How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Down & Out--The Adventure Continues"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
44 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Your story caught my attention from the first sentence to the last. The story is well-written. I like reading about people's lives. I thought your description of your neighbor was excellent. Good job!
~gypsy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
Your story caught my attention from the first sentence to the last. The story is well-written. I like reading about people's lives. I thought your description of your neighbor was excellent. Good job!
~gypsy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Hey, Gypsy Blue Rose, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. I'll be working on the next chapter next week.
Comment from MissMerri
You know how to tell a story, so that the reader is caught from the first sentence and curious enough to continue reading to the last. This was certainly well-written and a fascinating bit of personal history. I very much enjoy reading about people's lives, when well told, and this was fun. One of our life-long friends has a Down syndrome daughter, and I thought your description of your neighbor was excellent. All of it was excellent, actually.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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You know how to tell a story, so that the reader is caught from the first sentence and curious enough to continue reading to the last. This was certainly well-written and a fascinating bit of personal history. I very much enjoy reading about people's lives, when well told, and this was fun. One of our life-long friends has a Down syndrome daughter, and I thought your description of your neighbor was excellent. All of it was excellent, actually.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much, Merri. I appreciate your support. And thanks for your personal experience with the down syndrome world.
Comment from sibhus
OK, you done hooked me. I'm really curious as to the story of the Down syndrome girl played out. I'm refraining from using Mongoliod as to avoid the PC police of our highly enlightened age. Though I am familiar with the term, same as when retarded was a term used for people of a substandard intelligence level. Wow, I can just barely remember the days when twenty bucks was a fortune, and you could just about live on it, but then again three dollars an hour was good pay. Great piece, Jay, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the tale.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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OK, you done hooked me. I'm really curious as to the story of the Down syndrome girl played out. I'm refraining from using Mongoliod as to avoid the PC police of our highly enlightened age. Though I am familiar with the term, same as when retarded was a term used for people of a substandard intelligence level. Wow, I can just barely remember the days when twenty bucks was a fortune, and you could just about live on it, but then again three dollars an hour was good pay. Great piece, Jay, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the tale.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Much obliged, Sibhus. I'm happy this resonated with you. I need to get started on chapter 3. The first two were blog posts, written a few years ago. Now I need to squeeze out time to write original chapters.
Comment from JTStone
That's a cool tale. I couldn't remember the seventies though I know I was alive. How can you remember the sixties so well?
I do remember wax paper wrapped sandwiches, metal trash cans and MG Midgets.
Nicely written, entertaining and easy to read. What more could anyone ask for.
JT
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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That's a cool tale. I couldn't remember the seventies though I know I was alive. How can you remember the sixties so well?
I do remember wax paper wrapped sandwiches, metal trash cans and MG Midgets.
Nicely written, entertaining and easy to read. What more could anyone ask for.
JT
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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I have huge gaps in my memory. I remember well enough the day to day stuff, but have trouble with the timeline. Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Mark Twain words are more often than not genius. I enjoyed reading this installment of your critter tales. I speak volumes of what life was like. To be honest I feel things, even though some did need to be politically corrected, were much better back then,
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Mark Twain words are more often than not genius. I enjoyed reading this installment of your critter tales. I speak volumes of what life was like. To be honest I feel things, even though some did need to be politically corrected, were much better back then,
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Much was better back then. Or am I just staring out the window blankly and wishing. Thank you so much, Barbara. You are one of my most faithful readers.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, jay, you did an excellent job writing this chapter of being down and out in san Antonio. I like the part about your father giving you some money even though they were stretched in their budget too. did you mean she grated potatoes instead of graded potatoes?
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, jay, you did an excellent job writing this chapter of being down and out in san Antonio. I like the part about your father giving you some money even though they were stretched in their budget too. did you mean she grated potatoes instead of graded potatoes?
