Haiku-(White mounds on the ground)
Winter8 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Your syllable count is right, the kigo is winter, the juxtaposion -I don't see one. Good job with the haiku and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Your syllable count is right, the kigo is winter, the juxtaposion -I don't see one. Good job with the haiku and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the comments.
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Oh, this is sensational. You have the kigo. White mounds on the ground. Nice description describing snow. Good imagination. Great opener. As silver blades touch water. What a description. Perfect for the scene and second line. Wow! That last line is the clincher. Strong. I would speculate that this will be a top five of the contest. So many good ones in this pot. This one of my favorites. Love the picture. good luck! wackydo
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Oh, this is sensational. You have the kigo. White mounds on the ground. Nice description describing snow. Good imagination. Great opener. As silver blades touch water. What a description. Perfect for the scene and second line. Wow! That last line is the clincher. Strong. I would speculate that this will be a top five of the contest. So many good ones in this pot. This one of my favorites. Love the picture. good luck! wackydo
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the comments.
Comment from dmt1967
I always think of old movies when I see two lovers on skates. They generally either are good and glide around the ice as one. Or one is good and is so tender to the other as they teach their lover how to skate. Great poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I always think of old movies when I see two lovers on skates. They generally either are good and glide around the ice as one. Or one is good and is so tender to the other as they teach their lover how to skate. Great poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the comments.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a fine poem but lacks the two grammatically interconnected concrete lines. this can easily be fixed by changing the second line to "as silver blades touch water".
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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this is a fine poem but lacks the two grammatically interconnected concrete lines. this can easily be fixed by changing the second line to "as silver blades touch water".
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the idea and comments.
Comment from robina1978
Excellent artwork that complements your poem perfectly. I thought you had to put the whole first line in the title. I'd also centre it for better layout. I liked it though.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Excellent artwork that complements your poem perfectly. I thought you had to put the whole first line in the title. I'd also centre it for better layout. I liked it though.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the comments.
Comment from Lesley Collier
A winter haiku of snowy mounds and ice skating in the winter as love fills the air. Well written following the format though haiku is spelt wrong in the title!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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A winter haiku of snowy mounds and ice skating in the winter as love fills the air. Well written following the format though haiku is spelt wrong in the title!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the comments and correction.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition. You have stuck to the prompt well and your wonderful words are perfect, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Hi Mystery author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition. You have stuck to the prompt well and your wonderful words are perfect, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the comments
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from inside echo
Your poem is presented nicely. The picture is well suited to your poem. However I do not see how the lines interconnect (using words). The topic is understood, but I wonder how much of the understanding came from your picture. Usually haiku has interconnected lines. I do not see this in your poem.
tgc
echo
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Your poem is presented nicely. The picture is well suited to your poem. However I do not see how the lines interconnect (using words). The topic is understood, but I wonder how much of the understanding came from your picture. Usually haiku has interconnected lines. I do not see this in your poem.
tgc
echo
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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The white snow is winter surrounding an ice pond, both show the season that the contest did want. Then comes the reality of skaters finding love. The interconnection is the season, which the contest wanted either by mentioning or saying what is part of that time. Thanks for the comments.
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So the only thing that needs to connect for this particular contest is the season? in that case, I will change my rating. Thank you for explaining.