An Agnostic In An Avalanche
Short Story13 total reviews
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi. I found your story poem very well written and gripping although, I didn't understand your ending. You asked God to help you, but help you what? to understand? Wish I could help you! Good luck and cheers.
  |
Hi. I found your story poem very well written and gripping although, I didn't understand your ending. You asked God to help you, but help you what? to understand? Wish I could help you! Good luck and cheers.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery Author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, A good write on the love/hate theme of religion, great final line! I wish you all the best in the contest my friend.
|
Hi Mystery Author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, A good write on the love/hate theme of religion, great final line! I wish you all the best in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a very clever story. The prompt words are fitted in seamlessly to the piece.
The title is so true and fitting. How many people start to pray as that last resort. I appreciate the hypocrisy shown here too.
Very nicely done
GMG
|
Hi there,
This is a very clever story. The prompt words are fitted in seamlessly to the piece.
The title is so true and fitting. How many people start to pray as that last resort. I appreciate the hypocrisy shown here too.
Very nicely done
GMG
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
Comment from barkingdog
Congratulations on using all five words in the story of a desparate man, trapped in a cabin under an avalanche.
He questions any being's motive in letting his wife die and him possibly starve to death and then hoping for rescue begins to pray to the one he never believed in--to God.
|
Congratulations on using all five words in the story of a desparate man, trapped in a cabin under an avalanche.
He questions any being's motive in letting his wife die and him possibly starve to death and then hoping for rescue begins to pray to the one he never believed in--to God.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
Comment from Dean Kuch
You know, Mike, I find it quite funny that I've never seen an agnostic or an atheist in a foxhole when the sh!t is hitting the proverbial fan. It's always, "Jesus, please, help me!", or, ""God...if you get us through this, I promise...blah-blah-blah."
I guess the same could be said for agnostics enveloped in an avalanche.
Nice, good luck.
~Dean
|
You know, Mike, I find it quite funny that I've never seen an agnostic or an atheist in a foxhole when the sh!t is hitting the proverbial fan. It's always, "Jesus, please, help me!", or, ""God...if you get us through this, I promise...blah-blah-blah."
I guess the same could be said for agnostics enveloped in an avalanche.
Nice, good luck.
~Dean
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
Funny how agnostics don't believe but ask God to help. I loved this story even though it was very sad. I can't imagine being buried alive. Thank you for sharing. Kudos on a job well done. Best wishes in the contest.
|
Funny how agnostics don't believe but ask God to help. I loved this story even though it was very sad. I can't imagine being buried alive. Thank you for sharing. Kudos on a job well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from LIJ Red
Bobby Sands took 66 days to starve to death, and a snowburied cabin would most likely be an excellent freezer to preserve spousey, but what the hey, your writing is good and the idea is clear and the prompt happy.
|
Bobby Sands took 66 days to starve to death, and a snowburied cabin would most likely be an excellent freezer to preserve spousey, but what the hey, your writing is good and the idea is clear and the prompt happy.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from w.j.debi
This is an engaging read. It is a horrific situation to be in for the character in the story. You manage to let us into his head and his thought process. He blames god for his situation, and also asks for his help. What will he think if he is rescued?
|
This is an engaging read. It is a horrific situation to be in for the character in the story. You manage to let us into his head and his thought process. He blames god for his situation, and also asks for his help. What will he think if he is rescued?
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from Judy Couch
I like the concept addressed in this story. I've often heard that there are no athiests when it is time to die. I do question how long he has been there. It takes a long time for a person to starve to death -- in most cases I think it's at least a couple of months. His wife died of starvation but he didn't lose his phone until 2 days ago. Why hasn't he called for someone to help him in the past couple of months? What about water? I know you were limited as to the number of words, but there are some issues here that need to be addressed.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
|
I like the concept addressed in this story. I've often heard that there are no athiests when it is time to die. I do question how long he has been there. It takes a long time for a person to starve to death -- in most cases I think it's at least a couple of months. His wife died of starvation but he didn't lose his phone until 2 days ago. Why hasn't he called for someone to help him in the past couple of months? What about water? I know you were limited as to the number of words, but there are some issues here that need to be addressed.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
-
Great points! Yes, I'll have to think those through for sure. She should die of something else perhaps and he is just worrying about starvation maybe. I'll give it some more thought. I wasn't focused on that part of the story, but I can see where it could be a distraction. Thanks for the great input. :)
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I love the way you took the theme words and worked them into a believable story. I also liked the way the agnostic sort of blames God for everything, and professes not to be much of a fan, but in the end, asks God for help! Great job,
Rhonda
|
I love the way you took the theme words and worked them into a believable story. I also liked the way the agnostic sort of blames God for everything, and professes not to be much of a fan, but in the end, asks God for help! Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015