Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

OK so we have a mermaid love poem and she stays the night, causing the narrator to want to re-visit her under the sea.

You evoke the mood quite well and the narrator's love and contentment. I am a bit puzzled by what seems to be an incomplete sentence in the first stanza:
her eyes appear
her presence from
the ocean
in the winter air

I understand the modern tendency to write without punctuation, but it does creat uncertainty of meaning, and you have to agree that portion doesn't really make sense...

Nice, though. Let's get him back underwater as soon as we can....

Steve

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

I am often confused by whether I should have punctuation or not. I think this verse would do better with punctuation, thanks for the suggestion. Elaine

Comment from foreverbutterfly

Excellent

It started off in such an unexpected way that it encouraged you to read it further. A fantastic bit of poetry and I love the flames and the water all in one poem.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

Thanks for reading and enjoying. Elaine

Comment from writeapoem

Excellent

A great mermaid love poem I enjoyed the magic in the rhyme and the love expressed too . All the best and happ u new y e a r

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

Thanks for a great review. Elaine

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Excellent

How I love the amazing creativity of your Mermaid being rippling around our globe! Thanks for your presence and sharing, adding a softly colourful and spiritual glow. Blessings, Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

Thanks for reading and enjoying. Elaine

reply by A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE on 19-Jan-2016

Love and happy journeying to you Elaine, blessings Maureen*&*

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Elaine,

I enjoyed reading your free verse poem
waiting for warmer days to spend
in the sea. You really are a mermaid
through and through:)

I loved the alliteration in the first stanza
and your creative ending:

"when this land fish
will swim again
in the salty home
of this sea being"

Do you really have a candle that
flickers at night like the photo?

Linda;)

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

I have scented candles at home but none like the photo. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Elaine

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

There is always something in your poems that delights! The closing lines of this one are just lovely:
"hope of warmer
days
when this land fish
will swim again
in the salty home
of this sea being"
What a wonderful connection between the mermaid flames and the soul of the poet.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

I appreciate your thoughtful review. Thanks so much. Elaine

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This free verse poem, Mermaid Flame, has a great form of independent phrases that are laid out one after another to form the poems theme.
...contentment fills me
...her eyes appear
...silhouette on my wall
...she stays til dawn

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

Thanks for a great review. Elaine

Comment from The Ponderer

Good

I can almost see the mermaid in those flames as I read on, for me it has been well written, and very captivating, well done.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

Thanks for reading and reviewing. Elaine

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

Mermaids are a whimsical and elusive being. A friend of mine opened a gift shop named "Mermaids". I will share your poem with her.

Well done.
Janet

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2016

That is awesome! I wish your friend much success with her gift shop. Elaine

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Beautiful..whimsical poem. Longing for the sea in winter while land-locked in the Mid-West...me. I gave it a five....no revision needed.

 Comment Written 01-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016

Thanks for a great review. Elaine