Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Distraught!"Short Stories
15 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
Explosive dialogue, non- stop action and wonderful child character. Randy's point of view is told with a passionate, convincing knowing that all children posses when they are telling the truth and no one believes them.
I can see why this was picked as a contest winner.
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Explosive dialogue, non- stop action and wonderful child character. Randy's point of view is told with a passionate, convincing knowing that all children posses when they are telling the truth and no one believes them.
I can see why this was picked as a contest winner.
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and commenting. Have a great day!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Not being trusted by any one is a bad situation to be in, unless you brought it on yourself. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Write on.
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Not being trusted by any one is a bad situation to be in, unless you brought it on yourself. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Write on.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments and I wish you a great day!
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Super story told in an economy of words. I was sure it was going to be a ghost. Interesting how "adults" make assumptions. You really draw in your readers--good job. Congratulations on your contest win.
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Super story told in an economy of words. I was sure it was going to be a ghost. Interesting how "adults" make assumptions. You really draw in your readers--good job. Congratulations on your contest win.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments. I have been away from the writing forum for a while and it is nice to know that my efforts are still appreciated Have a great day!.
Comment from melyuki
Congrats to you my Sis, what an exciting little story and what a fabulous discovery to see you have won the contest.. thrilled to the max. and so deserving.. your writing ability always leaves me speechless.. so wonderful that you have found some precious time to get back to doing what you love and what you are so very very good at.. luv ya, your sis xoxxoxox
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Congrats to you my Sis, what an exciting little story and what a fabulous discovery to see you have won the contest.. thrilled to the max. and so deserving.. your writing ability always leaves me speechless.. so wonderful that you have found some precious time to get back to doing what you love and what you are so very very good at.. luv ya, your sis xoxxoxox
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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You put sparkles in my eyes and a smile on my face, sis. Having been gone from the writing for so long, I feared I might have lost my touch. Stealing some time for myself and for writing has been rewarding....in dollars and in self satisfaction. Thanks for your praise...and the starts!!! Love ya always....Smiles and hugs
Comment from Judy Couch
I enjoyed this story. It was rather confusing at first and hard to figure out who was Danny and who was Randy. The names are too similar and the first paragraph doesn't make it clear. Also, I don't know which of them was shot and why. After I finally figured it out, I liked the story.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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I enjoyed this story. It was rather confusing at first and hard to figure out who was Danny and who was Randy. The names are too similar and the first paragraph doesn't make it clear. Also, I don't know which of them was shot and why. After I finally figured it out, I liked the story.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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That's how I feel about flash fiction...when you are limited on number of words it is hard to clarify a story...I prefer to be descriptive and explanatory...but rules are rules and one must follow. LOL thanks for the comments ...much appreciated
Comment from I am Cat
ok... well, that left me wanting to know the rest of it! :)
Well written and full of intrigue and believable dialogue.
I was hooked the entire way through and somehow you
managed to have me care, when I didn't even have time to KNOW them...
somehow it works and I do!
So.... where's the rest? lol
Good luck in the contest!
Cat
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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ok... well, that left me wanting to know the rest of it! :)
Well written and full of intrigue and believable dialogue.
I was hooked the entire way through and somehow you
managed to have me care, when I didn't even have time to KNOW them...
somehow it works and I do!
So.... where's the rest? lol
Good luck in the contest!
Cat
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Me too! I hate to crush a story line into these little boxes and hope the reader gets the whole picture...but rules are rules and I must abide. I haven't been posting in a long time so I am thrilled you enjoyed the entry. Looking forward to your future comments...Smiles to you and have a great day.
Comment from Bill Schott
Great little snippet that is neatly attached to another story that is implied and generally understood by the reader. Nice ending. Good dialog between characters.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Great little snippet that is neatly attached to another story that is implied and generally understood by the reader. Nice ending. Good dialog between characters.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read my post. I appreciate it...Have a great day!
Comment from LIJ Red
The writing is smooth, the prompt is well satisfied, so I thinks this post rates five stars. Good luck in the contest. Sometimes younger fresher minds don't have as
many notions to see past.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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The writing is smooth, the prompt is well satisfied, so I thinks this post rates five stars. Good luck in the contest. Sometimes younger fresher minds don't have as
many notions to see past.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my post. Have a great day!
Comment from Dean Kuch
So Randy's young imagination wasn't running away with him after all. There was a kid next door, just like he told his father. And not just any kid, either, but the Wilson boy, a child who disappeared from the neighborhood -- more specifically the house next door to Randy and Danny's -- a half a year ago.
I was left wondering if Randy was actually seeing these things with his eyes, or if he was just seeing visions in his head that were real.
Regardless of that, I enjoyed the relationship in the story between all the characters involved. Good luck to you in the contest.~Dean
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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So Randy's young imagination wasn't running away with him after all. There was a kid next door, just like he told his father. And not just any kid, either, but the Wilson boy, a child who disappeared from the neighborhood -- more specifically the house next door to Randy and Danny's -- a half a year ago.
I was left wondering if Randy was actually seeing these things with his eyes, or if he was just seeing visions in his head that were real.
Regardless of that, I enjoyed the relationship in the story between all the characters involved. Good luck to you in the contest.~Dean
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Unfortunately that 500 word limit, leaves the writer with little wiggle room to expand on the story...my favorite style of writing is much more descriptive. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Have a great day
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I know what you mean. Such are the pitfalls of flash fiction.
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was great. I particularly liked the fianl line -- Randy's triumphant "I told you, Dad."
A couple of typos (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'The little guy's still having nightmares.That's the reason I'm calling' (Insert a space after 'nightmares.' and delete one after 'reason').
'Let's get coffee and cookies ready.' (insert quote marks after 'ready.').
Adrian
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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I thought this was great. I particularly liked the fianl line -- Randy's triumphant "I told you, Dad."
A couple of typos (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'The little guy's still having nightmares.That's the reason I'm calling' (Insert a space after 'nightmares.' and delete one after 'reason').
'Let's get coffee and cookies ready.' (insert quote marks after 'ready.').
Adrian
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thanks for your comments, assistance and for taking the time to read my post. I greatly appreciate it. Have a great day!