Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I could sense increase heart beat as you talked to him. He is truly a person of interest than again most young people view the elders in a strange way. LOL
Can't wait to see what happens at his home.
Cookie

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015

Thank you so much, Cookie. I appreciate you taking time to read this post.

Happy Sunday,

Bev

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Paragraph 7, 'w'ere in (the) here.
This is so atypical of the stories one reads on this site, Bev. I'm finding it most enjoyable and mysterious. So far I like the characters and I'm really looking forward to meeting the new sharman close-up in his home, Giddy

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015

Hi, Giddy. Thank you much for taking time to read this post. I'm glad you're liking the characters. I do plan to focus mostly
on the interaction between Stefano and Pasquale as this is a long/short story.

I appreciate the catching of the spaggie as well.

Have a good week!

:) Bev

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Oh what a writer you are!
I saved this for I thought to wait until I had sixes, but realized it will disappear tomorrow so an imaginary six will have to do, my learned friend.

''Pondering nature's rapacious aspects,''

I thought at first the snippet about the tree was a little too poetic and thought, Bev may be trying too hard here, then the flashback I thought was a tad lengthy with fear of braking away from the main body and detracting too much, but then saw the reason, with the inclusion of father's appearance or imagined appearance with Senior Pasquale. The scene would have been weaker without the flashback of your father. Clever, Bev.

But then....wow, but then... the author, I know, came blasting back with skill I have come to expect that makes her untouchable where suspense and horror is mixed. You are remarkable.It is so nice to review such work for it becomes easy,you nearly do not want to stop reading.

The last quarter of this write shows us why you are a top author here. Oh, it was good. The mimicking, the aura surrounding that space between the two parties, the ambiance that could be sliced with a knife, and the entrance of Senior,with a typical Mexican aura with its magic,and mystery. The whispering voices created imagery that was as strong as the suspense awaiting.

You retrieved and nailed this chapter and it would have my seven stars if could. You had me a little worried in the beginning the chapter would have an off day. Once again you come up trumps, my friend. What casn I say, its a pleasure to read your work.

Mastery has the detective feel with its humor and detail, Green Lake girl has another kind of humor with Magic, and you, my friend, none to touch you where suspense mixed with hair raising horror is concerned. Why? Let me tell you. You are the real deal.
So happy to review...so happy.

Wonderful, Bev.

Have a great day...keep em coming.
Best wishes,
RG

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Hi, RG. Thanks very much for this delightful review. I always appreciate your honesty. I did look at the 'poetic' aspects of the beginning of the piece and considered it might be a bit much for some. Would a scientist think in those terms? That's a good
question. Then, I realized that was how I 'saw' that tree in my mind and decided to stay true to that vision. The second point you bring up is an excellent one, as well. Extended backstory can be distracting. In fact, I changed mine several times, keeping in mind that backstory when it's overdone can take the reader out of the story. But, again, I decided to go with what I felt was important for the overall story, knowing that I would get opinions from honest reviews like yours. That's why we're on this site, after all.

I'm glad that it all worked together in the end. It's a little daunting to keep the momentum going as I rarely write much in advance. So, insights like yours are very much appreciated, my friend. We'll see Doctor Morales trying to pull himself together in the next chapter. His soul hungers for something besides formulas, but he doesn't realize it yet.

As always, your encouragement and support mean a lot to me. And I'm honored to be considered in the company of two of my favorite writers: Bob and Marietta.

:) Bev

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I so wish I had a six left for this post. Matter-of-fact one six isn't even close to how many sixes this post deserves. I think it's the best writing I have ever read on this site.

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Hi, Barbara. Thank you so very much for this most gracious review! Knowing you enjoyed reading this post means a lot to me coming from a writer of your high caliber. I do appreciate your wish for a six, and am more than thrilled by your words of encouragement.

:) Bev

Comment from Aussie

Excellent

"finger of fear prodding my ribcage," excellent description. You do create a feeling of fear and wondering if Morales should have gone to Mexico at all. I don't know a great deal about the country, I believe it is steeped in religion and black magic? A bottle of Guinness is a main meal! I also liked "My heart jumped in my chest as synchronous voices whispered in both ears." Sounds as if Pasquale rode the wind and appeared. "The journalist warned you this guy's a flake or fake?" Well done, you held my interest all the way through! Blessings, K.

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Thanks so much for this most encouraging review, Kay. I appreciate your support and interest.

Hugs, Bev

Comment from Benjamin Valencia

Excellent

We are laughing, Doctor Morales, because we know that you consider us far less intelligent than you. What are we but poor folk--the kind of people who

Hola writingfundimension,
This story has a very interesting plot where science meets culture..You have good characters and the format of your story makes the reading enjoyable...Just some things to note....
(('Nadie es duena de su.' No one owns her.))...The Spanish is incomplete...su then what...its like trying to say, no one is owner of her__(subject)_? car, soul. Nadien sera duena de ella ((this would resonate a bit better.))

Yeah, the corrosive bile was awesome to describe that feeling of seeing all those trees cut down and even more when it saves the guy the hassle from raking leaves..sounds like the mentality alright!

I like this paragraph..." The only reason you're here at all is because you think that in exchange for certain information, you will have the great satisfaction of enlightening us in the ways of the real world."
((this is an ironic statement because the in the village, they are largely enlightenend to know the real world...that's probably why its hard to see anyone in the village, they all fled North! Overall, good work and good premise for the storyline. Cheers.

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Benjamin, thank you very much for this solid and very helpful reiview. I, espcially, appreciate the correction of the Spanish. It's one of the pitfalls of using a Spanish translator! Warm regards, Bev

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

I'm sucked in already. I love the clear description of the square that takes the reader there. The description of the son-father relationship is well told. Looking forward to more.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Thank you so very, much. Glad you found the tale interesting.

:) Bev

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

Great read, I was sorry to get to the end of this part. Love the aura you build while he is standing waiting, in the square and also the description from Senior Pasquale - We are laughing Doctor Morales.... well done.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Thank you very much, Pearl, for both the encouragement and the generosity of your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading of Doctor Morales' adventures. He's in for more surprises.

:) Bev

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

A well written conclusion, my friend. I am off to read the beginning. I seem to do these things is a backward fashion~DEbbie

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2015

Well, there's more parts to come, Debbie. So if you read part one, you'll be ready for what's next. Thanks for both your time and your interest, my friend.

Have a great weekend...

Bev

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Bev. Outstanding swriting from start to finish:

"A gust of wind from the south, carrying the scent of sage, rhythmically rocked the tree's leaves. My eyelids drooped, and I felt as though a string, running the length of my body's core, was being drawn taut."

And: "He shoved the brim of his hat further back on his head and bent closer. His voice dropped to a conspiratorial tone. "The locals believe witches hide within its shadows." Pausing to grin, he added, "Do you believe in la bruja, Doctor Morales?"

You have a good working knowledge of the subject matter here is seems, too, Bev.

Bravo! No sixes left. so sorry. Bob

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015

Hi, Bob

Thanks for the absolutely grand review. I do have a couple of decades of studying the subject matter as well as being a practitioner of the healing arts myself. There will be parts of my experience woven into the story.

Thanks for highlighting what you liked in the story--that's always so helpful! Your encouragement, loyalty and support mean more to me than an extra star, though I appreciate the thought.

:) Bev