Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Haunted House"Dawn of Chaos
26 total reviews
Comment from Jacob Collins
I thought this was a well written piece, TPAC and you captured the curiosity of yourself and your cousin as younger children well, I probably wouldn't want to enter the house as well. I thought that your writing flowed well and I couldn't find any faults. Thanks for sharing...Jacob
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
  |
I thought this was a well written piece, TPAC and you captured the curiosity of yourself and your cousin as younger children well, I probably wouldn't want to enter the house as well. I thought that your writing flowed well and I couldn't find any faults. Thanks for sharing...Jacob
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
-
Yeah. I know they are there. Yet that is another treasure hunt. Glad you enjoyed this work. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi TPAC, gripping gem of a story here and true at that. In the beginning, as a suggestion, I would delete the word 'together' because it seems that you and your cousin are already together. Take care and cheers.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
|
Hi TPAC, gripping gem of a story here and true at that. In the beginning, as a suggestion, I would delete the word 'together' because it seems that you and your cousin are already together. Take care and cheers.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for the heads up will check. Glad you liked the work. I appreciate generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
In your notes "my cousin enough" should be "my cousin had enough". Creepy old houses can definitely be rather scary to youngsters. So much fun to explore, and not knowing what lurks behind the next corner adds so much more to the experience. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
|
In your notes "my cousin enough" should be "my cousin had enough". Creepy old houses can definitely be rather scary to youngsters. So much fun to explore, and not knowing what lurks behind the next corner adds so much more to the experience. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
-
Again in your debt with thanks for heads up about pits also this kind rate
Comment from hannahorion
Free verse: Title: Haunted House. Theme: a haunted house which is packed with bails of hay is seen to have changed in the course of an evening for no explainable reason into a house with all lights on upstairs and downstairs with music playing. Casting a pebble onto the roof makes all activity stop.
This poem needs a little work to improve its legibility and atmosphere. A few metaphors, similes or adjectives would increase its appeal immensely. The story unfolds well enough although the colloquial language is a little disjointed for example "We passing decayed house on route to store" the verb passing should be past tense e.g. "we passed a decayed house". I gave it four stars.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
 |
Free verse: Title: Haunted House. Theme: a haunted house which is packed with bails of hay is seen to have changed in the course of an evening for no explainable reason into a house with all lights on upstairs and downstairs with music playing. Casting a pebble onto the roof makes all activity stop.
This poem needs a little work to improve its legibility and atmosphere. A few metaphors, similes or adjectives would increase its appeal immensely. The story unfolds well enough although the colloquial language is a little disjointed for example "We passing decayed house on route to store" the verb passing should be past tense e.g. "we passed a decayed house". I gave it four stars.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
-
I appreciate this rate even a little lower would hold my best place, all my works contain such pits, my works were to applease me, I like sharing but I do try to end pits -again thanks for honesty
-
Thank you.
Comment from Glasstruth
Sounds like a load of fun. I've never seen or felt a ghost. Would like to. I want to experience that. It ain't real unless it happens to you. You tell an excellent story in poetry form. Well crafted. Les
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
|
Sounds like a load of fun. I've never seen or felt a ghost. Would like to. I want to experience that. It ain't real unless it happens to you. You tell an excellent story in poetry form. Well crafted. Les
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
-
Very scary things the unknown, encounters not pleasant never encountered and I can't get away Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed comments
Comment from petalangela
Some things are stranger than fiction and beyond belief.
Only the people who witness these events for themselves actually believe they happen. BECAUSE THEY DID
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
|
Some things are stranger than fiction and beyond belief.
Only the people who witness these events for themselves actually believe they happen. BECAUSE THEY DID
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
-
Event had me and my cousin going for a moment still puzzling to my mind years after Thanks for comments and generous rate
