The Sting
Rhyme scheme after a poem by Oscar Wilde21 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Dear Tony
What a glorious poem. Please get it published...
I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your philandering bee and the dire consequences.
You use some exceedingly clever double meanings here that put many a good poet to shame.
I have tried similar if you remember about the blue-bell and the lily of the valley. We had a challenge.
If this particular poem had been the contender then I would have been thrashed on the spot :)
A deserving six if ever I saw a poem as good.
Much love
tracey :)
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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Dear Tony
What a glorious poem. Please get it published...
I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your philandering bee and the dire consequences.
You use some exceedingly clever double meanings here that put many a good poet to shame.
I have tried similar if you remember about the blue-bell and the lily of the valley. We had a challenge.
If this particular poem had been the contender then I would have been thrashed on the spot :)
A deserving six if ever I saw a poem as good.
Much love
tracey :)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this, Tracey, and for your generous award of six stars. I'm hoping to publish another book of poems early in the New Year, and will be submitting this one for inclusion.
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You're most welcome, Tony. Please give details on how to obtain the last book.
Kind regards
tracey
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The last book is available via Amazon. If you go to my profile page, there is a link to it on the right-hand side, down at the bottom of the page. There is a Kindle version and a paperback.
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Kindle! eek...
Okay, well if you ever bring out a paper version, lemme know :)
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It is published via Amazon in hard copy as well as Kindle. Best wishes, Tony
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Ah! okay. I will check it out :)
Cheers you
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I presume that it should be where it says 'In print'
There is nothing there, Tony. I went right to the bottom of the page...
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Odd... it shows up when I look. The short link is http://goo.gl/VouNXY
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I shall copy this, but you may want to get that checked, Tony as it is totally blank to me...
Comment from MSJVClarke
This was a lovely poem indeed. It was easy to read, you words flowed smoothly. I liked the subtle passion and the tone of your poem. It was an interesting rhyme scheme. You title fit well. Great poem! You are an excellent poet.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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This was a lovely poem indeed. It was easy to read, you words flowed smoothly. I liked the subtle passion and the tone of your poem. It was an interesting rhyme scheme. You title fit well. Great poem! You are an excellent poet.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Many thanks for your kind review and generous award of six stars. Very much appreciated! Tony.
Comment from Treischel
A very passionate poem of innuendo about abuse. Your Oscar Wilde mimicry was excellent. The message tragic, yet artfully well and beautifully don't.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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A very passionate poem of innuendo about abuse. Your Oscar Wilde mimicry was excellent. The message tragic, yet artfully well and beautifully don't.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Tom. Appreciated! Tony.
Comment from I am Cat
Tony... oh Tony... this just makes me woozy... ;)
it has such a lovely, lilting sway about it...
one in which a love might have after a few glasses
of champagne... lying by the pool or oceanside
on sunny day, to rise and walk along the sand,
glass in hand, waves lapping at my ankles...
laughter, lazy about my lips...
ah yes...
but I digress....
;)
my.... but you are a sensual creature, aren't you?
*smiles*
I'd been away in drunken flight,
side-slipping, sipping, life carousing,
strewing gardens with delight,
wings spread in sunshine, softly drowsing,
you espousing,
as I lingered, drinking light,
out of sight,
(*heavy sigh*... oh my... what a delightful way of spending the day...
'wings spread in the sunshine... softly drowsing... you espousing...
as I lingered, drinking light')
thinking you would come to me,
with your swaying lovers' hips
tempting thus the humble bee
to light upon the labial lips,
taking sips
of honeyed dreams, upon a sea
of ecstasy.
(wow, this just blew me away
(no pun intended ;)
light upon labial lips... taking sips,
of honeyed dreams(,) upon a sea of ecstasy
(i'm not sure why the comma is there?)
'Yet you took a different pathway,
spreading stamens of desire
when you heard another voice pray
with subtle tempting words of fire.
He was a liar
when he plucked you from the clay
to have his way.
(oh how could you? tempting words of fire... he was a liar....)
'Too late I came upon that placement
where you lay drooping, as I found,
behind a flyblown cottage casement,
petals falling on the ground
without a sound
to signify the sad abasement
your cutting lent. ;
(and then... *sigh*... it was over as quickly as it started...
