Get Well, Brooke!
Viewing comments for Prologue "haiku(dandelions in fields)"Writing for Brooke
14 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Janny! What a wonderful opportunity Yeltel has provided us to, once again, send good wishes to Brooke, this time via a haiku, my favorite form of poetry. When I review haiku, I am particularly looking for a vivid concrete image in the two connecting lines and a second concrete image in the "satori" line that provides the reader with the opportunity to ponder and reach their own AHA (as opposed to the poet providing it through their own summary). We are somewhat limited in this contest as we are required to use the word "dandelion" in the poem. You've used the technique of metaphor well in your poem and I like the idea of dandelions being drops of sunshine. Best of luck in this contest. Sue
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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Hi Janny! What a wonderful opportunity Yeltel has provided us to, once again, send good wishes to Brooke, this time via a haiku, my favorite form of poetry. When I review haiku, I am particularly looking for a vivid concrete image in the two connecting lines and a second concrete image in the "satori" line that provides the reader with the opportunity to ponder and reach their own AHA (as opposed to the poet providing it through their own summary). We are somewhat limited in this contest as we are required to use the word "dandelion" in the poem. You've used the technique of metaphor well in your poem and I like the idea of dandelions being drops of sunshine. Best of luck in this contest. Sue
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much for the review and in depth comments. I appreciate everything you stated. I also know that you are an accomplished author, so this review is even more special.
Comment from l.raven
HI Janny, yes they are...and like I just told someone...they were always a weed to me...through Brooke I now see them as a flower...so very nicely written
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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HI Janny, yes they are...and like I just told someone...they were always a weed to me...through Brooke I now see them as a flower...so very nicely written
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
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WOW! I am overwhelmed by your rating of 6 for my tiny haiku. The dandelion is still a weed when in my lawn, but maybe not when way out in the fields. Thanks so much. Jan
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I am with you...I laughed with Brooke about this...but I let her win because my granddaughter loves them...LOL...I fight with them every year...and you are so very welcome...Luff Linda xoox
Comment from pharp
You have indeed met all the requirements as outlined for this prompt. Beautiful artwork selected. You did an excellent job in penning this Haiku, I love the message, beautiful flowers from heaven above. Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Blessings Portia
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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You have indeed met all the requirements as outlined for this prompt. Beautiful artwork selected. You did an excellent job in penning this Haiku, I love the message, beautiful flowers from heaven above. Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Blessings Portia
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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You are so kind. I enjoy hearing from you. Thank you for reviewing my haiku.
Comment from justafan
Well done :) The pic is lovely and the contest outlines are fulfilled. This is a hard format for me so all I can tell you is that I loved it!
Always justafan,
Missy
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Well done :) The pic is lovely and the contest outlines are fulfilled. This is a hard format for me so all I can tell you is that I loved it!
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much for your time reviewing. It took me a long time to learn, and I still get haiku wrong. You should try it. Jan
Comment from Jackarrie
This is a very good entry into the contest Dandelion haiku, you kept to the syllable count and your image is just fablous,
Goodluck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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This is a very good entry into the contest Dandelion haiku, you kept to the syllable count and your image is just fablous,
Goodluck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your support.
Comment from emkoutny
Nice job on your contest entry. I wrote one for this also. I like your picture too. I thought the last line had to be five syllables, but I guess not. Good luck!
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Nice job on your contest entry. I wrote one for this also. I like your picture too. I thought the last line had to be five syllables, but I guess not. Good luck!
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your time so much.
Comment from Eternal Muse
This is a great haiku with terrific imagery, masterful artistic presentation and a great photo. I love your satori line in its spiritual undertones.
The problem with this one, it doesn't follow short/long/short format mandated by the contest requirements.
fields of dandelions - 6 syllables
are drops of sunshine - 5 syllables
Heaven sent - 4 syllables
short/long/short means that the middle line has to be the longest. In your poem your first line is the longest. What you have is long/short/short format.
This will be disqualified unless fixed.
suggestion:
fields of dandelions [6 syllables]
are drops of yellow sunshine [7 syllables]
Heaven sent [4 syllables]
17 syllables total
This is just an example, you can choose your own unique wording.
Love, Y.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This is a great haiku with terrific imagery, masterful artistic presentation and a great photo. I love your satori line in its spiritual undertones.
The problem with this one, it doesn't follow short/long/short format mandated by the contest requirements.
fields of dandelions - 6 syllables
are drops of sunshine - 5 syllables
Heaven sent - 4 syllables
short/long/short means that the middle line has to be the longest. In your poem your first line is the longest. What you have is long/short/short format.
This will be disqualified unless fixed.
suggestion:
fields of dandelions [6 syllables]
are drops of yellow sunshine [7 syllables]
Heaven sent [4 syllables]
17 syllables total
This is just an example, you can choose your own unique wording.
Love, Y.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you so much. I will revise now.
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Sounds great. I will revise the rating.
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much appreciated
Comment from Jean Lutz
Your words alone paint a picture of a field of glory. Perfect reminder of a certain dew pearl. Best to you with this entry in a contest rapidly filling.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Your words alone paint a picture of a field of glory. Perfect reminder of a certain dew pearl. Best to you with this entry in a contest rapidly filling.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your time reading/reviewing/commenting on my haiku. Jan
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets all of the haiku requirements beautifully. The imagery is concrete and the satori closes it out nicely for the reader. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This meets all of the haiku requirements beautifully. The imagery is concrete and the satori closes it out nicely for the reader. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments and great rating. I appreciate both.
Comment from judiverse
This is lovely, and best of luck to you in the contest. Your words are beautifully chosen. Your syllable count meets the requirements of 17 syllables or less. Great comparison of the dandelions to drops of sunshine. They are heaven sent. judi
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This is lovely, and best of luck to you in the contest. Your words are beautifully chosen. Your syllable count meets the requirements of 17 syllables or less. Great comparison of the dandelions to drops of sunshine. They are heaven sent. judi
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you kindly.