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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THanks so much, Sweetwoodjax. Oh, I see where you got that. No, she graded potatoes. Separated the good ones from the next grade to the lowest, worst grade.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Jay. I am so sorry that I am so far behind and have probably missed a few of your posts. This is a great littler story of struggling to survive in the big wide world, including the Mongoloid idiot (I haven't heard that for a long time.) I'll try and catch up to y'all in the not too distant future. Well done Sir, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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G'day Jay. I am so sorry that I am so far behind and have probably missed a few of your posts. This is a great littler story of struggling to survive in the big wide world, including the Mongoloid idiot (I haven't heard that for a long time.) I'll try and catch up to y'all in the not too distant future. Well done Sir, cheers Fez
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Fez. It's impossible to catch up. Don't worry about it. Nothing earth shattering anyway. I just appreciate your stopping by.
Comment from mfowler
I really enjoyed this reminisce. You two sounded like a pair of desperadoes. Straddling heaters in turn to get a blow of hot air. Not so sexy Marilyn Monroes, I suspect. You describe the encounter with the Mongolian idiot with a lovely blend of self effacing humour and mischief. The chant amused you. The description of the kid stuck in the bag was precious. I remember calling Downs Syndrome people, Mongoloid. Have to watch my tongue even now. Ignorance is no salve for insensitivity any more. The adventures of you two young adventure seekers is a reminder of youth, a gentle tale of struggling with little money or clear purpose, and a good read all round.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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I really enjoyed this reminisce. You two sounded like a pair of desperadoes. Straddling heaters in turn to get a blow of hot air. Not so sexy Marilyn Monroes, I suspect. You describe the encounter with the Mongolian idiot with a lovely blend of self effacing humour and mischief. The chant amused you. The description of the kid stuck in the bag was precious. I remember calling Downs Syndrome people, Mongoloid. Have to watch my tongue even now. Ignorance is no salve for insensitivity any more. The adventures of you two young adventure seekers is a reminder of youth, a gentle tale of struggling with little money or clear purpose, and a good read all round.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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So happy you enjoyed this, Mark. I'll have to get started on the next chapter.
Comment from Tpa
I enjoyed your story, your flow of words and the delightful voice the narrative gives.
May I offer a few suggestions:
your first sentence 'Looking back ... is rather long (50 wds) avg length-18-25 maybe reducing it into shorter sentences-easy on the eyes
Same with "After such interruptions---34 word
vague words ; Anyway could be eliminated in the sentence beginning Truth be known
also vague word about in sentence -So, if that true, could end just "what was she not kidding?
Enjoyed the read, especially Twain's quote. I think everyone could justify to that.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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I enjoyed your story, your flow of words and the delightful voice the narrative gives.
May I offer a few suggestions:
your first sentence 'Looking back ... is rather long (50 wds) avg length-18-25 maybe reducing it into shorter sentences-easy on the eyes
Same with "After such interruptions---34 word
vague words ; Anyway could be eliminated in the sentence beginning Truth be known
also vague word about in sentence -So, if that true, could end just "what was she not kidding?
Enjoyed the read, especially Twain's quote. I think everyone could justify to that.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your intelligent crit, TPa. Of course you may offer suggestions. That's why I'm here. My style is kind of rambly. And I must admit to a partiality to the long sentence. But I take all suggestions very seriously and will see about shortening some of the longer sentences.
Comment from --Turtle.
Journal Entry, Feb. 7, 1962
very, veh-ree broke.
( I like the tone and pace of your journal entries of your experiences. The voice of your writing has a come sit and listen, and hither aspect that is pleasing. I tend to read for the curiosity of what happened and in finding these relatable milestones, experiences, and reminiscing interesting. I don't think myself all that interesting, my cakewalk journey of life has been a matter of one foot inside my own head. I've never heard the term Mongolian idiot before, you did a decent job of presenting that in a texture of the time and life's setup. )
Now because I can't help myself, I really don't think I can... I'm going to point out my thoughts as I read. Some of these thoughts are arbitrary, and I don't think as in any order of importance or significance.
sight of my Mom, slipped me a bill--I think, now, it was a twenty, but it might
(I thought... my mom. I call my mom, Mom. That's my mom. When are we visiting Mom? the pronoun tends to change if it's capitalized or not. See... not significant thoughts, but it happened, and then the thoughts start coming out.)
