Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 79 "'Head Talk'"Poems /stories on Fanstory
16 total reviews
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi Chrissy, This was a neat addition to spotlighting an ode to devote to head talk. The uninvited chat from that which we wish to cap; ourselves. Sometimes we listen, but other times try to block. That's what I liked most about your poem. Cheers.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Hi Chrissy, This was a neat addition to spotlighting an ode to devote to head talk. The uninvited chat from that which we wish to cap; ourselves. Sometimes we listen, but other times try to block. That's what I liked most about your poem. Cheers.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thanks Benjamin for reading and reviewing my poem glad you liked it and it is good that we can choose to ignore the HT when we want to and listen other times. Helps to have a chat about it . Cheers Christine😀
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I really enjoyed this one. We all have that little voice or voices that chatter away inside us and you express the experience beautifully in this well penned piece. I thin we would all be in some serious trouble if the 'head talk' ever got said out loud LOL. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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I really enjoyed this one. We all have that little voice or voices that chatter away inside us and you express the experience beautifully in this well penned piece. I thin we would all be in some serious trouble if the 'head talk' ever got said out loud LOL. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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thanks Monica for your review and yes it would be interesting at time it the HT became public lol glad you thought it nicely penned again for you support .Cheers Christine😀
Comment from Pantygynt
Well I wouldn't be me without it. I answer it back and hold lengthy conversations with it. I couldn't write without it, I couldn't review without it so. Maybe it came to me first because I was an only child, and it comes to me now because I live alone, and its presence ensures that I am never lonely. So I can't understand why you consider you are "suffering" from it.
A couple of points regarding the poesy and one typo in the notes. Typo first:
"... when you stop to listen to(o) the different..." You need to lose the second "o" of "too".
You have used the verb "to do" as an auxiliary three times in this poem; the instances are set down here:
1. You keep your idle chatter up, distracting I do find
2. My thoughts can get real scrambled, no sense at times do make
3. Slow down you say, I know I must, these thoughts do try to block.
In 1. above the use of "do" is fully justified. It has a purpose here (emphasis) other than being there to keep the rhythm regular. Although we might normally say "I find that distracting" if we want to emphasize we often add the do.
In 2. above however the do is there purely to force the rhythm (we need a word there on that beat). We don't speak normally like that and so the do feels awkward. We need to find a single syllable that will make sense and sound normal. In this case may I suggest "they" rather ther than do.
In 3. above the situation is unclear is Head Talk actually telling to block these thoughts or is it you who is thinking that you must. Some inverted commas here will help e.g.
"Slow down" you say, I know I must, "these thoughts do try to block."
If the 'you' is saying "these thoughts do try to block" then the 'do' is fine but I think the last part of the line is reflective, the 'I' is knowing it. The line should then be punctuated.
"Slow down" you say. I know I must, these thoughts do try to block. Then the do is clumsy and only there to force the rhythm. Might I suggest the following could be the tidiest solution all round.
"Slow down" you say. I know I must; these thoughts I'll try to block.
It is true that Shakespeare and the romantic poets use all the parts of the verb to do as an auxiliary for the purpose of forcing the rhythm but, unless you are making a conscious attempt to imitate their style, and you are not, it is generally held that it is no longer an acceptable style. I have to say though that there are several people on this site who may argue to the contrary but I am merely pointing out what has been told to me by many university lecturers in the subject.
I hope you will accept these points as they are intended to help rather than damn your work.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Well I wouldn't be me without it. I answer it back and hold lengthy conversations with it. I couldn't write without it, I couldn't review without it so. Maybe it came to me first because I was an only child, and it comes to me now because I live alone, and its presence ensures that I am never lonely. So I can't understand why you consider you are "suffering" from it.
A couple of points regarding the poesy and one typo in the notes. Typo first:
"... when you stop to listen to(o) the different..." You need to lose the second "o" of "too".
