Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10005 "The ugly wife"from birth I have longed for death
9 total reviews
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
Stunning, brilliant, explosive. The artwork fits perfectly. This story breaks my heart as I believe it would any mothers to not know where all her children are. You are a strong woman and a superb writer. Please keep writing and sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Stunning, brilliant, explosive. The artwork fits perfectly. This story breaks my heart as I believe it would any mothers to not know where all her children are. You are a strong woman and a superb writer. Please keep writing and sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you.
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Your most welcome.
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Thank you, I imagine many mothers experience this.
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Yes I imagine they do.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Coral. Very well done mate and a great entry into this contest. You already know how much I enjoy reading your story and the way you tell it. Good luck in the contest my friend....
SPAG ALERT...
"a mufti(multi) million dollar business, this business is still manufacturing worldwide."
"As the years have passed we experienced unexpected hurtles,(hurdles,) drug abuse,"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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G'day Coral. Very well done mate and a great entry into this contest. You already know how much I enjoy reading your story and the way you tell it. Good luck in the contest my friend....
SPAG ALERT...
"a mufti(multi) million dollar business, this business is still manufacturing worldwide."
"As the years have passed we experienced unexpected hurtles,(hurdles,) drug abuse,"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 05-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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Thanks again, you are my favorite.
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Ako rin (you are mine too)
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Yes, everybody has a story, but aside from the media, few of us have a glance at this life from an insider's perspective. I think you've written an endearing memoir, but it is a brushstroke over the surface. I am quite certain that other readers would ask for more, as I do.
I will encourage you to continue work on this story, but from a slightly different perspective for something more important than a FS win. I'd drop any reference to public opinion or media coverage and tell your story the way you lived it. You were born into this situation, had no way to make a choice or even know that other choices existed. I'd talk about the 15 feral children (great description) and the subsequent addition to your marriage of new wives. Supporting 50 people with the conviction of your labor might be a great lesson to those who barely know how to look after themselves.
In this submission you tell us the story, but I'd really like to walk into your world, be shown the life you lived and let go, not to mention the sequel. After being raised and married off, how did you enter into mainstream society? What were your major adjustments. Where did you find the strength to divorce?
The violence warning was not necessary for what you wrote, but I suspect you are remembering how bad it was--but did not catalogue.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you'll give us more.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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Yes, everybody has a story, but aside from the media, few of us have a glance at this life from an insider's perspective. I think you've written an endearing memoir, but it is a brushstroke over the surface. I am quite certain that other readers would ask for more, as I do.
I will encourage you to continue work on this story, but from a slightly different perspective for something more important than a FS win. I'd drop any reference to public opinion or media coverage and tell your story the way you lived it. You were born into this situation, had no way to make a choice or even know that other choices existed. I'd talk about the 15 feral children (great description) and the subsequent addition to your marriage of new wives. Supporting 50 people with the conviction of your labor might be a great lesson to those who barely know how to look after themselves.
In this submission you tell us the story, but I'd really like to walk into your world, be shown the life you lived and let go, not to mention the sequel. After being raised and married off, how did you enter into mainstream society? What were your major adjustments. Where did you find the strength to divorce?
The violence warning was not necessary for what you wrote, but I suspect you are remembering how bad it was--but did not catalogue.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you'll give us more.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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Thank you for your great review.
I have been delving into the darker side of my marriage, it sent me into a downward spiral.
I feel the need to put the truth out there but have family that are advancing and my children need to pretend some things did not happen.
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MaggieAdams wrote a great book about her marriage and continues to suffer the same doubts whether to publish and flirt with potential family reaction or stay silent. She's taken it to publish-ready presentation, though her working copy is still likely in her portfolio. You might want to read a few chapters. It's titled 'My Cashmere Life.' At the other end of the spectrum, but what I think you may enjoy is her running present-day commentary that begins each chapter. She found it extremely helpful in sorting out the wheat from the chafe. If nothing else, it helped her focus on twenty some odd years of who she was--once upon a time--and how far she's travelled.
