Old Bannon's Gold
a narrative about the Old West11 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Noland
Nicely done, Rod. Perfect cadence, interesting character and plot, good lesson without being too didactic. My very favorite thing about the poem, though, is your brilliant attention to strong, active verbs. These give the piece energy and momentum, and propel the reader through the piece like a fast-paced ride in a theme park. Congratulations on your well-deserved win.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Nicely done, Rod. Perfect cadence, interesting character and plot, good lesson without being too didactic. My very favorite thing about the poem, though, is your brilliant attention to strong, active verbs. These give the piece energy and momentum, and propel the reader through the piece like a fast-paced ride in a theme park. Congratulations on your well-deserved win.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Hi Debbie,
Thanks for popping in and giving this tale a glance. I am delighted you enjoyed both the story and my craft. I used to harp at my students, "The verb is the most important word in a sentence!" and try to follow my own advice. Rod
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely. You deliver a wonderful story in verse with solid rhyme and meter throughout. I especially enjoyed the ending where a life lesson is conveyed. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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This meets the contest requirements nicely. You deliver a wonderful story in verse with solid rhyme and meter throughout. I especially enjoyed the ending where a life lesson is conveyed. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Thank you, MA, for sharing my tale and your very kind praise.
Comment from visionary1234
Wow, what a great entry! Impeccable rhythm until:
An exposed root of cottonwood (with its extra unstressed syllable at the beginning)
Also:
The Dutchman's lost-lost mine he sought, - do you mean long lost????
Great story - these are hard to write well!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Wow, what a great entry! Impeccable rhythm until:
An exposed root of cottonwood (with its extra unstressed syllable at the beginning)
Also:
The Dutchman's lost-lost mine he sought, - do you mean long lost????
Great story - these are hard to write well!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Thank you for sharing my tale, Sharyn, and for your kind praise and the heads-up about the typo.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This has to be the winner, it is fantastic. I love western's and this poem has everything, this is a really good story in a poem too, you could have entered this into that contest too. Good luck, you have my vote. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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This has to be the winner, it is fantastic. I love western's and this poem has everything, this is a really good story in a poem too, you could have entered this into that contest too. Good luck, you have my vote. :) Sandra
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed my tale so much, Sandra. Thanks for your encouraging review and support.
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You are so welcome, I loved Old Bannon, he certainly was a man of the times. I see you are joint first, I hope you win it. :) xx
Comment from danpald
The poem flows well to the end
The tale quickly read
The dream of lost gold is found
When death is sure to follow
Well the old prospector lived
To search far and wide
Only to lose it all
In a storm that came so blind
Well the gold is always found
In dreams of wandering minds
Never held in hands for long
But always there to blind
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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The poem flows well to the end
The tale quickly read
The dream of lost gold is found
When death is sure to follow
Well the old prospector lived
To search far and wide
Only to lose it all
In a storm that came so blind
Well the gold is always found
In dreams of wandering minds
Never held in hands for long
But always there to blind
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Thanks for sharing my tale and your poetic review which I enjoyed.
Comment from seaglass
This is a good story poem ending with good advice. It captures of the old west ogle dust flavor. Rhyme and meter makes it a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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This is a good story poem ending with good advice. It captures of the old west ogle dust flavor. Rhyme and meter makes it a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Thank you, seaglass, for sharing my tale and your kind praise.
Comment from c_lucas
The West is full of stories of lost mines being found only to lose them again. Almost every mountain range has at least on such tale. This is well written. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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The West is full of stories of lost mines being found only to lose them again. Almost every mountain range has at least on such tale. This is well written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Indeed the West is full of such tales. Thanks for sharing this one and your kind review.
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You're welcome, Rod. Charlie
Comment from Cass Carlton
Great Stuff!! I love narrative poems, and this is a classic. The rhythm and rhyme are both perfect, and the story is a corker. I know all about the Dutchman's Mine and the Superstition Mountains, way over here in Australia. We have a similar story about Lassiter's Reef, among others. Great story, and somehow it's sadly believable. I wonder how many skeletal remains still lie out there somewhere lost and forgotten. OOOh. I can hear the coyotes wailing can't you? Well done cheers Cass
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Great Stuff!! I love narrative poems, and this is a classic. The rhythm and rhyme are both perfect, and the story is a corker. I know all about the Dutchman's Mine and the Superstition Mountains, way over here in Australia. We have a similar story about Lassiter's Reef, among others. Great story, and somehow it's sadly believable. I wonder how many skeletal remains still lie out there somewhere lost and forgotten. OOOh. I can hear the coyotes wailing can't you? Well done cheers Cass
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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I am always delighted when I discover a reader who enjoys western tales. This one was fun to write and I am pleased you like it so much.
Comment from zanya
This is an atmospheric rendition of a fictitious character -beautifully and poetically embellished with tales of other days - though I guess we still are prey to the same ills'lust for gold, unbridled greed '
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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This is an atmospheric rendition of a fictitious character -beautifully and poetically embellished with tales of other days - though I guess we still are prey to the same ills'lust for gold, unbridled greed '
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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I really appreciate your choice of words--"atmospheric"--for describing this tale. I am delighted I succeeded in making this tale so. Thanks for sharing.
Comment from RYME4U
This is an excellent story/poem. You have captured the flavor of the oold west beautifully. It held my attention all the way through. Exceptional work!
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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This is an excellent story/poem. You have captured the flavor of the oold west beautifully. It held my attention all the way through. Exceptional work!
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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I am thrilled you enjoyed this story of the Old West so much. Thank you for the great praise and all those stars.