Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Charles"All chapters
3 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Following the feel of the story, this chapter is humorously entertaining in an understated way reminding me of Albert Brooks, the comedian. Some good lines throughout, such as:
"Had she been any less excited, embalmers would have had to be called in."
and
"Translation: I made up more stuff. I'm not sure how my audience was doing, but I was getting excited. I couldn't wait to hear what I was going to say next."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Following the feel of the story, this chapter is humorously entertaining in an understated way reminding me of Albert Brooks, the comedian. Some good lines throughout, such as:
"Had she been any less excited, embalmers would have had to be called in."
and
"Translation: I made up more stuff. I'm not sure how my audience was doing, but I was getting excited. I couldn't wait to hear what I was going to say next."
Marilyn
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Linking me to Albert Brooks or Our Miss Brooks is fine with me. Thank you.
I like it when you single out lines you like. I never know what's going to work.
Thanks for reviewing.
Marv
Comment from Jay Squires
You have a fascinating narrative voice, Marvin, with Russ not being much a part of the dialogue, but his ungiven response to what others are asking him, is a part of his introspective quips. I'm thinking of this, now, as a cinematographer/reader would (on the screen of his mind). Your style, it appears to me, can be extremely effective used infrequently. After a while, I'm wondering, when is something going to happen. Is Charles so bored he's zoned out. My critter's mind is registering that later we will find what was so important that Miss Claridge was squeezing his hand.
I hope you're getting the drift of this, Marv. I love your style, but at some point it's gotta drive forward.
He had a look on his face, as if he might be watching the shower scene from Ben-Hur or the buggy racing scene from Psycho. I always get those two mixed up. [After the mix up of the scenes, it seems to begs something preceding "I always get those two mixed up." Something like "Was that right?" Otherwise it turns out as a gratuitous joke. In other words, if he already knows he mixed them up, then why do it? Does that make sense?]
"Loophole," I yelled back. [I have no idea what this refers to.]
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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You have a fascinating narrative voice, Marvin, with Russ not being much a part of the dialogue, but his ungiven response to what others are asking him, is a part of his introspective quips. I'm thinking of this, now, as a cinematographer/reader would (on the screen of his mind). Your style, it appears to me, can be extremely effective used infrequently. After a while, I'm wondering, when is something going to happen. Is Charles so bored he's zoned out. My critter's mind is registering that later we will find what was so important that Miss Claridge was squeezing his hand.
I hope you're getting the drift of this, Marv. I love your style, but at some point it's gotta drive forward.
He had a look on his face, as if he might be watching the shower scene from Ben-Hur or the buggy racing scene from Psycho. I always get those two mixed up. [After the mix up of the scenes, it seems to begs something preceding "I always get those two mixed up." Something like "Was that right?" Otherwise it turns out as a gratuitous joke. In other words, if he already knows he mixed them up, then why do it? Does that make sense?]
"Loophole," I yelled back. [I have no idea what this refers to.]
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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Jay
Thanks the high rating and the compliments. Fortunately for me, you were just getting started. You've graciously shared with me, a novice, the benefit of your critter's mind, with spot on suggestions and intelligent observations, regarding areas of this chapter which were lacking.
Marv
Comment from barkingdog
Marvin, I wish I had a six for this. I was totally entertained. I felt his nervousness via all of his jokes starting with his observation of Miss Claridge. 'Had she been any less excited, embalmers would have had to be called in' ... on through the mix up of the scenes from 'Psycho' and 'Ben Hur'.
What's next? TIme to fan you. I don't want to miss a thing.
:) e
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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Marvin, I wish I had a six for this. I was totally entertained. I felt his nervousness via all of his jokes starting with his observation of Miss Claridge. 'Had she been any less excited, embalmers would have had to be called in' ... on through the mix up of the scenes from 'Psycho' and 'Ben Hur'.
What's next? TIme to fan you. I don't want to miss a thing.
:) e
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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Dear Barker
This review and your ?Fan? message are two of the nicest things that ever happened to me on FanStory or anywhere. Thank you very much.
You reassured me about the film references, also. Thanks for that.
And now you're a fan. I couldn't ask for more.
Thanks again.
Marv
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My pleasure. Marv.