Through dirty screens
traditional haiku3 total reviews
Comment from mauial
Great job with the prompt. The first two line are grammatically connected with good concrete imagery. I totally love the aha, satori line, as it ties in the the dirty screens of the first line.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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Great job with the prompt. The first two line are grammatically connected with good concrete imagery. I totally love the aha, satori line, as it ties in the the dirty screens of the first line.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This has good concrete imagery with the curtains billowing in past the dirty screens. Good luck to you in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015
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This has good concrete imagery with the curtains billowing in past the dirty screens. Good luck to you in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 30-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015
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thank you for the kind review.
Comment from NJK62
A highly effective haiku that resonates with the reader. The dirtiness of the 'screen' is contrasted with the cleansing effect of the rain. The sibilant alliteration of 's' , soft 'c' and 'sh' creates a soundscape to accompany the visual picture that you describe: the reader can almost hear the hissing of the rain. This is an impressive haiku that shows good command of the form and a pleasing satori line. Well done. I wish you well in the competition.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015
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A highly effective haiku that resonates with the reader. The dirtiness of the 'screen' is contrasted with the cleansing effect of the rain. The sibilant alliteration of 's' , soft 'c' and 'sh' creates a soundscape to accompany the visual picture that you describe: the reader can almost hear the hissing of the rain. This is an impressive haiku that shows good command of the form and a pleasing satori line. Well done. I wish you well in the competition.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015
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Thank yu for the encouraging detailed review.
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Pleasure.