For my part, I don't believe the truth will set me free, but I do believe it will keep me from lying to myself. You'll need to decide how you want to resolve the ping-pong ball in your head on your own. Good luck on the decision.
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thank you.
Comment from Emily George
A very insightful and interesting story of a life you have lived. I feel privileged to have been giving the opportunity to read it. You obviously are a strong woman who is able to forgive and allow people around you to make their own life choices. This story was very well written and I thought told with great tact for the other family members and religion it represented in the telling of.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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A very insightful and interesting story of a life you have lived. I feel privileged to have been giving the opportunity to read it. You obviously are a strong woman who is able to forgive and allow people around you to make their own life choices. This story was very well written and I thought told with great tact for the other family members and religion it represented in the telling of.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from petalangela
A truly open look at both sides of the religion and it's confines.
It's interesting to note that even in alleged Christian marriages and those of non believers the self same destructive rules apply
It is just so much easier for people to deflect attention by highlighting the lives of others
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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A truly open look at both sides of the religion and it's confines.
It's interesting to note that even in alleged Christian marriages and those of non believers the self same destructive rules apply
It is just so much easier for people to deflect attention by highlighting the lives of others
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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You are so right.
Thank you for your comments.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
What a wonderful autobiography. You have told your story simply and truthfully, without judging other people. I know that it has been a struggle to get to this point, and that you have days of rejoicing and days of sorrow, but I am proud of the woman you have chosen to become,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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What a wonderful autobiography. You have told your story simply and truthfully, without judging other people. I know that it has been a struggle to get to this point, and that you have days of rejoicing and days of sorrow, but I am proud of the woman you have chosen to become,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you.
My decent into depression came with much more detail of these days.
Eventually I will have to go into more detail.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a fascinating story. It was different back then. By pooling resources together with human effort, you family was able to build and become strong. It is a pity that the structure broke down, but not surprising either.
Suggestions:
I was asked by god to marry him
I was asked by [G]od to marry
m to be, That he did not
m to be, [t]hat he did not
damaged,by the
damaged, by the
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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This is a fascinating story. It was different back then. By pooling resources together with human effort, you family was able to build and become strong. It is a pity that the structure broke down, but not surprising either.
Suggestions:
I was asked by god to marry him
I was asked by [G]od to marry
m to be, That he did not
m to be, [t]hat he did not
damaged,by the
damaged, by the
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you again for your simple instructions to help me improve.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Wow CBAT, you did an excellent job telling your story. Very well written and thought out. I don't see any errors. Good job!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Wow CBAT, you did an excellent job telling your story. Very well written and thought out. I don't see any errors. Good job!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thanks again.
Comment from mommerry
Your story is interesting but is not well organized. Remember to show - don't just tell. For instance: My children were damaged - they had no idea what family life should be, they didn't know how to think for themselves -- or something like that. Obvious errors were: stories are constant ally seen on to, (CONSTANTLY... ON TV);unexpected hurtles(hurdles).., drug abuse the joy of a gay (either eliminate "joy" completely as this is one of the hurdles or say "the challenge of a gay child"; We Bucked hay, (no capitalization of word bucked); During this time we also built from the ground up, with his education and our children from the time they could work... (this sentence should be broken down to make what you are saying clearer. eg. We also built a multi-...... which was successful because of his education and with the help of our children. It was built from the ground up and is still manufacturing...
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Your story is interesting but is not well organized. Remember to show - don't just tell. For instance: My children were damaged - they had no idea what family life should be, they didn't know how to think for themselves -- or something like that. Obvious errors were: stories are constant ally seen on to, (CONSTANTLY... ON TV);unexpected hurtles(hurdles).., drug abuse the joy of a gay (either eliminate "joy" completely as this is one of the hurdles or say "the challenge of a gay child"; We Bucked hay, (no capitalization of word bucked); During this time we also built from the ground up, with his education and our children from the time they could work... (this sentence should be broken down to make what you are saying clearer. eg. We also built a multi-...... which was successful because of his education and with the help of our children. It was built from the ground up and is still manufacturing...
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Thank you for your help, it is appreciated.