Comment from Preston McWhorter

Excellent

Hi, Treischel,
Congratulations on mastering another poetic form, this one inspired by a Japanese language form. The figurative language and the philosophy are excellent.
The syllable form is followed but it is my understanding that for a poem to be superior it must have less than 17 syllables.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thank you Preston. I believe that's 17 or less.

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

Too bad that you've missed the contest. This would've been a good one. I always wondered what my influence would be, and you've answered that: "short the marks we leave" You're so right. It's just a blink. Wonderful writing. Les

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thank you Les.

Comment from artemis53

Excellent

Wonderful piece. The chalk may wear off from the water rising but never that memory. I truly have enjoyed your 'vacation writings"!

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you Artemis. Good point. I do have the memory.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Thank you for sharing your reflections about the transitory nature of the human condition. I am glad the cruise inspired you but sorry you missed the contest. I enjoyed your 5-7-5 senryu and photo of the curious, chalk-marking ritual. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you Joan. My favorite type of graffiti,self erasing.

reply by Joan E. on 28-Oct-2015

Good point! May dreams of chalk graffiti dance in your head!! -Joan

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Neat Senryu. Pity you missed the contest. People on this site have started writing these things in 1, 2 and 3 line format and shor-long-short seems to have flown out of the window. Hey! Ho! I still prefer them to be written like this.

Good place for graffiti - lasts till the next refill!.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you Pantygynt. I thought that a great idea too.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

Everywhere we go we leave a mark of ourselves. It is not always a visible mark but we surely give the people we deal with an impression of us either good or bad.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you Sandra, So true.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

This is certainly a philosophical senryu and would have made a great entry. But it is still a wonderful poem. Great satori and about human nature.
Teresa

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you so much teresa. it's wonderful to here.

Comment from twinklepoems

Excellent

I love me a good senryu. Yours is subtle "transient chalk" , short the marks we leave.
That says it all in in 17 short syllables...leaving you to stop and ponder the overall meaning. Sorry you missed the contest!

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you twinkle poems.