Commentary and Philosophy
Viewing comments for Chapter 130 "War Weary Budgets"My thoughts about t
18 total reviews
Comment from visionary1234
Oh well done Treischel - there were some great entries into this competition! I share your sentiments!
Some spags below:
For people unatuned (unattuned) to ways of peace,
Ungrateful of (for) our aid and sacrifice.
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Oh well done Treischel - there were some great entries into this competition! I share your sentiments!
Some spags below:
For people unatuned (unattuned) to ways of peace,
Ungrateful of (for) our aid and sacrifice.
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2015
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Thank you Visionary. I made those changes.
Comment from seaglass
I' tired of war and spending on every other nation while our bridges fall down. I think the hawks who keep pushing us into war should sign up and go over and fight it themselves. Your poem is meaningful.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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I' tired of war and spending on every other nation while our bridges fall down. I think the hawks who keep pushing us into war should sign up and go over and fight it themselves. Your poem is meaningful.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2015
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Thank you Seaglass. I take your point.
Comment from pipersfancy
I've been making my way through all the contest entries this morning, and I must say yours is a unique and different take on the sonnet! I like the bold word choices, so necessary to convey a political landscape that includes war.
Very good use of meter throughout, with a few well-placed variations that work well.
Third stanza - bravo! A succinct and strong statement of conviction held by many.
Best wishes for the contest,
Christina
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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I've been making my way through all the contest entries this morning, and I must say yours is a unique and different take on the sonnet! I like the bold word choices, so necessary to convey a political landscape that includes war.
Very good use of meter throughout, with a few well-placed variations that work well.
Third stanza - bravo! A succinct and strong statement of conviction held by many.
Best wishes for the contest,
Christina
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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Thank you pipersfancy. Yes, the theme is discordant to the typical sonnet theme, but i liked that juxtaposition. It will likely cost me votes however.
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Well... I've never been one to colour within the lines all the time, either! Personal integrity and expression is always trumps votes on FS (hence... I rarely win anything!)
Cheers!
PF
Comment from Nottoway
Excellent lament on the state of the world today. I too find it difficult that we as American care more about saving the lands of others than they themselves do. Yet, should we pursue some objectives and face threats, we risk dooming ourselves.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Excellent lament on the state of the world today. I too find it difficult that we as American care more about saving the lands of others than they themselves do. Yet, should we pursue some objectives and face threats, we risk dooming ourselves.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Thank you Nottiway, yes, you are so right.
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAH! This is great, not only because it is such a wonderful blank verse sonnet, but because of the subject matter - it resonates with me so very strongly, I'm surprised I have never written the same things. (No arrogance intended, but that thinking has been with me for a long time now - it just never somehow connected with my creative side or something - first time I've ever been aware of something like this...)
This poem is timely, relevant and flawless, IMO - KUDOS to you for writing it. If I had any sixes, I would rate it as it deserves!
*****************OUTSTANDING********************!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2015
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HAH! This is great, not only because it is such a wonderful blank verse sonnet, but because of the subject matter - it resonates with me so very strongly, I'm surprised I have never written the same things. (No arrogance intended, but that thinking has been with me for a long time now - it just never somehow connected with my creative side or something - first time I've ever been aware of something like this...)
This poem is timely, relevant and flawless, IMO - KUDOS to you for writing it. If I had any sixes, I would rate it as it deserves!
*****************OUTSTANDING********************!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2015
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Thank you Ideasaregems. Glad we connected and you likes it.
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I likes it a lot! :)
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening, Poet,
I enjoyed reading your political commentary sonnet this evening. At first I thought it might best fit the Italian Sonnet form, but yet it works in the Shakespearean form as well.
Your commentary echoes the sentiments of many in these waning days of self-imposed American descendantcy by the current administration and a dysfunctional Congress. Such dialogue always reminds me of The Federalist 10 and 51.
