senryu(toy boat sits atilt)
senryu prompt6 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Beautifully written...
toy boat sits atilt
within still pond's frozen skin
cold past captures youth
A lovely image in one's mind as we search for the boat in our mind's eye... thinking of our own childhood... and the things we did, and the things which happened to us...
lovely in its vivid telling.
Well done! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Beautifully written...
toy boat sits atilt
within still pond's frozen skin
cold past captures youth
A lovely image in one's mind as we search for the boat in our mind's eye... thinking of our own childhood... and the things we did, and the things which happened to us...
lovely in its vivid telling.
Well done! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hey there I Am Cat. I've missed you. Where have you been? I really like that you read this. You should see what won. Barely a Senryu and very cheesy. About playing scrabble with a grandma. Wow.
Comment from visionary1234
Oh bravo for this gorgeous senryu! Lovely image that stays in the mind ... you could say 'frozen' ... particularly memorable first line! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Oh bravo for this gorgeous senryu! Lovely image that stays in the mind ... you could say 'frozen' ... particularly memorable first line! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hey there! I can't believe you gave me a six! Honestly please don't ever feel inclined, getting a six on a prompt is great! I'm honored. Thank you.
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it was a good one - wasted on this competition though!
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We should play scrabble
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My first son could whop me at 16!
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi. Nice and gentle poem. I liked the use of skin to describe the icy freeze. The cold past captures youth sounds like time being suspended just like the boat is. Good luck and cheers.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hi. Nice and gentle poem. I liked the use of skin to describe the icy freeze. The cold past captures youth sounds like time being suspended just like the boat is. Good luck and cheers.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hey Benjamin thank you!
Comment from ellie6
A descriptive piece of verse. The illustration captures the theme perfectly. The metre is just right and the last line is captivating.
ellie
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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A descriptive piece of verse. The illustration captures the theme perfectly. The metre is just right and the last line is captivating.
ellie
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hi Ellie thank you!
Comment from Nosha17
Often things of the past are captured for posterity in the elements of nature. Great picture and well chosen words. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Often things of the past are captured for posterity in the elements of nature. Great picture and well chosen words. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Hi Nosha thank you so much!
Comment from anabellapongasi
This is a very nice 5-7-5 senryu. Rich in imagery and the few well chosen words cleverly evoke emotion. Great job. Good luck in the contest. Blessings, Anabella
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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This is a very nice 5-7-5 senryu. Rich in imagery and the few well chosen words cleverly evoke emotion. Great job. Good luck in the contest. Blessings, Anabella
Comment Written 14-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Thanks so much!