2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Haiku (a beautiful rose}"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
24 total reviews
Comment from Taffspride
Although you paint quite lovely a picture with this 5 7 5 piece, it cannot be called a haiku,
It would better tightened, example:-
rose
stands tall in bouquet
my finger bleeds
No need for extraneous words.
Nice pairing with artwork will be happyto re-rate if you make edits.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Although you paint quite lovely a picture with this 5 7 5 piece, it cannot be called a haiku,
It would better tightened, example:-
rose
stands tall in bouquet
my finger bleeds
No need for extraneous words.
Nice pairing with artwork will be happyto re-rate if you make edits.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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I had great reviews so I am going to let your slide
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow! This is a great haiku. I love the artwork, but your words would be great w/o them. The words paint a great picture.
Good job and congrats on being recognized.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Wow! This is a great haiku. I love the artwork, but your words would be great w/o them. The words paint a great picture.
Good job and congrats on being recognized.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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THANK YOU JAN, I REALY APPRECIATE YOUR REVIEW <3
Comment from Lena Borghi
You have penned a beautiful haiku in good form . You have two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete images and an excellent satori line.
I am not sure if "stands tall" as applied to a rose in a bouquet would be considered personification which is not allowed in haiku.I tend to think not.
I like to share what I have learned from those who know, and in that spirit, want to say that I love word economy in haiku, as the original form intends. As such, I respectfully suggest:
beautiful rose
graces spring bouquet
finger cut bleeds
Nicely done.
Best,
Lena
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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You have penned a beautiful haiku in good form . You have two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete images and an excellent satori line.
I am not sure if "stands tall" as applied to a rose in a bouquet would be considered personification which is not allowed in haiku.I tend to think not.
I like to share what I have learned from those who know, and in that spirit, want to say that I love word economy in haiku, as the original form intends. As such, I respectfully suggest:
beautiful rose
graces spring bouquet
finger cut bleeds
Nicely done.
Best,
Lena
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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THANK YOU <3
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You're welcome :)
Comment from TAB_that's me
With beauty sometimes comes pain especially with roses. Good haiku with includes good imagery and good syllable count.
teresa
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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With beauty sometimes comes pain especially with roses. Good haiku with includes good imagery and good syllable count.
teresa
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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THANK YOU, TERESA <3
Comment from cbat
Simple and beautiful.
My art causes me to bleed but sometimes it adds to the creation.
I enjoy your outlook and realize everyone goes through times down.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Simple and beautiful.
My art causes me to bleed but sometimes it adds to the creation.
I enjoy your outlook and realize everyone goes through times down.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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THANK YOU, CBAT <3
Comment from Lani2
You have described the beautiful rose in seventeen syllables, how it stands out in a spring bouquet and even though it is beautiful and can be presented at any occasion. It must be handled with care as it can hurt you with the thorns. Very good haiku. I did not see anything I would change. Lani2
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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You have described the beautiful rose in seventeen syllables, how it stands out in a spring bouquet and even though it is beautiful and can be presented at any occasion. It must be handled with care as it can hurt you with the thorns. Very good haiku. I did not see anything I would change. Lani2
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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thank you Lani, I appreciate your review
Comment from livelylinda
Gypsy Blue Rose: even the most beautiful flower can hurt you. Even the most romantic relationship can end up hurting you. The cutest baby can poop all over you/throw up all over you/cry all night and deprive you of sleep, etc. Beware the most beautiful: they, too, can make you bleed! I love this and give it a virtual six because I am out of the real ones. livelylinda
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Gypsy Blue Rose: even the most beautiful flower can hurt you. Even the most romantic relationship can end up hurting you. The cutest baby can poop all over you/throw up all over you/cry all night and deprive you of sleep, etc. Beware the most beautiful: they, too, can make you bleed! I love this and give it a virtual six because I am out of the real ones. livelylinda
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you Linda, I accept the virtual six stars :) Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind words.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Gypsy,
A rose is certainly a beautiful flower but beware when cutting it for a display bouquet. (LOL) The picture is spectacular. Is it the photo of the actual bouquet? I also like the pink font since it complements the flowers.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Dear Gypsy,
A rose is certainly a beautiful flower but beware when cutting it for a display bouquet. (LOL) The picture is spectacular. Is it the photo of the actual bouquet? I also like the pink font since it complements the flowers.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind words. I got the picture at google.com, I like it too. :)
Comment from Emily George
Did it bleed from the rose thorn. I like that last very unexpected line it was disjointed and therefore very effective. Those roses are so delicate they look like paper roses.
Very well thoughout. Good luck.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Did it bleed from the rose thorn. I like that last very unexpected line it was disjointed and therefore very effective. Those roses are so delicate they look like paper roses.
Very well thoughout. Good luck.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind words.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Gypsy
I love your 5-7-5 poem about the rose, it is a beautiful looking flower and a joy to view, but not to touch. The image you have chosen is a lovely one.
well done. Mary
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Hi Gypsy
I love your 5-7-5 poem about the rose, it is a beautiful looking flower and a joy to view, but not to touch. The image you have chosen is a lovely one.
well done. Mary
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind words.