank you for sharing this very thoughtful piece of prose, it got me thinking, which I believe is one of the major goals in writing. Good luck with the publishing of it, it doubtlessly deserves to be printed.
Have a wonderful day!
With gratitude and respect,
Your friend and colleague,
Word Doctor Carson Volk.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Word Doctor Carson Volk, for your generous, six star review. I just located my 1992 diary entrees mentioning my creation of this story. I am saddened at the gang violence that existed then and exists now. The killer of Dave's uncle was shot in the heart in a retaliatory shooting. I felt helpless to stop children killing children. This story was my cry for hope and peace. I submit this for publication. Thank you for your review and encouragement.
Comment from Tpa
An excellent story. I enjoyed the simplicity of your publication. The manner of a young man reaching out to a naive boy. The theme, of course, was timeless and the location can be anywhere. You ending was great. Good Job!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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An excellent story. I enjoyed the simplicity of your publication. The manner of a young man reaching out to a naive boy. The theme, of course, was timeless and the location can be anywhere. You ending was great. Good Job!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Yes, Tpa, even though the story is twenty-three years old, "The theme, of course, was timeless and the location can be anywhere." I impressed myself with both my writing back then and my wisdom and tact to handle such a difficult conversation with "a na•ve boy." Thank you for your review, your encouragement, and your six stars.
Comment from ViLana
This is a troubling story about people forced to live in a hostile environment. I found it an interesting read especially because you based it on a true account of your experience in Sunland Park.
Just a little thing: I was confused about Dave's reaction in the opening. Was he jumping around because he was happy or was he just excited that his uncle was shot? It would be interesting to know a little about Dave's feelings about his uncle or maybe he doesn't know him at all, and that is the reason why he is so numb.
Dave seems old enough to understand about death and dying yet comes across as much younger in age.
Your story is fascinating and tells a lot about life in that pocket of the world.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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This is a troubling story about people forced to live in a hostile environment. I found it an interesting read especially because you based it on a true account of your experience in Sunland Park.
Just a little thing: I was confused about Dave's reaction in the opening. Was he jumping around because he was happy or was he just excited that his uncle was shot? It would be interesting to know a little about Dave's feelings about his uncle or maybe he doesn't know him at all, and that is the reason why he is so numb.
Dave seems old enough to understand about death and dying yet comes across as much younger in age.
Your story is fascinating and tells a lot about life in that pocket of the world.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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ViLana, I was confused by David's reaction, too. Dave jumped around because he was excited and happy that his uncle was shot. Basking in the center of attention, he thought good luck had happened to his family. Although eight, he did not understand life and death, as noted by his response and many questions. Remember, only a couple of weeks earlier he shot me in the face with a cap gun and laughed about it. I sense that his uncle was the first death of a person close to him and he did not know how to respond. Usually, children first experience death when a grandparent or a pet dies. Dave's first experience was an uncle killed in a drive-by shooting. I mentored Dave through this process of coming to grips with death and with the appreciation of the fragility and sacredness of life. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Joyce Long
After all these years I am pleased to be reading your short story discussing death. I can't imagine living in an area where gang shootings take place. Stray bullets make it unsafe for anyone living in the area.
This is well written and I hope that you can get it published.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-11-15
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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After all these years I am pleased to be reading your short story discussing death. I can't imagine living in an area where gang shootings take place. Stray bullets make it unsafe for anyone living in the area.
This is well written and I hope that you can get it published.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-11-15
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Joyce, I am thrilled to share this "lost" story with you. I will submit it for publication. Thanks for your review and encouragement.
Comment from Ben Colder
Interesting piece. I never found anything wrong. It tells a sad story so often done each day in large Meto areas of our nation. I wishe we all could live in peace. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Interesting piece. I never found anything wrong. It tells a sad story so often done each day in large Meto areas of our nation. I wishe we all could live in peace. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Yes, Ben, this tells a sad story which resonates in many communities today. I love that symbol of an olive branch because it represents peace. I used what was available to teach Dave about life and death. Thank you for your review.
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Well done .
Comment from robyn corum
Sis,
I am frightened and horrified by this story. I know that these situations exist, but haven't run across anyone for whom they were real. I am soooo sorry and so glad you escaped this prison. Thanks for sharing this piece. I found nothing to criticize. Very well crafted!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Sis,
I am frightened and horrified by this story. I know that these situations exist, but haven't run across anyone for whom they were real. I am soooo sorry and so glad you escaped this prison. Thanks for sharing this piece. I found nothing to criticize. Very well crafted!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you, robyn, for your review. I had forgotten that the story existed because I tucked it inside a manila envelop for twenty-three years. When I read it several days ago, I was shocked that I used to sleep on the floor and Dave had shot me in the face with a cap gun when I answered the door. "How did I live like that?" I asked myself. I am glad I left, but the sad thing is that people live like this today. Thanks for your review.