Reviews from

haiku (football sized pumpkins)

Autumn

6 total reviews 
Comment from Domino 2
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Great fun, off the wall words in your profile.

With respect, maybe write 'tough (space) down', as on first glance I read 'leaves' as 'OMITS' in the context, if that makes any sense. Mind you, I can be dim at times.

Very original and entertaining haiku.

Best wishes, Ray.


 Comment Written 05-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
    Thanks Ray for the review .... I did change touch down after pondering outer Mongolia for about a month and two days...
    the leaves suggestion passed by my mechanical brain fluid and left the stadium... you take care and stay out of the fog... bill
Comment from pickmeplease
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Really enjoyed your haiku about autumn. I'm a purist so I liked the 5-7-5 syllables. Great use of double meanings....leaves touchdown and winter loses yards. I wonder if football sized should be hyphenated? Good luck.

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
    well let me see.... 1st the 6 stars is really nice and sweet...

    double meanings? "what ever do you mean," me play with words, "not me. I'm in my prime."

    6 stars go to you for pointing that out... I like to twist and combine thoughts or ideas, so that it
    shows many faces and read backwards or forwards. This one just seem to fall into place ...

    size, sized, sized'.... you got me.... I do not do well with that kind of stuff nor commas, for which I am the worse...

    Anyway, thanks one again for the rating, and your review... Mr. Pumpkin Head



Comment from l.raven
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

sounds like you watch football...this is one of the most wonderful times of the year...pumpkin pie...beautiful colors...and football...

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    Only college football, and that is if my team, Marshall in Huntington W V, is playing (and winning:-)... Thanks for your review and rating.... take care.... Mr. Pumpkin Head
reply by l.raven on 02-Sep-2015
    HI Mr, Pumpkins Head, my family goes pro...and do not disturb when watching...LOL...you are so welcome...and you take care as well...luff xxoo
Comment from vapros
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Great imagination here, and it looks like a winner for certain. But I may submit an entry, also, just for fun. You have posted a notable haiku - good work, and deserving of my best grade. I would not change a word.

v

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    Thanks for the stars and kind comments... How Sweet...

    Yes I too just did this for fun as I find these a bit of a challenge and treat it like math, by connecting words or numbers... Take care... Mr/Mrs/Ms Pumpkin Head
Comment from kiwijenny
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hmmmm I am dreaming of creamy pumpkin soup...yum
And football in the fall...and laughter down the hall and a trip in October to see the leaves before they fall
Yep your poem says it all
God bless

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    Stop it already, you are making me hungry too! Thanks for the nice review and rating... Mr/Mrs/Ms Pumpkin Head
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Evidently you caught on pretty quick! This is much better and I'm raising my rating!

***

Wonderful and witty haiku on the OTHER things that come with autumn!!

My only note is that you don't have two lines grammatically connected...?

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    grammatically connected? Forgive me as I do not know this stuff, but did consult another who said, "where's the problem."
    So please help so I might learn by correcting by example... Thank you for your review and comments... Mr/Mrs/Ms. Pumpkin Head
reply by robyn corum on 02-Sep-2015

    Dear M/M/M,

    See Rule #5, listed below to help.

    Though you have a firm grasp of the hardest part of wrangling these wily creatures, this is another point that can trip you up every time! They're slippery, it's true! Stay with it. This is a 'contenda'!! *smile*


    5) two lines of inter-connected and grammatically flowing imagery (written as ONE sentence over two lines), plus a satori line ('ah-ha' moment). Satori may be 1st or 3rd
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    well I rearranged a bit... thanks
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
    Thanks.... I changed it again... tee hee