Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "A Woman's Angle"All chapters
4 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I don't know what's happening to me: I'm understanding this. LOL, it does seem to have a lot of the subjectivity removed and is speaker tagged when confusion might otherwise result.
I'm going to heaven after all. "How did you know?" [When the POV character is in the 1st person singular, and you are using his introspecion in the present tense (as here)you should italicize. If you are portraying the thoughts in the past tense, i.e., "I WAS going to heaven after all" then you don't italicize.]
"You don't want to direct, did you?" [...don't want to direct, DO you?"]
"Is that the way it's done? [No closed quote.]
No need to apologize for the length. It flowed! I UNDERSTOOD IT! LOL, sorry, Marv, but this reads so smoothly now.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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I don't know what's happening to me: I'm understanding this. LOL, it does seem to have a lot of the subjectivity removed and is speaker tagged when confusion might otherwise result.
I'm going to heaven after all. "How did you know?" [When the POV character is in the 1st person singular, and you are using his introspecion in the present tense (as here)you should italicize. If you are portraying the thoughts in the past tense, i.e., "I WAS going to heaven after all" then you don't italicize.]
"You don't want to direct, did you?" [...don't want to direct, DO you?"]
"Is that the way it's done? [No closed quote.]
No need to apologize for the length. It flowed! I UNDERSTOOD IT! LOL, sorry, Marv, but this reads so smoothly now.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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I'm honestly glad that you understood this chapter. The previous chapter was lacking. Thanks to you, speaker tags (the things I used to call: ?Who struck John?'s?) are on my check list.
I can't get italics to work on my submission. I'll ask FanStory how to do it.
?don't want to direct, did you? & (2) close quotes have been corrected. Glad you pointed them out.
I'm happy that you said it flowed. Just keep laughing and we'll both be happy.
I understand what you're saying and trying to say and I'm not LOLing. I am smiling, though. Thanks for the review, your insight and the stars.
I used to think LOL meant Leg of Lamb.
Comment from barkingdog
It didn't feel long at all, Marvin. The dialogue ran quickly. Very natural flow to it. Whiny voice and all.(loved that description--I could hear him.)
It looks like Russ has found help if Liz produces his play.
I like the way this is coming along.
:) e
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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It didn't feel long at all, Marvin. The dialogue ran quickly. Very natural flow to it. Whiny voice and all.(loved that description--I could hear him.)
It looks like Russ has found help if Liz produces his play.
I like the way this is coming along.
:) e
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thanks for the review. Very nice to hear from you. I appreciate everything you said. Thanks for the compliments and stars.
Marv
Comment from prettybluebirds
Very cleverly written. I loved the whiney voice business. I'm not sure what you mean by seeing what the word loophole will conjure up. Could you explain, please? It was a very funny dialogue between the whiny man and Elizabeth. He sounds like a real con artist. Good work. Look forward to more
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Very cleverly written. I loved the whiney voice business. I'm not sure what you mean by seeing what the word loophole will conjure up. Could you explain, please? It was a very funny dialogue between the whiny man and Elizabeth. He sounds like a real con artist. Good work. Look forward to more
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Pretty
'Look forward to more,' is my favorite part of your review, but thanks for everything_the compliments and the 5 stars.
Explanation: Loophole is the title Russ ?dreamed up' for his latest screenplay. When he mentioned ?Loophole? to Charley, the producer of his first screenplay, he said, ?I know what that's about,? without Russ having to say another word.
The same thing happened with Charles (Don't call him Charley), another producer. Russ thinks the title, ?Loophole,? has almost magical properties. Now he wants to get a woman's reaction to the word.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
This is great, Bill. I enjoyed reading it. You're sticking perfectly to the plot and the character of Russ, his snappy dialogue/thoughts--which you know that I like. This segment is NOT too long. It's just right. You picked a logical place to stop. Now that you're on a roll again--keep it going. Good job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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This is great, Bill. I enjoyed reading it. You're sticking perfectly to the plot and the character of Russ, his snappy dialogue/thoughts--which you know that I like. This segment is NOT too long. It's just right. You picked a logical place to stop. Now that you're on a roll again--keep it going. Good job. Marilyn
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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You're so reassuring and supportive. Thanks for your review.
Glad to hear it's not too long. This chapter continues, but I'll call it Chapter 22. Thanks for the stars.
Marv
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I'll see it when I post or you can e-mail me to let me know when the next one is completed. Marilyn
