Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Last Standing"A collection of sonnets
11 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening, Poet,
Your pathos of war is resounding and it took me to the trenches of WWI. It as chilling as it was illuminating. I like poems that cause a reader to reflect upon its meaning. Yours does.
The meter is spot-on as is the poetic form for the English Sonnet. The turn in line 9 is very subtle, but effective. The pathos in stanza 3 is quite effective with lines 3 & 4.
An excellent entry. Good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Good Evening, Poet,
Your pathos of war is resounding and it took me to the trenches of WWI. It as chilling as it was illuminating. I like poems that cause a reader to reflect upon its meaning. Yours does.
The meter is spot-on as is the poetic form for the English Sonnet. The turn in line 9 is very subtle, but effective. The pathos in stanza 3 is quite effective with lines 3 & 4.
An excellent entry. Good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Wow, what an excellent review from someone I'd love to get an excellent review from. Everything I'm hoping to hear I'm hearing. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. Thank you kindly. Win or lose I have my reward.
Comment from bard owl
This is a stunning poem, revealing the gritty truth about what is so often romanticized. Alive or dead, all who fought are considered heroes. "Just to win" becomes a shallow reason to fight a war when you are present when friends die.
This is a brutal statement, in the last two lines, the dead's reaction to all the tributes that mean nothing to them.
Your sonnet is perfectly written with words that can wake up all those who only glamorize war. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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This is a stunning poem, revealing the gritty truth about what is so often romanticized. Alive or dead, all who fought are considered heroes. "Just to win" becomes a shallow reason to fight a war when you are present when friends die.
This is a brutal statement, in the last two lines, the dead's reaction to all the tributes that mean nothing to them.
Your sonnet is perfectly written with words that can wake up all those who only glamorize war. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much. I'm thrilled with your analysis. You are on the money as far as my intentions. So that couldn't please me more. Six stars too. I couldn't ask for more. Big smiles, you made my week.
Comment from Word Doctor Carson Volk
Very good work. It seems to me to be about the horrors of war, of violence. I may be wrong, but interpretation is what literature is all about. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
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Very good work. It seems to me to be about the horrors of war, of violence. I may be wrong, but interpretation is what literature is all about. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
For once somerhing out of the ordinary and something thar SAYS something. Flawless mechanics. Wow, what a closing line. I can hear the fire crackling. My vote.
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For once somerhing out of the ordinary and something thar SAYS something. Flawless mechanics. Wow, what a closing line. I can hear the fire crackling. My vote.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
Comment from frogbook
Well done. Thought provoking and interesting. The rhymes flowed freely and the descriptions were very good. Followed the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.
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Well done. Thought provoking and interesting. The rhymes flowed freely and the descriptions were very good. Followed the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
Comment from Bojenn
Well, I have a tear drop or two forming as when I read the last line, "While ghostly whispers hiss, Who fought the fight."
There is nothing that I can say that is beneficial at this time. I really like the use of the colloquialism and tone.
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Well, I have a tear drop or two forming as when I read the last line, "While ghostly whispers hiss, Who fought the fight."
There is nothing that I can say that is beneficial at this time. I really like the use of the colloquialism and tone.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
Comment from MacMhuirich
Wow, this is a stunning piece of work, good wording, good rhyme and a pleasure to read. Your last two lines are so good:-
Now, those who live bray tributes through the night.
While ghostly whispers hiss, "Who fought the fight?"
Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
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Wow, this is a stunning piece of work, good wording, good rhyme and a pleasure to read. Your last two lines are so good:-
Now, those who live bray tributes through the night.
While ghostly whispers hiss, "Who fought the fight?"
Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Some times you have to fight a battle to achieve the peace you seek as this well written poem depicts. Uses terms such as "vow to never yield," and "who fought the fight," to better illustrate the theme of this well written piece. Fits the form of the English sonnet nicely, and should also be a good contest entry.
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Some times you have to fight a battle to achieve the peace you seek as this well written poem depicts. Uses terms such as "vow to never yield," and "who fought the fight," to better illustrate the theme of this well written piece. Fits the form of the English sonnet nicely, and should also be a good contest entry.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was pretty grand. I like the heroic subject matter and the great visuals it invokes.
Excellent use of iambic pentameter throughout, great rhyme, rhythm and cadence, and an impressive presentation.
I lay my sword upon the battlefield--
my blood and theirs congealed upon the ground.
With pride did we all vow to never yield,
and now we reap the peace that we have found.
Excellent lines. I have a suggestion for the third line, to avoid inverted syntax:
With pride we gave a vow to never yield
Good luck in the contest. This should do very well.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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This was pretty grand. I like the heroic subject matter and the great visuals it invokes.
Excellent use of iambic pentameter throughout, great rhyme, rhythm and cadence, and an impressive presentation.
I lay my sword upon the battlefield--
my blood and theirs congealed upon the ground.
With pride did we all vow to never yield,
and now we reap the peace that we have found.
Excellent lines. I have a suggestion for the third line, to avoid inverted syntax:
With pride we gave a vow to never yield
Good luck in the contest. This should do very well.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Hi. I'm not posting much lately. Just soooo busy. But, I couldn't resist! I'm so delighted you enjoyed this. I've been free versing a bit lately so I thought I better buckle down and make sure I don't forget how to do some disciplined serious stuff!!!
A great suggestion. Wow. It makes a big difference. I changed it to:
"With pride we gave our vow to never yield".
Gee, that is so much better. Thank you. And thank you for all the stars and the great contest. mikey
Comment from mvbrooks
Very powerful--in imagery and in message. It captures the weariness of those who fought long and are relieved the fighting has finally ended. It also captures the futility of those who see first hand the true cost of war and wonder why the fighting began--was their sacrifice worth it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Very powerful--in imagery and in message. It captures the weariness of those who fought long and are relieved the fighting has finally ended. It also captures the futility of those who see first hand the true cost of war and wonder why the fighting began--was their sacrifice worth it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
