Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Bill,
This segment is clear and moves right along without sacrificing any of Russ's personality/dialogue traits. With your notes it helps the reader to remember what is happening in the plot. Since this chapter is shorter than some of the others, it will enable you to post more frequently, perhaps, and that will keep your readers in the loop easier and looking for another advancement of the story line--as I will be. Good job. Marilyn

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015

Marilyn
Thank you. I'm glad you think it's clear and that it moves right along. These things usually worry me.
I'll try to send chapters a little faster.
Thanks for the compliments and the rating.
MARV

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Marvin, I'm really sorry, but I can't make head nor tail of what's happening in this. I know you are a good writer. I can sniff out a good writer by the way he strings together a sentence and a paragraph.

But for the life of me, your sentences and your paragraphs don't hang together for me. There's no continuity from start to finish.

Take this, for example: "What's That Devil Doing There?" It's even your title of this chapter.

I can sense cleverness and irony throughout, but it doesn't connect with anything to further the plotline.

Again, I'm so sorry, but I'm befuddled.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015

Jay
I'm surprised you didn't give me 6 stars. Just kidding.
I'm sorry this chapter is confusing. Could it be the lag time, or is that a lame excuse? I'll have to take the good things you wrote with the bad and learn from them.
Thanks for the many compliments.
The title comes from the saying, 'The devil is in the details.' That's the last time I'll shop at 'Titles R Us.'
Marv

reply by Jay Squires on 06-Aug-2015

Oh, Marvin, you are so genuine. I thought it was the devil who wore Prada, or the devil may care. I'm sorry, Marv, the last thing I want to do is bring a writer down. It's hard enough to keep ourselves motivated. To have some one come along and tell you he doesn't understand what you've been laboring over ... it's got to be disheartening. I sincerely hoped what came through strongly and loudly is that I know you are a good writer. That's evident. What frustrated me as a critter, was I didn't know what to tell you to do to make it more understandable. Am I the only one who made such a comment? Sorry, friend.

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015

Jay, Jay, Jay:
You've said so many nice things about my writing, you couldn't bring me down. Your feelings about my writing came through strongly and loudly. Your friendship and concern is also evident and always has been.
I dread saying that two reviewers had no trouble, but I think they drink a lot.
I appreciate everything you've done for my writing career.
Marv

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I think this is well written. The dialogue is excellent and the story easily held my interest.

One thing:

At one point you wrote: I said, 'We're just getting started'

I don't think you need the "I said". It's understood. Also, if you were to need it I think the "I said" hurts the flow, I think it would be stronger after the words are spoken.

Great job - very enjoyable.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015

Michael
Thank you for the nice review.
About ?I said.? I received some comments regarding not enough dialogue tags. So I overcompensated here. But I agree with you, it wasn't necessary.
Again, very encouraging words. Thanks.
Marv