Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Silence"Dawn of Chaos
34 total reviews
Comment from s.m.kirby
Endurance, What a good writing for food for thoughts,I enjoyed reading your work,sometimes silence is golden when we listen with our heart,As a Christian It is my responsibility. to share the good news of Jesus Christ to set Satan victims free.God Bless.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Endurance, What a good writing for food for thoughts,I enjoyed reading your work,sometimes silence is golden when we listen with our heart,As a Christian It is my responsibility. to share the good news of Jesus Christ to set Satan victims free.God Bless.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
Good to have some input on concerns, God state He would prefer sweet or sour, and not that which lacks savor Appreciate all Thanks
Comment from WindPen
You explain to much and don't leave enough mystery to my taste
the beginning is better cause it's more difficult but then everything is revealed
and also you address only the bad side of silence and ignore the good
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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You explain to much and don't leave enough mystery to my taste
the beginning is better cause it's more difficult but then everything is revealed
and also you address only the bad side of silence and ignore the good
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
Well stated trying to establish lines with features to properly connect, will take in all comments and revise all efforts once I feel I have learnt Thanks for help and to me it is assistance
Comment from Tatarka2
I think your overall idea here is very powerful. Unfortunately, this is full of SPAGS, and I think it needs to be broken into stanzas to be more easily read and understood. For instance, "Silence TIPTOES," "RECORDS" (not "RECORD"), you don't need a semicolon after "think," HIDES (not HIDE), "CANNOT" (not "CAN NOT"), no semicolon after "seen", the list goes on. Many of these are errors that denote timing, as in "record/records." So, I think with a little more attention to these subtleties (i.e., in the lines "Silence has no language/Convey intents through the eyes" - if you had said CONVEYS intents through the eyes" it would be more clear) this could be a very powerful, evocative poem. I would be careful about punctuation, though. For instance, in the line "Matter closed: nothing else to be said" the colon makes sense and adds to the power of the message. There is definitely a powerful poem here. It just needs a bit of work, as indicated.
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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I think your overall idea here is very powerful. Unfortunately, this is full of SPAGS, and I think it needs to be broken into stanzas to be more easily read and understood. For instance, "Silence TIPTOES," "RECORDS" (not "RECORD"), you don't need a semicolon after "think," HIDES (not HIDE), "CANNOT" (not "CAN NOT"), no semicolon after "seen", the list goes on. Many of these are errors that denote timing, as in "record/records." So, I think with a little more attention to these subtleties (i.e., in the lines "Silence has no language/Convey intents through the eyes" - if you had said CONVEYS intents through the eyes" it would be more clear) this could be a very powerful, evocative poem. I would be careful about punctuation, though. For instance, in the line "Matter closed: nothing else to be said" the colon makes sense and adds to the power of the message. There is definitely a powerful poem here. It just needs a bit of work, as indicated.
Comment Written 09-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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I salute your comment and acknowledge all these fact so. I thank you for your guidance and will attempt to take in focus correcting such defeats in my works. You explained instruction clearly and gave vivid example. Let see what type of student, once I study I become.
Comment from fluffnstuff
my goodnes i do believe that you have covered all thought of what silence is, does and where it exists. nice write fluff
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reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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my goodnes i do believe that you have covered all thought of what silence is, does and where it exists. nice write fluff
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Yeah the poem has many ingredients but without focus lumps: bad illustration of ooze. I'm going to try to do better. Thank you for your generous rate for originality and possible creative efforts in this work. Time to tighten up
