Alice Will Never Forget Again
Rushing home Alice forgets to lock her door.16 total reviews
Comment from benoenose
Though the romantic feeling ran through the story the tragic end seems quite uneasy. This story drags the reader to the spot with very eager enthusiasm. Thus the story is lovely to read and the writer takes the reader at hand.
Read by all those who live in shared rooms in curiosity, recommended for adults.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Though the romantic feeling ran through the story the tragic end seems quite uneasy. This story drags the reader to the spot with very eager enthusiasm. Thus the story is lovely to read and the writer takes the reader at hand.
Read by all those who live in shared rooms in curiosity, recommended for adults.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the kind words. Happy you enjoyed the story.
Thanks again.
Comment from RADH!KA
A very engrossing story which kept me captivated from the beginning. I especially liked the last para wherein Jeff and the police are left in doubt forever that out of the two possible scenarios , which must have taken place .
Keep writing..Good Luck!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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A very engrossing story which kept me captivated from the beginning. I especially liked the last para wherein Jeff and the police are left in doubt forever that out of the two possible scenarios , which must have taken place .
Keep writing..Good Luck!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments. Happy you enjoyed the story.
Comment from dmt1967
I really enjoyed reading this story. I found the twist very well told, and was hooked from the words go. This was a very good contest entry. Good luck in the contest, and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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I really enjoyed reading this story. I found the twist very well told, and was hooked from the words go. This was a very good contest entry. Good luck in the contest, and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the kind words!!
Comment from kriver
Hi
This is a very good short story.
Very good detail describing the scenes.
In this short of a story there isn't much room for a lot of dialogue.
However, the character development is very good.
Re read each line for spags if you are not sure if a word is spelled correctly use google type in spell type the word or use spell check. I know it is a lot of work but it is part of writing well.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Hi
This is a very good short story.
Very good detail describing the scenes.
In this short of a story there isn't much room for a lot of dialogue.
However, the character development is very good.
Re read each line for spags if you are not sure if a word is spelled correctly use google type in spell type the word or use spell check. I know it is a lot of work but it is part of writing well.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you your kind words and tips!!
Comment from fimarie78
Gosh - poor Alice! If only she had locked the door.
It was an engaging piece of writing and you painted the setting and the character of Alice very well.
Just a couple of small thoughts.
Something strange seems to have happened with the formatting, which makes it hard to read.
There's a tiny spelling mistake. It reads 'frig' instead of fridge?
When Jeff calls for her and it says 'same results' - it sounded a bit formal compared to the rest of the piece.
great piece though.
best wishes in the contest
Fiona
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Gosh - poor Alice! If only she had locked the door.
It was an engaging piece of writing and you painted the setting and the character of Alice very well.
Just a couple of small thoughts.
Something strange seems to have happened with the formatting, which makes it hard to read.
There's a tiny spelling mistake. It reads 'frig' instead of fridge?
When Jeff calls for her and it says 'same results' - it sounded a bit formal compared to the rest of the piece.
great piece though.
best wishes in the contest
Fiona
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you. It should have been fridge... Thanks!!
Comment from Dean Kuch
One of the few prose offerings in this contest (what else is new?), this was an eerie tale that could actually happen. The fact the cops determined there was no sign of forced entry usually directs the focus of the investigation directly at anyone the victims knew...like a spouse, for example.
Could Alice's loving husband, Jeff, have done her in then called 9-1-1? If he did, what was his motive for committing such a heinous act of violence against his wife? I guess we'll just have to leave that up to the police detectives to decide.
The fact still remains. Alice doesn't live there anymore...
Great story. Good luck in the contest...~Dean
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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One of the few prose offerings in this contest (what else is new?), this was an eerie tale that could actually happen. The fact the cops determined there was no sign of forced entry usually directs the focus of the investigation directly at anyone the victims knew...like a spouse, for example.
Could Alice's loving husband, Jeff, have done her in then called 9-1-1? If he did, what was his motive for committing such a heinous act of violence against his wife? I guess we'll just have to leave that up to the police detectives to decide.
The fact still remains. Alice doesn't live there anymore...
Great story. Good luck in the contest...~Dean
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you, maybe the reader can fill in the blanks. Thank You!!
Comment from mfowler
This entry is deceptively nasty. You build up the action with the lady in various states of undress and a husband expected home. We know the door's not locked and that seems to imply a romantic interlude. And then the mystery of the song and the moved clothes switches the mood. But, the cut throat is a complete surprise and shocks, just as I imagine you meant it to. A good mystery in flash.
Best of luck with the readers.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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This entry is deceptively nasty. You build up the action with the lady in various states of undress and a husband expected home. We know the door's not locked and that seems to imply a romantic interlude. And then the mystery of the song and the moved clothes switches the mood. But, the cut throat is a complete surprise and shocks, just as I imagine you meant it to. A good mystery in flash.
Best of luck with the readers.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you very much. Happy you liked it!
Comment from emkoutny
You create a world that is easy to visualize due to the details. It is an innocent description, but the reader knows something bad will happen, so it builds suspense. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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You create a world that is easy to visualize due to the details. It is an innocent description, but the reader knows something bad will happen, so it builds suspense. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you very much. I have much to learn!!
Comment from tfawcus
Although the ending is predictable, you lead up to it with such a wealth of incidental detail that we almost feel we know Alice before we reach the end. This makes her callous murder all the more shocking. There is an underlying eroticism here that prepares us for the possibility of a sex killing, although you leave the door open, right to the very end, for the possibility of Jeff's return to a night of passion. You also leave a few tantalising hints that suggest that she might indeed have known her killer.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Although the ending is predictable, you lead up to it with such a wealth of incidental detail that we almost feel we know Alice before we reach the end. This makes her callous murder all the more shocking. There is an underlying eroticism here that prepares us for the possibility of a sex killing, although you leave the door open, right to the very end, for the possibility of Jeff's return to a night of passion. You also leave a few tantalising hints that suggest that she might indeed have known her killer.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you very much. I wish I had more time for editing before the contest.
Comment from petalangela
I dallied between five stars and four. Extremely well written and settled on five . Why the question. The name Alice became so repetitive it irritated me and each it appeared I wanted to stop reading the piece. The fact that it is so well written was a saving grace.
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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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I dallied between five stars and four. Extremely well written and settled on five . Why the question. The name Alice became so repetitive it irritated me and each it appeared I wanted to stop reading the piece. The fact that it is so well written was a saving grace.
,
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Thank you. I didn't want to over use 'she' or 'her'. Sorry but thanks for your comments.
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The girl the lady ........