A Book of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "The Pirate's Mistress"Assorted poems of love
30 total reviews
Comment from Brian Terry
I say, this is a bit naughty and I thought you were a good girl.
How wrong can I be (smile)
I liked the imagery
'The lips that moments ago barked orders
Now whisper word of love'
Made me go all goosey
Brian
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I say, this is a bit naughty and I thought you were a good girl.
How wrong can I be (smile)
I liked the imagery
'The lips that moments ago barked orders
Now whisper word of love'
Made me go all goosey
Brian
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I am a good girl, Brian, just maybe not everyone's cupa tea!! LOL. Geeze Louise, thanks again, sug for the lovely review :)
Always,
Missy
Comment from michaelcahill
I should have reviewed this days ago when I read it. :)
But I got called away by some boring medical emergency. How rude of someone to get sick when I'm busy reviewing.
LOVE this. Very aarrrggggh. Great flow and use of language. You're wise not to overdo the lingo, but it has enough flavor to make it very piratey (is that a word?).
Killer last line. WHOO HOOOO. I'm a fan of great endings, often overlooked, but very important.
That's a scary halloween picture, but I'm game. mikey
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I should have reviewed this days ago when I read it. :)
But I got called away by some boring medical emergency. How rude of someone to get sick when I'm busy reviewing.
LOVE this. Very aarrrggggh. Great flow and use of language. You're wise not to overdo the lingo, but it has enough flavor to make it very piratey (is that a word?).
Killer last line. WHOO HOOOO. I'm a fan of great endings, often overlooked, but very important.
That's a scary halloween picture, but I'm game. mikey
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Love me some Mikey!!! Never worry, I know you're out there :)
Thanks sugga for the lovely review.
Missy
Got one more for Halloween, then back to just plain ol me :)
Comment from jpduck
You are the maestro of sexual inuendo and metaphor. In this poem it moves from the downright Freudian at the start to finish with more explicit sexuality, but never pornographic.
Adrian
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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You are the maestro of sexual inuendo and metaphor. In this poem it moves from the downright Freudian at the start to finish with more explicit sexuality, but never pornographic.
Adrian
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Oh Adrian, I love this, a maestro. I am smilin :)
Missy
Comment from petalangela
Stunning choice of art and very suited words of adoration.
Every pirate had his mistress it was the sea the ship was his doxy to order at will. And you the place where his love he could fulfil
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Stunning choice of art and very suited words of adoration.
Every pirate had his mistress it was the sea the ship was his doxy to order at will. And you the place where his love he could fulfil
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Hiya Pet. I am loving this review from you, my dear friend. :) I am delighted that you loved it enough to award me a 6.
xoxo
Missy
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My new book is now on my profile
Comment from mfowler
This poem is an adventurous and welcome diversion into new imagery. I really like how the pirate theme is played out through consistent ship, sea metaphors. While I'm never comfortable with themes in which women give them hopelessly to some chauvinistic prick like a pirate leader, I acknowledge women at this time often felt grateful for such momentary attention. Your poem focuses on the romantic imagery and I probably should put my feminist hat back in the cupboard.
I have a lot to suggest this time. Firstly:
Be careful your title is spelt correctly. First view of a reader - pirate needs a possessive apostrophe. Thor are one or two in the poem too.
You've used some long lines within the poem that lose their impact as the eye trails along them. They are more like sentences but with clever use of the line breaks, and removal of extraneous words that add nothing to the narrative, you can give great emphasis to the key ideas.
You have a problem with tense in this poem as well. You start out in the first line as if present tense is your preference, and it works best in this piece, but switch to past with 'looked'. Sometimes the idea you're presenting is a look back and changing the tense works, but here I got confused.
I've taken the decision to remaster the whole poem using changes that are connected to my main points above. Please see these not as 'what I think you should do', but as another way of looking at the same piece.
The poem has terrific potential but needs substantial editing in my humble opinion.
(Please note that the editor didn't let me centre this. If you imagine it centred, it works better.)
Sails are tight, the wind rushes us on our way
I look at you standing at the helm, quietly keeping her into the wind
I feel the mistress here
Your heart is hers
I, the stolen moments.
You're barking orders sending men scurrying, you're in your element
The sounds of the rigging rubbing, twisting
The ship cutting through the waves
The salty spray
All part of a pirate's life
My Pirate.
When you're done at the wheel, you give her to another
Come to me for a lil' while.
I cherish these times ...few as they are
It's then that hands that steered us straight and true
Drive me insane
The lips that barked orders, now whisper
Words of love into the softness of my neck
Oh, Pirate, my pirate, take me to paradise
You chart the course on my body with your hands and lips
Anchor here
in the solitude of my love.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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This poem is an adventurous and welcome diversion into new imagery. I really like how the pirate theme is played out through consistent ship, sea metaphors. While I'm never comfortable with themes in which women give them hopelessly to some chauvinistic prick like a pirate leader, I acknowledge women at this time often felt grateful for such momentary attention. Your poem focuses on the romantic imagery and I probably should put my feminist hat back in the cupboard.
