Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Hi, Mary. This was a rather strange contest - I must admit that I have no idea what the organiser meant when they told you to be inspired by the shadow spectrum. I've tried googling it, only to find it's the name of a band. Go figure.

However, your poem is a pretty one, even ignoring that cryptic condition and focusing more on the contest title, the magic of life itself. Your first line is particularly strong and gets the piece off to a wonderful start. The rest of the piece maintains the theme of making the most of life, firmly placing this in the realm of 'carpe diem' poems.

You have chosen to use rhyme, which mostly works well, but does lead to a couple of weaker word choices, in my opinion. The first is 'adroitly', a word that almost exclusively refers to manual dexterity. To me, it doesn't really fit as a description of how one can live his life.

The second one is 'futile'. This is a little different - I suspect you wanted an adverb (futilely) which would have referred to the verb 'waste'. Instead you have ended up with an adjective which attaches itself to the nearest noun, 'life'. Can you waste a futile life??

However, I can see why this piece attracted enough votes to be a winner - it is attractive in a number of ways and contains a sound life message. Congrats on the win.

Steve

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016

Thanks Steve you have give me some things to think about it was a while since I wrote it, but I will consider your comments. I really appreciate you reviewing it. Mary

Comment from Heather Knight

Exceptional

Lovely poem, Mary. You're right. I hadn't seen it. I'm glad you won the competition.
I like it all, but the first stanza is perfect: the words have been chosen very carefully. Stardust, magically, sparkle all fit together very well.
I also like the message: it's important to observe the beauty of nature and to keep our minds active (fertile).
Thanks for sharing this one.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016

Thanks Maria for reviewing my poem and commenting with great praise and then give it a stamp of excellence. I am grateful Mary

Comment from Max. Velocity

Excellent

It's a potent mix, an artist with a pen using words as a medium.....almost rebellious.

I liked the ethereal blended with the temporal in this and the only part that I struggled with was the first two lines and strictly on a philosophical basis; not on your skillful portrayal.

Spending a bit of time with our own earthly concerns does blight the natural and the supernatural.

Fortunately we have this beacon of yours to help us step back and consider the bigger picture you paint......

Peace be with you....

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016

Hi thanks for your excellent review and comments. I like the first lines the best because it was the inspiration for the poem.

Mary

Comment from Hayley Solomon

Excellent

Absolutely agree with your premise.
I love a substantive poem like this.
Good structure, pretty imagery,
well done!

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016

Thank you Hayley for a great review much appreciated. Mary

Comment from Amber Fatone

Excellent

I really enjoyed reading this. It feels so humble and for some odd reason nostalgic. Anyway, you picked a great format, you have a way with words and every line bleed well into the next. This deserves five stars if you ask me

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016

Thank you so much for your lovely words of praise for my poem, I appreciate it. Mary

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Very nice in presentation
and words...We are
stardust....one of my
favorite descriptions...
Joni Mitchell said it...
So did Crosby..Stills..
Nash...always beautiful...
the thought..

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016

Thanks Nika for your great review, Mary

Comment from ann marie mazz

Excellent

hi mary

I hope this day finds you well

congratulations on your winning entry
I can see how it won
your creation is marvelous
the execution is more than fine on wordplay
I also very much enjoyed your title
be proud of this entry

thank you for sharing your talent
congratulations again
ann marie

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015

Thanks ann marie for your congratulations, I appreciate it. Mary

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello :)

Nice entry for the contest. You followed all the rules and your poem is about the magic in life. Good luck in the contest and good job!
gypsy

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015

Thanks Gypsy for your most encouraging review.

Comment from mvbrooks

Good

It's a fun, light poem and the picture adds to the sense of lightness and positive thoughts.

In this stanza:
"we are what we think
don't waste life futile
self-trust is a must
keep your mind fertile"
--"futile" and "fertile" don't truly rhyme

"don't wast life futile" does not make sense on it's own -- seems like an adverb is needed here for a complete thought.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015

Thank mybrooks for reviewing my poem, I am sorry you feel that "don't waste life futile" does not make sense, I have checked it with sentence checker and it certainly does. it is a very close rhyme to fertile. I do appreciate you opinion.

reply by mvbrooks on 21-Oct-2015

It does have a noun and verb--that's basically what the sentence checkers verify--but futile is an adjective, not an adverb, so it can not describe "how" not to waste life.

Comment from SilentNinja2930

Excellent

This poem is excellent. It appears to follow the rules of the contest and has great descriptive detail, as well as a nice image to accompany it. I wish you luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

Thanks for your most encouraging review.