You have used the verb "to do" as an auxiliary three times in this poem; the instances are set down here:
1. You keep your idle chatter up, distracting I do find
2. My thoughts can get real scrambled, no sense at times do make
3. Slow down you say, I know I must, these thoughts do try to block.
In 1. above the use of "do" is fully justified. It has a purpose here (emphasis) other than being there to keep the rhythm regular. Although we might normally say "I find that distracting" if we want to emphasize we often add the do.
In 2. above however the do is there purely to force the rhythm (we need a word there on that beat). We don't speak normally like that and so the do feels awkward. We need to find a single syllable that will make sense and sound normal. In this case may I suggest "they" rather ther than do.
In 3. above the situation is unclear is Head Talk actually telling to block these thoughts or is it you who is thinking that you must. Some inverted commas here will help e.g.
"Slow down" you say, I know I must, "these thoughts do try to block."
If the 'you' is saying "these thoughts do try to block" then the 'do' is fine but I think the last part of the line is reflective, the 'I' is knowing it. The line should then be punctuated.
"Slow down" you say. I know I must, these thoughts do try to block. Then the do is clumsy and only there to force the rhythm. Might I suggest the following could be the tidiest solution all round.
"Slow down" you say. I know I must; these thoughts I'll try to block.
It is true that Shakespeare and the romantic poets use all the parts of the verb to do as an auxiliary for the purpose of forcing the rhythm but, unless you are making a conscious attempt to imitate their style, and you are not, it is generally held that it is no longer an acceptable style. I have to say though that there are several people on this site who may argue to the contrary but I am merely pointing out what has been told to me by many university lecturers in the subject.
I hope you will accept these points as they are intended to help rather than damn your work.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Wow Thanks you so much Pantygynt for your great critique of my poem and I do accept your wise words and will make the appropriate changes. I am always willing to listen to advice and appreciate you taking the time to let me know where I can improve this poem . I probably shouldn't have used the word suffer either as I don't think Head Talk is bad just busy and yes you are quite right without it we wouldn't be who we are. So once again thanks for pointing that out. I am glad of your help and at any time please feel free to give me your advice so it is accepted with pleasure. Cheers Christine😃
Comment from MsPetra
I understand where you are coming from.
I like your poem. You said a lot with these words.
Your rhyme and meter are excellent.
You really got across what it's like to deal with this issue. You can't turn it off.
Sometimes it can be stressing to deal with.
You also dealt with it in a positive way. That's it. Do whatever you need to, just get through the day.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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I understand where you are coming from.
I like your poem. You said a lot with these words.
Your rhyme and meter are excellent.
You really got across what it's like to deal with this issue. You can't turn it off.
Sometimes it can be stressing to deal with.
You also dealt with it in a positive way. That's it. Do whatever you need to, just get through the day.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Thank you MsPetra for a great review and positive comments for this poem. I think we all have a degree of HT and it gets busy at times but I just go with the flow can't do much else. It can be quite therapeutic at times to 'have a chat' with ones self as long as you don't answered in public lol Cheers Christine😃
Comment from TAB_that's me
Our minds go constantly and mine is often crazy thinking. Why? I don't know - lol. It is hard but good to still our minds through nature or meditation.
I loved your poem. Seems you were looking inside my mind when you wrote it:)
Teresa
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Our minds go constantly and mine is often crazy thinking. Why? I don't know - lol. It is hard but good to still our minds through nature or meditation.
