Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 106 "A sunny day ( haiku)"Poems /stories on Fanstory
6 total reviews
Comment from danpald
As the sun does shine so bright
Joy fills the day with loving strides
The smiles form to greet the sun
Making the warmth spread to everyone
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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As the sun does shine so bright
Joy fills the day with loving strides
The smiles form to greet the sun
Making the warmth spread to everyone
Comment Written 17-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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Thanks danpald for you delightful review and poetic reply. I love the sun always makes me feel happy Cheers Christine😀
Comment from skye
My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week
The seasonal word - sun
Fits syllable count
Present tense
Did put haiku in the title
did not say one-line haiku in description
This is great, but your must put ONE-LINE HAIKU in the description line, as per the rules, or you will probably be disqualified.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week
The seasonal word - sun
Fits syllable count
Present tense
Did put haiku in the title
did not say one-line haiku in description
This is great, but your must put ONE-LINE HAIKU in the description line, as per the rules, or you will probably be disqualified.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thanks Skye, I am still learning many things re different styles and always appreciate help and suggestions, I will try to revise so thanks for you advice Cheers Christine😊
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Hi Skye I am not sure about my last Haiku that you reviewed so I have completely changed it in hope this one meets criteria I would appreciate your feedback thanks Christine
Comment from Glasstruth
A house full of love is what it should be for everyone. Great message. For a one liner, it's hard to say it all, but I can feel it in your words. Well crafted. Good luck with the contest. Les
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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A house full of love is what it should be for everyone. Great message. For a one liner, it's hard to say it all, but I can feel it in your words. Well crafted. Good luck with the contest. Les
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you Glasstruth, it is easy when it is true I have a wonderful family and feel I am so lucky, my husband, kids and Grandies make me smile every day. I thank you for your review and lovely comments Cheers Christine
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Hi Glasstruth I have reviewed the Haiku you reviewed a happy home and it did not meet the haiku requirements so I have changed it to this new one. ( not sure if I can do this,) but if so could you give me some feedback I would appreciate your time Thanks Cheers Christine
Comment from Curly Girly
My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week
Well, aren't you blessed! It sounds like a good place to be. Love given out will return. One suggestion:
Perhaps you should end the sentence with a full stop (period).
My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week[.]
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week
Well, aren't you blessed! It sounds like a good place to be. Love given out will return. One suggestion:
Perhaps you should end the sentence with a full stop (period).
My house is full of love, I smile every day of the week[.]
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you Curly Girly for you review and comments I will fix it up, and yes I am blessed to have a great family Cheers Christine
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Hi Curly Girly I have had feedback form this Haiku entry and it does not meet the requirements of the contest. So I have made a complete change ( unsure if I can do this) however if so can you please review and comment so I can see if I am on the right track still learning Cheers Chrsitine
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I am not sure of the rules, but as far as I know, changes can be made prior to voting.
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Thanks I will wait and see appreciate you response Christine😀
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This has a very nice sentiment, but it is not a haiku. It does not have a natural or seasonal image, as called for by the prompt. Also, there is personification of the house (a house does not feel the human emotion of happiness). And it does not concentrate on one moment. The syllable count is within the proper limits. To be a haiku, I think this would need some re-working. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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This has a very nice sentiment, but it is not a haiku. It does not have a natural or seasonal image, as called for by the prompt. Also, there is personification of the house (a house does not feel the human emotion of happiness). And it does not concentrate on one moment. The syllable count is within the proper limits. To be a haiku, I think this would need some re-working. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you Jeanie Mercer. For your review and comments I will take the into consideration, being a bit new to this style I am learning all the time . I appreciate your feedback. Cheers Christine😌
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Hi Jeanie, based on yours and other comments for the Haiku I submitted and you reviewed I have changed it completely so can I ask if you would kindly give me some feedback on this one Please ( unsure if I can even do this) Cheers Christine
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Yes, you can always change or edit. This is really good now, and I have changed my rating to 5 stars. (I had to do a little searching to recognize this!)
Comment from lalajovanoski
this really is a wonderful contest entry.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest
This is such an amazingly written, finely composed piece. You are very talented. Thank you very much for sharing this, I truly enjoyed reading. I look forward to reading more from you!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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this really is a wonderful contest entry.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest
This is such an amazingly written, finely composed piece. You are very talented. Thank you very much for sharing this, I truly enjoyed reading. I look forward to reading more from you!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you lalajovanoski for your lovely review. It was a very spontaneous write. I looked at the contest requirements and this instantly came into mind. My seasons are every day glad you liked it Cheers Christine😊😊
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Hi lala I have had some feedback and comments re this haiku and it does not meet the requirements so I have completely changed it so could you give me some feedback on this one as. I' m not sure if I can do this but thanks for your help Cheers Christine