Your sonnet is in fine form except in one place, and I'll mention that in a bit. The sonnet form is well developed. The topic is introduced in the first quatrain and continues to be well developed in the second. The turn in the third, line 9, is sharp and effective. It brings us back to what we used to be vs. what we are. The closing couplet is most effective and provides a strong commentary on the overall theme of the sonnet.
Your poetic techniques of alliteration are well done--not overdone, squandered, scattered is a most effective phrasing. I felt lines 11 & 12 were the best of the sonnet.
The iambic meter is spot-on except in line 13. I surmise you're pronouncing dangerous in two syllables but it is spelled as three syllables. May I suggest you edit it to resolve the metrical issue?
the WORLD re MAINS a VER y DAN g'rous PLACE
Your skillful use of enjambment makes the poem flow even more smoothly and also mitigates the absence of rhyme. And speaking of rhyme, I found no instances of end-line or internal-line rhyme.
An excellent political commentary sonnet. Best of luck to you in the contest.
Ray
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Good Evening, Poet,
I enjoyed reading your political commentary sonnet this evening. At first I thought it might best fit the Italian Sonnet form, but yet it works in the Shakespearean form as well.
Your commentary echoes the sentiments of many in these waning days of self-imposed American descendantcy by the current administration and a dysfunctional Congress. Such dialogue always reminds me of The Federalist 10 and 51.
Your sonnet is in fine form except in one place, and I'll mention that in a bit. The sonnet form is well developed. The topic is introduced in the first quatrain and continues to be well developed in the second. The turn in the third, line 9, is sharp and effective. It brings us back to what we used to be vs. what we are. The closing couplet is most effective and provides a strong commentary on the overall theme of the sonnet.
Your poetic techniques of alliteration are well done--not overdone, squandered, scattered is a most effective phrasing. I felt lines 11 & 12 were the best of the sonnet.
The iambic meter is spot-on except in line 13. I surmise you're pronouncing dangerous in two syllables but it is spelled as three syllables. May I suggest you edit it to resolve the metrical issue?
the WORLD re MAINS a VER y DAN g'rous PLACE
Your skillful use of enjambment makes the poem flow even more smoothly and also mitigates the absence of rhyme. And speaking of rhyme, I found no instances of end-line or internal-line rhyme.
An excellent political commentary sonnet. Best of luck to you in the contest.
Ray
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you mountain writer. Ok I'll make that adjustment.
Comment from Linda Kay
This poem describes our war situation so well. We sacrifice our men to protect ourselves and others from entities that are ignorant of the concept of peace. I admire your being able to make a political statement using a sonnet format.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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This poem describes our war situation so well. We sacrifice our men to protect ourselves and others from entities that are ignorant of the concept of peace. I admire your being able to make a political statement using a sonnet format.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you Linda.
Comment from rod007
A great commentary on our warrior's sacrifice and thee words makes it absolutely clear:
"Our legacy of freedom borne in blood
Must not be squandered, scattered to the wind,
Ignoring sacrifices of our dead."
Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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A great commentary on our warrior's sacrifice and thee words makes it absolutely clear:
"Our legacy of freedom borne in blood
Must not be squandered, scattered to the wind,
Ignoring sacrifices of our dead."
Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you rod.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Your government and ours. They send our men, boys out to these dangerous countries, knowing how bad it is, and do not seem to care that these cuts are killing these lads as surely as ISIS is and all the other terrorists. They should be ashamed of themselves. Excellent sonnet my friend, and a good contest entry. Good luck! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Your government and ours. They send our men, boys out to these dangerous countries, knowing how bad it is, and do not seem to care that these cuts are killing these lads as surely as ISIS is and all the other terrorists. They should be ashamed of themselves. Excellent sonnet my friend, and a good contest entry. Good luck! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you Sandra, it is a shame.
Comment from flamingstar
Love the way this is put together. I'm really paying attention to these blank ones so I can hopefully pick up how to write them. My ear demands rhyme!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Love the way this is put together. I'm really paying attention to these blank ones so I can hopefully pick up how to write them. My ear demands rhyme!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you flamingstar. My pen prefers rhyme too, but that's not what Blank Verse requires. Thanks for those stars.