I loved your poem. Seems you were looking inside my mind when you wrote it:)
Teresa
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Thank you Teresa for your great review and comments. I'm sure there are a lot of us out there with this infliction lol but can't do anything about it but settle it down if getting out of hand . Glad you loved my Head Talk Cheers Christine😃
Comment from pharp
My goodness Christine, Wow did you aced this poem. The rhyming, the rhythm, the smooth flow made for the most clear and enjoyable read. I had to laugh because it reminds me of the many time I received "Head Talk, and I like the name you have given it. My head talks comes and tries to bring back memories of things I have forgiven people for, so it is indeed a battle within trying to deter me from the goodness God has placed in my heart. I actually talk back and refuse to allow that voice within to take be back to the use to be. You are not alone. You did an excellent job, you held my attention from the beginning to the ending. I am sure many can relate to this great poem. Thanks so much for sharing. Blessings...............................Portia
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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My goodness Christine, Wow did you aced this poem. The rhyming, the rhythm, the smooth flow made for the most clear and enjoyable read. I had to laugh because it reminds me of the many time I received "Head Talk, and I like the name you have given it. My head talks comes and tries to bring back memories of things I have forgiven people for, so it is indeed a battle within trying to deter me from the goodness God has placed in my heart. I actually talk back and refuse to allow that voice within to take be back to the use to be. You are not alone. You did an excellent job, you held my attention from the beginning to the ending. I am sure many can relate to this great poem. Thanks so much for sharing. Blessings...............................Portia
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Hi Portia .This one came to me when I said to a friend that since I joined FS my mind never seems still and named it Head Talk and then I started thinking about what that meant and so this came out lol So glad you stopped by to have a read and I a, glad to know I am not the only one ha ha With many Thanks and Cheers Christine😄
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A very interesting topic you chose with artwork to illustrate it.
-It seems many people have head talk, sometimes its good, and sometimes a nuisance!
- It can be about the most trivial things or something you just need to jot down for that poem you're writing.
-You express ideas about it very well.
-I particularly like these lines:
* "You come in uninvited and chat to me all day."
* "Cause I can never get away, because you're really me."
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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-A very interesting topic you chose with artwork to illustrate it.
-It seems many people have head talk, sometimes its good, and sometimes a nuisance!
- It can be about the most trivial things or something you just need to jot down for that poem you're writing.
-You express ideas about it very well.
-I particularly like these lines:
* "You come in uninvited and chat to me all day."
* "Cause I can never get away, because you're really me."
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Thanks respa1 for reading this poem and for your lovely comments and yes at times it is busy but I am pleased you thought I expressed this well. Thanks for your encouraging words. Cheers Christine😃
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You are very welcome for the review and I appreciate your comments about it.
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Cheers
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has to listen to that noise all day. And earplugs won't help! Meditation does seem to help, but that's not always possible with a busy life and too many interuptions. Sometimes I actually do come up with something creative.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has to listen to that noise all day. And earplugs won't help! Meditation does seem to help, but that's not always possible with a busy life and too many interuptions. Sometimes I actually do come up with something creative.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Hi Cindy yes a bit annoying this HT but I guess everyone has it ha ha and so I.m not alone. Yes it does help with being creative at times and as long as it helps I use it to my advantage. Thanks heaps for reading this creation, I really appreciate you doing so .with Cheers Christine😀
Comment from Tessa Kay
Head Talk is the worst, when you're trying to sleep and your brain just won't rest.
I'm trying to force myself to think of nothing. Sometimes it works, mostly, it doesn't.
A very interesting topic for a poem, well developed.
One thing I noticed, you use 'then' quite a bit (I think 6 times in this poem). Maybe change it up a bit?
But I very much enjoyed reading this interesting poem. Well done. :)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Head Talk is the worst, when you're trying to sleep and your brain just won't rest.
I'm trying to force myself to think of nothing. Sometimes it works, mostly, it doesn't.
A very interesting topic for a poem, well developed.
One thing I noticed, you use 'then' quite a bit (I think 6 times in this poem). Maybe change it up a bit?
But I very much enjoyed reading this interesting poem. Well done. :)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Thanks Tessa . Thanks for your review and comments and suggestions. I will have another look and see if I can use a offering word. I will consult my Head Talk Lol with Cheers Christine😃
Comment from dmt1967
This poem is very well written and I suffer from head talk to if you mean hear voices in my head. This is a good description of an illness or is it just a poem? Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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This poem is very well written and I suffer from head talk to if you mean hear voices in my head. This is a good description of an illness or is it just a poem? Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Hi dmt1967 for your reading and review of my poem. No it is not an illness for me it's just my busy mind always having a chat especially when I think about writing. But sometimes in out busy lives put Head Talk can get a bit out of hand. I suppose for some with an illness it could be very distracting. So now only a poem but I thought I might see how other felt about their Head Talk. So thanks for stopping by Cheers Christine😄