Marty turned to me(,) and spontaneously, we erupted into a fit of laughter. Head
(I had the urge to suggest this comma, in symmetry to the introductory tone of the other comma... )
I didn't know she was a Mongolian Idiot(,) and I'd started laughing before I found
(I wondered here... I hadn't known? Because at some point you described she was? and this reflection was after that point.)
I tended to erect between me and anything unfamiliar.
(this moment was a very human and I don't really have the words to describe it, but I envisioned the laughter, the awkward shift in realization, the familiar relating to between Marty and a stranger that goes beyond words.)
I didn't know she was a Mongolian Idiot."
(here I think the I didn't know worked, because it was in context to the moment in a speaking)
English version of her chant would have been "I'm not Kidding". So if that's true,
("I'm not kidding"? See, can't help myself. I thought, why capitalize Kidding.)
And it always conjures up images of reckless youth, adventure and boundless dreams.
(A strong end to this non-fiction telling. It's amazing how little moments in time can solidify in the brain and leave an emotional residue. Like in that moment, some sort of string is tied back to a collection of states, and it doesn't go away, and it doesn't have a solid footing to explain on all the levels that it deserves. It just is. In it's retelling, I think that there are enough elements of living and struggle that readers can relate to and pull out bits of their own emotional residues.
Not sure I'm of much use here, but I did enjoy reading through this posting.
Turtle.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Journal Entry, Feb. 7, 1962
very, veh-ree broke.
( I like the tone and pace of your journal entries of your experiences. The voice of your writing has a come sit and listen, and hither aspect that is pleasing. I tend to read for the curiosity of what happened and in finding these relatable milestones, experiences, and reminiscing interesting. I don't think myself all that interesting, my cakewalk journey of life has been a matter of one foot inside my own head. I've never heard the term Mongolian idiot before, you did a decent job of presenting that in a texture of the time and life's setup. )
Now because I can't help myself, I really don't think I can... I'm going to point out my thoughts as I read. Some of these thoughts are arbitrary, and I don't think as in any order of importance or significance.
sight of my Mom, slipped me a bill--I think, now, it was a twenty, but it might
(I thought... my mom. I call my mom, Mom. That's my mom. When are we visiting Mom? the pronoun tends to change if it's capitalized or not. See... not significant thoughts, but it happened, and then the thoughts start coming out.)
Marty turned to me(,) and spontaneously, we erupted into a fit of laughter. Head
(I had the urge to suggest this comma, in symmetry to the introductory tone of the other comma... )
I didn't know she was a Mongolian Idiot(,) and I'd started laughing before I found
(I wondered here... I hadn't known? Because at some point you described she was? and this reflection was after that point.)
I tended to erect between me and anything unfamiliar.
(this moment was a very human and I don't really have the words to describe it, but I envisioned the laughter, the awkward shift in realization, the familiar relating to between Marty and a stranger that goes beyond words.)
I didn't know she was a Mongolian Idiot."
(here I think the I didn't know worked, because it was in context to the moment in a speaking)
English version of her chant would have been "I'm not Kidding". So if that's true,
("I'm not kidding"? See, can't help myself. I thought, why capitalize Kidding.)
And it always conjures up images of reckless youth, adventure and boundless dreams.
(A strong end to this non-fiction telling. It's amazing how little moments in time can solidify in the brain and leave an emotional residue. Like in that moment, some sort of string is tied back to a collection of states, and it doesn't go away, and it doesn't have a solid footing to explain on all the levels that it deserves. It just is. In it's retelling, I think that there are enough elements of living and struggle that readers can relate to and pull out bits of their own emotional residues.
Not sure I'm of much use here, but I did enjoy reading through this posting.
Turtle.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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You've made a big difference in this post, Turtle. You always do. I made several of the changes you suggested. I don't know about the capitalizing of mom and dad. I always have a problem with "titles" I definitely didn't intend to cap "Kidding". That was odd.
Certainly glad to have you stop by. You are a valuable asset!