Tears
Would you have the strength?30 total reviews
Comment from Patti R.
Not a wasted word. An excellent 50 word complete story, G.
Compelling, but I'm not sure it qualifies as a thriller or as frightening - but maybe I need to examine my definition of those two terms.
It's a tough question you ask. Would I have the strength?
Perhaps, but I'm not sure and I hope never to face this situation.
Good luck in the contest.
Patti
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Not a wasted word. An excellent 50 word complete story, G.
Compelling, but I'm not sure it qualifies as a thriller or as frightening - but maybe I need to examine my definition of those two terms.
It's a tough question you ask. Would I have the strength?
Perhaps, but I'm not sure and I hope never to face this situation.
Good luck in the contest.
Patti
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Many thanks for the review. I think you are right and it depends on your viewpoint. Many think that these actions are horrific in themselves. The thriller aspect, I guess comes from the slight misdirection, with the reveal as euthanasia, rather than "murder". Your thoughts on the piece are most appreciated.
Comment from sandragee
With the line 'She silently pleaded with him as he lifted the pillow' the readers don't know whether she is pleading for the continuance of life or the end of it. The last line 'He looked away, as he carried out her dying wish' let us know it was with reluctance that he ends her life. You packed a lot of emotion into this story with just fifty words. Wow.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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With the line 'She silently pleaded with him as he lifted the pillow' the readers don't know whether she is pleading for the continuance of life or the end of it. The last line 'He looked away, as he carried out her dying wish' let us know it was with reluctance that he ends her life. You packed a lot of emotion into this story with just fifty words. Wow.
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Many thanks for the great review. And the very generous rating. It is very much appreciated.
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You deserved it.
Comment from Saikripa
Very well written in this limited word count. The story is complete and told in a way that the scene is visible. Great job.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Very well written in this limited word count. The story is complete and told in a way that the scene is visible. Great job.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Many thanks for the review. Much appreciated
Comment from MelB
Wow, I really connected with this piece and I felt my heart starting to beat faster. I had to read it a couple of times to make sure I wasn't interjecting my own life into it. When I was 6 years old, my half-brother put a pillow over my face and tried to suffocate me. For some reason, he stopped and removed the pillow.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Wow, I really connected with this piece and I felt my heart starting to beat faster. I had to read it a couple of times to make sure I wasn't interjecting my own life into it. When I was 6 years old, my half-brother put a pillow over my face and tried to suffocate me. For some reason, he stopped and removed the pillow.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Many thanks for reviewing and for sharing your thoughts. My brother, One of my big brothers was a little 'unbalanced' growing up and did some very questionable things too. Much appreciated
Comment from cbat
Touching, leaving room for the imagination to add to.
I admire your ability to write.
From beginning this is emotion stirring.
Good work!
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Touching, leaving room for the imagination to add to.
I admire your ability to write.
From beginning this is emotion stirring.
Good work!
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this one too. It is truly appreciated.
Comment from tfawcus
You've encapsulated a drama here that faces many people. No matter what the ethics may tell us, the pleading of a terminally ill person in excruciating pain provides a dilemma perhaps beyond judgement.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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You've encapsulated a drama here that faces many people. No matter what the ethics may tell us, the pleading of a terminally ill person in excruciating pain provides a dilemma perhaps beyond judgement.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Hi there. This is a thorny issue but I don't think anyone can really know how they wold react until the situation arose, for either person - the asked or asker. Both have an incredible dilemma. Many thanks for reviewing. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a poignant moment, just before the real pain of holding a pillow over someone's face who now wants to breathe. That's where the guts kick in, when life tries to win.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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This is a poignant moment, just before the real pain of holding a pillow over someone's face who now wants to breathe. That's where the guts kick in, when life tries to win.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this short piece, Bill. This is a thorny issue, and even with the desire to end it, instinct is always there. Much appreciated.
Comment from Jennpenn
This is a nice exercise for a seasoned writer such as yourself to tell a lot in so few words. I think it's great to enter contests, and really challenge yourself. You've done a good job of relaying a life-and-death decision within the tight framework.
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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This is a nice exercise for a seasoned writer such as yourself to tell a lot in so few words. I think it's great to enter contests, and really challenge yourself. You've done a good job of relaying a life-and-death decision within the tight framework.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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Many thanks for the great review. These can be tricky and there are a lot of good ones in the competition. Much appreciated.
Comment from rama devi
Powerful short poem. Superb pun on the last line...dying wish...her last wish before dying as well as her wish to die.
A couple of nits and suggestions:
She silently pleaded with him as he lifted the pillow. Tears streamed down her face as her mouth moved in silent prayer.
since this is flash fiction, it is optimal to avoid adverbs as well as superfluous words. Using silently and then silent makes it sound wordy. I suggest showing the silence rather than telling it, in the first line. For example, instead of saying "She silently pleaded with him" you could make it visual: Her eyes pleaded with him - that way, the reader can infer the silence because eyes do not speak verbally.
Also, the comma is not needed (or accurate) in this line:
He looked away, as he carried out her dying wish.
He looked away as he carried out her dying wish.
However, if your aim is dramatic pause there, a dash or ellipses would be effective:
He looked away--as he carried out her dying wish.
He looked away...as he carried out her dying wish.
I recommend not using any punctuation on that line (except the period).
I think this stands a strong chance in the voting booth. With edits, it would be a contender for my vote! The theme is touching and thought provoking. As one who works with the dying, I could relate to the intense compassion portrayed here.
Good luck
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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Powerful short poem. Superb pun on the last line...dying wish...her last wish before dying as well as her wish to die.
A couple of nits and suggestions:
She silently pleaded with him as he lifted the pillow. Tears streamed down her face as her mouth moved in silent prayer.
since this is flash fiction, it is optimal to avoid adverbs as well as superfluous words. Using silently and then silent makes it sound wordy. I suggest showing the silence rather than telling it, in the first line. For example, instead of saying "She silently pleaded with him" you could make it visual: Her eyes pleaded with him - that way, the reader can infer the silence because eyes do not speak verbally.
Also, the comma is not needed (or accurate) in this line:
He looked away, as he carried out her dying wish.
He looked away as he carried out her dying wish.
However, if your aim is dramatic pause there, a dash or ellipses would be effective:
He looked away--as he carried out her dying wish.
He looked away...as he carried out her dying wish.
I recommend not using any punctuation on that line (except the period).
I think this stands a strong chance in the voting booth. With edits, it would be a contender for my vote! The theme is touching and thought provoking. As one who works with the dying, I could relate to the intense compassion portrayed here.
Good luck
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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Many thanks for the detailed and insightful review, as always. it is very much appreciated.
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:-))
Comment from alf collier
Hi G. this one got my vote, and I DID vote!! Sending all my best wishes in the contest and have my fingers crossed!!! Loved this, alf
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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Hi G. this one got my vote, and I DID vote!! Sending all my best wishes in the contest and have my fingers crossed!!! Loved this, alf
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 05-May-2015
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Hi Alf, many thanks for your thoughts on this, and the voting! All the best. Appreciated, as always.