I have a lot to suggest this time. Firstly:
Be careful your title is spelt correctly. First view of a reader - pirate needs a possessive apostrophe. Thor are one or two in the poem too.
You've used some long lines within the poem that lose their impact as the eye trails along them. They are more like sentences but with clever use of the line breaks, and removal of extraneous words that add nothing to the narrative, you can give great emphasis to the key ideas.
You have a problem with tense in this poem as well. You start out in the first line as if present tense is your preference, and it works best in this piece, but switch to past with 'looked'. Sometimes the idea you're presenting is a look back and changing the tense works, but here I got confused.
I've taken the decision to remaster the whole poem using changes that are connected to my main points above. Please see these not as 'what I think you should do', but as another way of looking at the same piece.
The poem has terrific potential but needs substantial editing in my humble opinion.
(Please note that the editor didn't let me centre this. If you imagine it centred, it works better.)
Sails are tight, the wind rushes us on our way
I look at you standing at the helm, quietly keeping her into the wind
I feel the mistress here
Your heart is hers
I, the stolen moments.
You're barking orders sending men scurrying, you're in your element
The sounds of the rigging rubbing, twisting
The ship cutting through the waves
The salty spray
All part of a pirate's life
My Pirate.
When you're done at the wheel, you give her to another
Come to me for a lil' while.
I cherish these times ...few as they are
It's then that hands that steered us straight and true
Drive me insane
The lips that barked orders, now whisper
Words of love into the softness of my neck
Oh, Pirate, my pirate, take me to paradise
You chart the course on my body with your hands and lips
Anchor here
in the solitude of my love.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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I was wondering where you were :)
Thank you for all the time you spend reviewing in order to give me such wonderful feedback, Mark!
I will look to change some things but the certificate is set to expire shortly.
Thank you, again!
Missy
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This poem is a great presentation. I really like the artwork, color scheme, and font color. I like the contrast you wrote in your poem. Good job. I was engaged the entire throughout. I see no changes.
Good job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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This poem is a great presentation. I really like the artwork, color scheme, and font color. I like the contrast you wrote in your poem. Good job. I was engaged the entire throughout. I see no changes.
Good job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thanks, JP, I have come to look for your reviews :)
Missy
Comment from Ric Myworld
Hoist the sails mate, lets get this cruise under way. Love on the high seas, that is if the rocking ship doesn't make us sick, causing us to hang our heads over the railing. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hoist the sails mate, lets get this cruise under way. Love on the high seas, that is if the rocking ship doesn't make us sick, causing us to hang our heads over the railing. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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LOL Ric, you crack me up :)
Thanks sugga for the delightful review.
Missy
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Alejandro loved your poem! He told me it got his juices flowin'.
Seriously, Missy, this is a very sensuous, lovely poem. Love the traditional romantic image of the pirate. The competent man, in charge of everything in his life, the strong handsome lover. What's not to like? Very well done.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Alejandro loved your poem! He told me it got his juices flowin'.
Seriously, Missy, this is a very sensuous, lovely poem. Love the traditional romantic image of the pirate. The competent man, in charge of everything in his life, the strong handsome lover. What's not to like? Very well done.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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LOL. I just bet he did!!! I would take a ghost Pirate...tell him to come over...hahaha!!
Thanks, hon, ya made my day!
Missy
Comment from LeslieP5
This is a unique and sensuous love poem that sneaks up on the reader. The poem starts with images of a strong and in charge pirate, steering his vessel and barking orders. You skillfully turn that all around when he turn the ship over to another and steals some private time with you, his mistress. Then his hands drive you insane, he whispers words of love, and you want him to drop anchor in your solitude and take you to paradise.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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This is a unique and sensuous love poem that sneaks up on the reader. The poem starts with images of a strong and in charge pirate, steering his vessel and barking orders. You skillfully turn that all around when he turn the ship over to another and steals some private time with you, his mistress. Then his hands drive you insane, he whispers words of love, and you want him to drop anchor in your solitude and take you to paradise.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thank you Leslie, for the just awesome review hon. I honestly and truly appreciate it :)
Missy
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You're welcome. It was a pleasure to read and a very well written poem.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Missy
OH MY
This is hot, hot, hot
It doesn't leave much room for doubt and lets the imagination run freely. WTG my friend
Bear
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hey there Missy
OH MY
This is hot, hot, hot
It doesn't leave much room for doubt and lets the imagination run freely. WTG my friend
Bear
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Bear. I am glad you saw this one :)
Missy