Reviews from

Beautiful Death

Viewing comments for Chapter 10001 "Basheba and the tree house"
from birth I have longed for death

3 total reviews 
Comment from Walu Feral
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G'day mate. I love that tree people line that was funny. I can picture both you and the little dog both snapping at their heels LOL. Well done once again on this one, cheers Fez

 Comment Written 23-Apr-2015


reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
    Thank you.
Comment from thomdble
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Do you really think just because you were playing your dog was sent away? Anyway, This is a good stroll down that memory lane for you, isn't it? I do sense bitterness at the telling of it but there was a satisfaction sitting at the bottom of the tree with your siblings stuck up in the tree house.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2015


reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
    You are totally missing the story, Of course My dog was not sent away just because I was playing, that is just stupid.
    I may seem simple but I an not stupid.
    Did someone hurt your feelings today? GROW UP!
    Of course I enjoyed sitting at the bottom of the tree.
    We all enjoyed this game, it was better than the ones titled Watch daddy beat mom up.
    Take the bitterness stick out of your butt. You ain't heard nothin yet.

Comment from Fridayauthor
Excellent
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Childhood memories are always fun to read, or write about. This was nicely done.

Spacing would make this easier to read and there is some missing punctuation.

...into the garage door they would all run (I picture them slamming into it.)

...in through the open garage door they would all run... or

...into the garage they would all run

My big sister would try to protect them from us, into the garage door they would all run screaming with us at their heels, as we came in they would go out the side door running and hollering to the tree house, when they got to it I and basheba would arrive just as the last kid was pulled up the ladder.

(Far too long a sentence. Should be broken down to three.)

Thank you.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2015


reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
    Thank you so much.
    I am making changes now.