I hate it when that happens.... *wilt* :(
Another lovely and oh so 100 star worthy poem from you Tony...
and, alas, I've nothing to offer but this measly five... and my
paltry words of praise... oh, but wait... *pulls from behind me....
a lone blossom.... ripe with pollination... picked, plucked,
presented...
perfection.
Just as this poem, itself...
most definitely....
is.
;)
Well done, Tony...
yet again.
Cat
A Virtual 100 Shooting Stars to cast above your world, to remind you...
you walk amongst them.
;)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Tony... oh Tony... this just makes me woozy... ;)
it has such a lovely, lilting sway about it...
one in which a love might have after a few glasses
of champagne... lying by the pool or oceanside
on sunny day, to rise and walk along the sand,
glass in hand, waves lapping at my ankles...
laughter, lazy about my lips...
ah yes...
but I digress....
;)
my.... but you are a sensual creature, aren't you?
*smiles*
I'd been away in drunken flight,
side-slipping, sipping, life carousing,
strewing gardens with delight,
wings spread in sunshine, softly drowsing,
you espousing,
as I lingered, drinking light,
out of sight,
(*heavy sigh*... oh my... what a delightful way of spending the day...
'wings spread in the sunshine... softly drowsing... you espousing...
as I lingered, drinking light')
thinking you would come to me,
with your swaying lovers' hips
tempting thus the humble bee
to light upon the labial lips,
taking sips
of honeyed dreams, upon a sea
of ecstasy.
(wow, this just blew me away
(no pun intended ;)
light upon labial lips... taking sips,
of honeyed dreams(,) upon a sea of ecstasy
(i'm not sure why the comma is there?)
'Yet you took a different pathway,
spreading stamens of desire
when you heard another voice pray
with subtle tempting words of fire.
He was a liar
when he plucked you from the clay
to have his way.
(oh how could you? tempting words of fire... he was a liar....)
'Too late I came upon that placement
where you lay drooping, as I found,
behind a flyblown cottage casement,
petals falling on the ground
without a sound
to signify the sad abasement
your cutting lent. ;
(and then... *sigh*... it was over as quickly as it started...
I hate it when that happens.... *wilt* :(
Another lovely and oh so 100 star worthy poem from you Tony...
and, alas, I've nothing to offer but this measly five... and my
paltry words of praise... oh, but wait... *pulls from behind me....
a lone blossom.... ripe with pollination... picked, plucked,
presented...
perfection.
Just as this poem, itself...
most definitely....
is.
;)
Well done, Tony...
yet again.
Cat
A Virtual 100 Shooting Stars to cast above your world, to remind you...
you walk amongst them.
;)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Lone blossom and shooting stars so much better than a FanStory six! I should be making a collection of your reviews so that I can gaze, Narcissus-like, at the reflected glory whenever I feel like quitting.
Comment from ravenblack
Great extended metaphor and full use of the poetic toolbox- how could I not reward you with a six. Side slipping,sipping, life carousing- I can picture the bee joyously bumbling around, just doing what bees do. And sowing his pleasures wherever the winds carry him, the philandering bee looses sight/takes for granted the one he most desires...and another " deflowers" her (labial lips), takes her for his own where she is left to drop her petals. Such a revamp of the classic carpe diem poems. Excellent!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
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Great extended metaphor and full use of the poetic toolbox- how could I not reward you with a six. Side slipping,sipping, life carousing- I can picture the bee joyously bumbling around, just doing what bees do. And sowing his pleasures wherever the winds carry him, the philandering bee looses sight/takes for granted the one he most desires...and another " deflowers" her (labial lips), takes her for his own where she is left to drop her petals. Such a revamp of the classic carpe diem poems. Excellent!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
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Thanks for this great review, Ed, and for the six stars. Greatly appreciated! Tony
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Nice sensual poem that describes flowers as sexy, needing male pollen.
I am guessing it is about a lover's disagreement, stung by the hurt of unfaithfulness. Good descriptions and rhyming.
~Gypsy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
Nice sensual poem that describes flowers as sexy, needing male pollen.
