2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "senryu (noise at night)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
11 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This three-five-three senryu, Noise at Night, has the proper syllable count and sends chills up the readers' spines as the grim pictures and eerie sounds drill into minds.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2015
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This three-five-three senryu, Noise at Night, has the proper syllable count and sends chills up the readers' spines as the grim pictures and eerie sounds drill into minds.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2015
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Thank you Bill
Comment from mvbrooks
Every effective, in a few short words you've introduced strong emotion and imagery.
Accurate line count and no rhyme scheme was required.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Every effective, in a few short words you've introduced strong emotion and imagery.
Accurate line count and no rhyme scheme was required.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you mvbrooks :)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Oh, I love the dark, and all of the creepy crawling things within it. Now what fun would it be if I were to know in advance what's coming up behind me? The thrill the exhilaration of not knowing is what makes life worth living, heh-heh.
Well done, nicely presented.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean :}
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Oh, I love the dark, and all of the creepy crawling things within it. Now what fun would it be if I were to know in advance what's coming up behind me? The thrill the exhilaration of not knowing is what makes life worth living, heh-heh.
Well done, nicely presented.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean :}
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Thank you Handsome :)
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You're welcome, darlin' I hope my vote helps you out in the end. :)
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I like it when you call me darlin' :) Thank you handsome, I do appreciate your vote and kind words.
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You are more than welcome. Now, go get 'em! ;)
Comment from rama devi
o! Scary. Makes a chilling entry for the contest. True to form and well presented. Creepy creativity! What I like most about this is how the rhythmic cadence of reading it aloud makes it sounds like what it describes. Well done. The tone matches the subject well. My only suggestion (entirely optional) is to use an ellipses for dramatic drumbeat effect at the end of second line.
Good luck!~
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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o! Scary. Makes a chilling entry for the contest. True to form and well presented. Creepy creativity! What I like most about this is how the rhythmic cadence of reading it aloud makes it sounds like what it describes. Well done. The tone matches the subject well. My only suggestion (entirely optional) is to use an ellipses for dramatic drumbeat effect at the end of second line.
Good luck!~
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thank you but in haiku and senryu you have to limit punctuation. Thank you for the review. :)
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Actually, that's true in haiku but not in senryu! Promise!
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can you give me an example?
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Not right now--it's late here in India. You can easily look it up on line and study. Sorry...don't have one handy and am a bit tired.
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no worries
Comment from Dawn Munro
It's late at night - actually early morning - so I am not going to play the video. Your little senryu is enough!!! (LOL) Looking behind at every little creak or pin dropping now. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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It's late at night - actually early morning - so I am not going to play the video. Your little senryu is enough!!! (LOL) Looking behind at every little creak or pin dropping now. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thank you Dawn :) I am pleased you like it.
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Yikes! I did, but I'll be up l-a-t-e now...(LOL) 'Til daylight dawns, methinks. Just kidding really - not feeling so hot -can't sleep. But it is darn scary for such a wee poem!
Comment from tfawcus
I can feel the quickening footsteps here and the thumping heart and the fear of looking behind to confirm what the imagination has conjured up! Darkening woods at dusk and far from home!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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I can feel the quickening footsteps here and the thumping heart and the fear of looking behind to confirm what the imagination has conjured up! Darkening woods at dusk and far from home!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you tfaucus, :)
Comment from --Turtle.
I read through this fear inducing senryu. Nice use of visual's but the tension in the words is what I liked best. After I read, This is what I thought.... the moment I make the mistake of turning my basement light off to head for bed, but forgot to first turn the light on upstairs. I know where the light is, and all I have to do is walk a few steps and turn it on, but my heart is beating a little harder, and my legs get a little shaky, and despite being a grown adult, I rush those extra few steps reaching fast for the switch as if light was salvation and something is on my heels and as I flip that switch, I'm spinning around with a little skittle-step to face whatever I thought might have been there.
This short senryu embodies this emotion that this moment creates.
Good strong verbs, taking full advantage of every syllable for max impact.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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I read through this fear inducing senryu. Nice use of visual's but the tension in the words is what I liked best. After I read, This is what I thought.... the moment I make the mistake of turning my basement light off to head for bed, but forgot to first turn the light on upstairs. I know where the light is, and all I have to do is walk a few steps and turn it on, but my heart is beating a little harder, and my legs get a little shaky, and despite being a grown adult, I rush those extra few steps reaching fast for the switch as if light was salvation and something is on my heels and as I flip that switch, I'm spinning around with a little skittle-step to face whatever I thought might have been there.
This short senryu embodies this emotion that this moment creates.
Good strong verbs, taking full advantage of every syllable for max impact.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you, you have a very vivid imagination :)
Comment from kiwisteveh
Well, 'mystery author', this certainly focuses on one human emotion, that of fear. It isn't what I would normally expect to find in a senryu, but it does meet the criteria as stated.
'drumming heart' cleverly strengthens the title line while also introducing the element of fear. The final line is the icing on the 'terror' cake.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Well, 'mystery author', this certainly focuses on one human emotion, that of fear. It isn't what I would normally expect to find in a senryu, but it does meet the criteria as stated.
'drumming heart' cleverly strengthens the title line while also introducing the element of fear. The final line is the icing on the 'terror' cake.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you Steve :)
Comment from Amy Greta
I LOVE your poem! It has so few words but delivers such a major feeling of being afraid! First, the opening is a perfect way to introduce your theme, as it's almost a universal reaction to fear those noises at night. Then, the drumming heart....symbolic of worry, fight or flight, prepping the body to use its muscles, and the dreaded, "look behind!" ....~scary~
Amy
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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I LOVE your poem! It has so few words but delivers such a major feeling of being afraid! First, the opening is a perfect way to introduce your theme, as it's almost a universal reaction to fear those noises at night. Then, the drumming heart....symbolic of worry, fight or flight, prepping the body to use its muscles, and the dreaded, "look behind!" ....~scary~
Amy
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you Amy, you got it! Perfect summary.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct line and syllable count. I thought the connection between the first two lines well executed. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct line and syllable count. I thought the connection between the first two lines well executed. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you Mystic Angel :)