Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Oh, that was good!! If only they could have known. But there were no winners in this story, only the satisfaction that his wife and 'friend' wouldn't be around to enjoy Neil's death. This was really good, Bill!! :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 07-May-2022

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reply by the author on 07-May-2022

Thank you, Sandra.

Comment from Gloria ....

Exceptional

Well Bill, I gotta say, you nailed this one. It's too bad Neil didn't remember earlier that Dave was maybe not the best guy to pack his chute. Oh well, what the hay, it makes for terrific flash fiction, but I do feel really sorry for Neil. ;-)

Very well written, you.

Gloria

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015

Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent review. Yes, Neil was a poster boy for poor choices. Bill

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Bravo! One of the best flash fiction pieces I've read in ages. I'm glad I have a six left for this gem, Bill. Terrrrrific ending! :)

And I agree with Dean that you should add this post to his Tiny Tales. Just make a new chapter there, post this, and no one will notice or care. I would. :)

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Phyllis, for the fantastic and flattering review. Bill

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Whoa! I say, Whoa! You are the master of the micro-flash fiction, Bill.

The classic romantic triangle with one helluva twist. There would be a more total redemption if we knew that both Dave and Neil's wife were on the plane.

Then, meeting in the afterlife would prove rather awkward.

Good stuff, Bill. I'm more impressed by you daily!

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Jay, for the great review. You're more than kind. Bill

Comment from jpduck

Excellent

I was most impressed with this. Extremely clever, I thought, especiallly within a hundred words. Many congratulations. It's almost (but not quite) enough to convince me that the concept of the hundred word story is not quite as naff as it seems.


Adrian

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Adrian, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Bill;
-a brilliantly written story full of deceit and treachery. Unbeknownst to him that well befell him was his own demise. The calculation of the writing is done exceptionally well. The drama is perfectly stated. The twist of fate is introduced in a manner that is very effective.
-Thank you for sharing and posting this bill and may the good Lord be with you forever.
Alex

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review. Bill

reply by krys123 on 10-Jul-2015

You are so welcome Bill

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Bill,

A nice little touch of revenge / retaliation going on here. Thoroughly despicable all around I guess. Nice one - enjoyed it.

oNeil yanked - Neil

wife and Dave petting in the grotto - have not heard this phrase in a long time. they used to have it on a sign at the swimming pool - NO HEAVY PETTING. Genius.

G

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, g, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Bill the opening and the reveal are really good. You caught me.

But I think you cheated yourself again by limiting yourself to 100 words. The middle of your story is all drab exposition--explanation without style.

Splurge, man! Allow yourself two hundred words and replace all that dull 'telling' in the middle with more story.

Bill, I think you're cheating yourself out of a much better story.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Lee, for the excellent review. I appreciate the good advice. Bill

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

Now see, Bill. Why wouldn't you want to add this tale of revenge to the Tiny Tales of Terror book? This is exactly the sort of stories I want in the book. It's concise, it's clever, and it isn't bloody or gory...but it IS highly effective, and the implications for both parties concerned ARE quite... horrific.

This would have been a great addition. You DO know that any FanStory member can enter stories into the book, right? As long as the story is between 100-500 words and deals with the horror/thriller genres.

This one would certainly qualify.

Good stuff, great reveal...

~Dean

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

I guess I don't know how to add them, Dean. Thank you for the great review.

reply by Dean Kuch on 10-Jul-2015

It's simple. Before you post your story, you simply go to any chapter in the book. Below the post you'll see a series of tabs, one of them labeled "ADD CHAPTER". You click on that tab, then post your story as you normally would.

Easy-peasy... :)

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Brilliant and well told, and all in mere 100 words! The twist in the end was a surprise and it made me mile. Sweet revenge that cost Neil his life together with the others. O dear, sweet revenge. I enjoyed it a lot. Ulla

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2015

Thank you, Ulla, for the excellent review. Bill