I am guessing it is about a lover's disagreement, stung by the hurt of unfaithfulness. Good descriptions and rhyming.
~Gypsy
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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Many thanks for taking the time to review my poem, GBR. Much appreciated. Tony
Comment from krys123
Tony;
-I started reading this poem the day before and I read it again to get a fresher look on the motions, feelings and concept of your writing. Your metaphorical imagery supposedly to be exquisitely expressive and vividly descriptive was really strong emotions of misplaced desires: "Yet you took a different pathway, spreading stamens(Alliteration) of desire when you heard another voice pray with subtle tempting words of fire. He was a liar when he plucked you from the clay to have his way." I predicted that this abuse of a relationship was a taste of a forbidden fruit That in turn obnoxiously set love's game afoot. I like the fact that you used your self is the stinging bee.
-Rhyming is done very well Tony in each of your rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
-The rhythmic cadence, timing and tempo were helpful in making your reading clear, fluid and easy.
-A devilish resentment of love truly encased in a rotten core of an Apple or the blossoms thereof.
-Thank you for sharing and posting this Tony and may the good Lord be with you forever.
Alex
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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Tony;
-I started reading this poem the day before and I read it again to get a fresher look on the motions, feelings and concept of your writing. Your metaphorical imagery supposedly to be exquisitely expressive and vividly descriptive was really strong emotions of misplaced desires: "Yet you took a different pathway, spreading stamens(Alliteration) of desire when you heard another voice pray with subtle tempting words of fire. He was a liar when he plucked you from the clay to have his way." I predicted that this abuse of a relationship was a taste of a forbidden fruit That in turn obnoxiously set love's game afoot. I like the fact that you used your self is the stinging bee.
-Rhyming is done very well Tony in each of your rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
-The rhythmic cadence, timing and tempo were helpful in making your reading clear, fluid and easy.
-A devilish resentment of love truly encased in a rotten core of an Apple or the blossoms thereof.
-Thank you for sharing and posting this Tony and may the good Lord be with you forever.
Alex
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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Many thanks for taking the time to review my poem, Alex. Your comments and interpretation are absolutely spot-on. It's great when someone understands what I hoped to be communicating. Much appreciated. Tony
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You are very welcome Tony and I enjoyed reading your writing.
Alex
Comment from kiwijenny
This is great...
That flowers are just sexy ..needing male pollen to consummate
Loved it ..flyblown casement ...evocative imagery...
Well penned
God bless
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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This is great...
That flowers are just sexy ..needing male pollen to consummate
Loved it ..flyblown casement ...evocative imagery...
Well penned
God bless
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Jenny. Just a little poem about the birds and the bees - and missed opportunities. Tragic consequences all round!
Comment from Nosha17
I guess, a lover's disagreement, stung by the hurt of unfaithfulness. Good use of metaphorical language, excellent descriptions and rhyming. One thing, verse 2, your swaying lover's hips (only one lover). Lovely image to complement and most enjoyable. faye
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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I guess, a lover's disagreement, stung by the hurt of unfaithfulness. Good use of metaphorical language, excellent descriptions and rhyming. One thing, verse 2, your swaying lover's hips (only one lover). Lovely image to complement and most enjoyable. faye
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Many thanks for reviewing this, Faye. I had in mind loss of opportunity rather than disagreement. The philandering bee chose to play the field as it were, and the result was tragic, especially for the beautiful flower, cut off in her prime. I appreciate your adice about the apostrophe and in most circumstances I would agree. However, I placed the apostrophe to indicate the plural as I had not intended the line to be read as the hips of a specific lover but, rather, hips such as lovers have.
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi i could feel a certain rage or anger behind this writing. So well written ,hiding it all the way. You have tried, but some got the better and too late when you discovered what happened. It is a beautiful wring ,going to a point already thought of.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Hi i could feel a certain rage or anger behind this writing. So well written ,hiding it all the way. You have tried, but some got the better and too late when you discovered what happened. It is a beautiful wring ,going to a point already thought of.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Benny. I imagine that, as you suggest, the philandering bee regretted his choice and was angered by its consequence.
