Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Friendly Neighbor"All chapters
2 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Good job!! I like your story. That Yolanda is a very assertive girl. :)
Good character development, good format although I would have enjoyed a picture.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
  |
Good job!! I like your story. That Yolanda is a very assertive girl. :)
Good character development, good format although I would have enjoyed a picture.
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Gypsy Blue Rose
Thank you for reviewing this chapter. (12) I very much appreciate the compliments. Thanks for the photo suggestion. I'll have to look a bit harder next time.
Marv
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Marv. You have a natural humorous voice in your writing. Your character development is enhanced by your good dialogue and sparse narrative.
Unfortunately you lacked good editing or you would have picked up the SPAGs before you posted. Most were minor oversights. I deducted a star for the SPAGs but will return it the moment you let me know the corrections have been made.
I want you to know your chapter was entertaining, nonetheless.
"Looks like you need a muse and a personal secretary," She emphasized the word, personal. [A period, not a comma, after "secretary".]
"From now on . . .," I started again. [Only the 3 dot ellipsis. No comma.>> Also the same two paragraphs before. I didn't catch it then.]
Only a mind like Yolanda's could leap to such a conclusion. [Paragraph spacing error.]
"Good grief, am I that predictable? I reached my arm around [Missing a closed quote after "predictable".]
"I can't talk now." [Paragraph spacing, this and next.]
Don't forget to let me know you've made the corrections.
***********************************************************
I couldn't go through and check all the nits. You corrected the ones I did check, so I assume you did them all. Good work, Marv.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
Hey, Marv. You have a natural humorous voice in your writing. Your character development is enhanced by your good dialogue and sparse narrative.
Unfortunately you lacked good editing or you would have picked up the SPAGs before you posted. Most were minor oversights. I deducted a star for the SPAGs but will return it the moment you let me know the corrections have been made.
I want you to know your chapter was entertaining, nonetheless.
"Looks like you need a muse and a personal secretary," She emphasized the word, personal. [A period, not a comma, after "secretary".]
"From now on . . .," I started again. [Only the 3 dot ellipsis. No comma.>> Also the same two paragraphs before. I didn't catch it then.]
Only a mind like Yolanda's could leap to such a conclusion. [Paragraph spacing error.]
"Good grief, am I that predictable? I reached my arm around [Missing a closed quote after "predictable".]
"I can't talk now." [Paragraph spacing, this and next.]
Don't forget to let me know you've made the corrections.
***********************************************************
I couldn't go through and check all the nits. You corrected the ones I did check, so I assume you did them all. Good work, Marv.
Comment Written 29-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Jay
At the risk of repeating myself, I want to thank you for your review of chapter 12 of my novel, The Magic Title. It was thorough, complimentary and informative.
I apologize for the lack of good editing. This chapter may have had more SPAGS than the other chapters put together. It was considerate of you to take the time to find them all.
I hope you will continue critting my work with the same expertise and kindness.
Marv
-
I will certainly continue on, Marv. I went back and checked a few of the corrections you made and gave you back the star, assuming the rest were done or will be done later.
