Hello Charlie
A contest entry23 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
This is really good. Lots of active mode, and good dialogue at the end. Great descriptions of person and dog. I loved, 'I thought it over for about a nanosecond before replying, "What time?" '
I really look forward to the continuation.
Typos/SPAGs. (Asterisks indicate suggested insertions):
'Dressed in Khaki pants' ('khaki' should not have a capital k; it is not a proper noun -- it is an adjective derived from the Urdhu and Persian word for 'dusty')
'as I watch*ed* the dog bound back to his side'
'Calm down breathe, I said to myself' (I loved this, but you should omit the 'I said to myself' because the italics tell us this).
Adrian
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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This is really good. Lots of active mode, and good dialogue at the end. Great descriptions of person and dog. I loved, 'I thought it over for about a nanosecond before replying, "What time?" '
I really look forward to the continuation.
Typos/SPAGs. (Asterisks indicate suggested insertions):
'Dressed in Khaki pants' ('khaki' should not have a capital k; it is not a proper noun -- it is an adjective derived from the Urdhu and Persian word for 'dusty')
'as I watch*ed* the dog bound back to his side'
'Calm down breathe, I said to myself' (I loved this, but you should omit the 'I said to myself' because the italics tell us this).
Adrian
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thanks Adrian, I will jump right on this thank you so much :)
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Writer
A classic love story? ... or so it seems, one never knows until the next chapter. I've enjoyed your story and found it well written. As a poet, I'm a little limited in what I can offer in the technical sense. As a reader, I can tell you your story 'felt' real, I enjoyed your descriptive language of your surrounds. Both characters, or should I say, all three characters, are charismatic in your presentation of them. A warm and entertaining story and a great entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Hi Mystery Writer
A classic love story? ... or so it seems, one never knows until the next chapter. I've enjoyed your story and found it well written. As a poet, I'm a little limited in what I can offer in the technical sense. As a reader, I can tell you your story 'felt' real, I enjoyed your descriptive language of your surrounds. Both characters, or should I say, all three characters, are charismatic in your presentation of them. A warm and entertaining story and a great entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I'm loosing but ty for this sweet and genuine review
Always
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
I can't wait to read the rest of Charlie's story. Fantastic writing. The artwork is fabulous. I wish you the best in the contest. I hope what follows is as great as what I just read. I am certain it will be.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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I can't wait to read the rest of Charlie's story. Fantastic writing. The artwork is fabulous. I wish you the best in the contest. I hope what follows is as great as what I just read. I am certain it will be.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Bless you for this sweet review... After the contest I will fan you and repay your generosity :)
Always
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Youor welcome. I just hope you win.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I looking forward reading the continuation of this story that was very well written. I think you a great job! Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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I looking forward reading the continuation of this story that was very well written. I think you a great job! Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thanks GBR, for your review and well wishes. :)
Always
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully. I think you took a very inventive twist to the prompt by turning the last time into a beginning rather than an ending. I found the story engaging and a delight to read, especially since I am a sucker for handsome dogs LOL. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully. I think you took a very inventive twist to the prompt by turning the last time into a beginning rather than an ending. I found the story engaging and a delight to read, especially since I am a sucker for handsome dogs LOL. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing it.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Hi MA7777, thanks for stopping by and reading this contest entry of mine. The review is encouraging to me :)
Always
Comment from Shirley McLain
I liked your story. Your writing was detailed enough that I could see the scene in my minds eye. I didn't see any spag. Great job.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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I liked your story. Your writing was detailed enough that I could see the scene in my minds eye. I didn't see any spag. Great job.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thanks Okiegal, I appreciate you stopping by and reading my lil attempt.
Always
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I've heard it said that if you're looking for a romantic connection, walking a dog is a good way to meet people. Your story proves that to be true. Your author's notes indicate this could morph into a larger story--go for it!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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I've heard it said that if you're looking for a romantic connection, walking a dog is a good way to meet people. Your story proves that to be true. Your author's notes indicate this could morph into a larger story--go for it!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thanks GLG for taking your valuable time to read and leave this great review. I will add it to an existing story that I hope to finish shortly.
Always
Comment from MelB
This is a great contest entry. I would love to hear the rest of the story later, as you said this was your second love. I hope this turned out to be a good story. I met a guy with a dog on the beach and he was a nightmare.
Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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This is a great contest entry. I would love to hear the rest of the story later, as you said this was your second love. I hope this turned out to be a good story. I met a guy with a dog on the beach and he was a nightmare.
Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Oh snap Mel! This will indeed be a longer story when added to two previous stories placed in Fanstory by me. Thanks for the great review hon.
Always
Comment from mfowler
After I finished this I found myself asking and did they get it together. The cryptic mention of the 'second time' falling in love left the end with another unanswered and probably clever inclusion. The meeting is beautifully scripted in a most natural way. Nothing is overplayed and all seems very plausible. The dog is a great device for enacting the meeting. A really nice romance story to give this prompt something different. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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After I finished this I found myself asking and did they get it together. The cryptic mention of the 'second time' falling in love left the end with another unanswered and probably clever inclusion. The meeting is beautifully scripted in a most natural way. Nothing is overplayed and all seems very plausible. The dog is a great device for enacting the meeting. A really nice romance story to give this prompt something different. Best of luck.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much M, for this great review...I am adding this to expand a story I first placed in FanStory and later added with another contest. Seems I do better at short stories than poems :)
Always
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Ah, it's you. Go well my friend.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a well-written post, no spags spotted. Charlie seems like a good catch. He's handsome, romantic and likes dogs. What more can a woman want? Let's hope it works out well.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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This is a well-written post, no spags spotted. Charlie seems like a good catch. He's handsome, romantic and likes dogs. What more can a woman want? Let's hope it works out well.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thanks CG :)
ALWAYS